How to Be a Popular Girl in Elementary School

Co-authored by Katie Styzek

Last Updated: May 7, 2022 References

Being popular means that a lot of people like and respect you.^{[1]
X
Research source} To become popular in elementary school, focus on being friendly and sociable to all of your classmates. Introduce yourself, say “yes” when other kids ask you to play with them, and don't be afraid to ask a classmate to hang out with you, too. Treat everyone with kindness, no matter who they are, and avoid gossiping and bullying other kids. Stay true to yourself and others will get to know and love the awesome person you are!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Socializing with Other Kids

1
Let your classmates know you're friendly by smiling and saying nice things. Smile when you make eye contact with another kid. They'll know right away that you're a nice, friendly person. Give your classmate a compliment when you like something they've done. This not only makes the other person feel good about themself but it also warms them up to you.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- In art class, you could say, “Hey Ari, your drawing looks really pretty!” or “Emily, it was really nice of you to share your scissors with me today. Thanks!”
- After math class, let a classmate know you appreciated their help by saying “Mandy, I'm so glad you asked the teacher that question today. I was confused about that too!”
2
Introduce yourself to kids you don't know. Whether you end up sitting next to a new kid at your school or you're assigned to a group project with someone you haven't met before, take a moment to introduce yourself. Add a question or compliment to your introduction to get the other person talking.^{[3]
X
Research source} The other person will be glad you broke the silence and will feel comfortable around you in the future.
- Try saying, “Hi, I don't think we've met before. I'm Rachel, what's your name?” or “Hi, I'm Rachel. Were you in Mrs. Colt's class last year?”
- Continue your conversation by asking the other person more questions about themselves. Show that you're genuinely interested and try to get to know them a little bit better.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  Professional School Counselor
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
- You can compliment someone by noticing something good that they're doing and praising it. For example, you could say, “Lola, you were an amazing team captain in gym class today!”
- If you're nervous about talking to kids you don't know, practice with a trusted adult at home first.^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Understood
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia
  Go to source}
Advertisement
3
Join a club or activity group to meet new people. Pick activities you're interested in; don't just choose a club because it seems cool. If you like volleyball, dance, gymnastics, or singing, find a group through your school or local community that you can join. As an alternative to joining a club, consider volunteering and helping others with your free time.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
- If you're interested in volunteering, ask your parents to help you find a local organization you could help. See if you could volunteer at your church or local library. Maybe there's a park clean-up group or food pantry you could volunteer with.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  Professional School Counselor
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
- Music, photography, and anime clubs are all possible options for you to join.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  Professional School Counselor
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
- When you show up for your group meetings, introduce yourself and be friendly to everyone you meet.
- If you do things you like outside of school, you'll have plenty to talk about with your classmates. You could even invite a friend to join you sometime.
4
Say “yes” when someone asks you to hang out or play with them. If another kid asks you to play tag with them on the playground, or if they invite you to their birthday party, accept their invitation. Show that you're excited and grateful by saying “yes, I'd love to; thanks for asking!” The more you say “yes,” the more people will get to know you and like you.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If you're just a little nervous, don't automatically say “no.” They might not ask you again because they'll be worried about another rejection.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
- If the event is outside of school, ask your parents' permission to go before confirming with your classmate.
- It's okay to say “no” if you're not able to go. But let the person know you appreciate the offer and would still like to be friends.
- But if someone makes you uncomfortable, it's ok to say “no.” Talk with a parent or guardian if you're uncomfortable about a person's behavior or something they asked you to do.
5
Keep your promises. When you've agreed to hang out with a new friend, show up. If you offered to lend a classmate a great book, bring it to school the next day. If you promised not to share a secret, don't share it. The more you stick to your word, the more people will trust and like you. You'll make others feel valued and special.
- Loyalty is really important in establishing good friendships. Be a loyal friend to others and they'll eventually do the same for you.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
- Don't cancel your plans at the last minute for no good reason. People get bored and tired of friends who never show up and never follow through.^{[12]
  X
  Research source}
- If you're feeling down but you're supposed to go to a friend's birthday party in an hour, it would be easy to stay home, but your friend will be really disappointed. Instead, try to cheer yourself up and go to the party. You'll probably have lots of fun!
6
Ask other kids to hang out or play with you. It can be scary to ask someone to come over to your house or join you for a movie. But if you never ask, you'll never know what they'd have said!^{[13]
X
Research source} Think about what your classmate likes to do, and decide what to invite them for based on that.
- While you're at school, invite other kids to hang out with you. If your classmate is into soccer, ask them if they'd like to kick a soccer ball around with you during recess.
- You can even invite others to play with you outside of school. If your new friend likes baking, ask your parents if you can invite your friend to come over and make cookies with you.
- If someone turns down your invitation, don't take it personally. Their decision to say “no” probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with something else that's going on in their life.
7
Avoid trying to become popular by social climbing. Hanging out with certain “super-popular” kids and leaving out other “unpopular” kids might seem like a good way to become popular, but it doesn't really work. You'll seem fake and might hurt the people who like you. Just focus on being a nice, kind person to everyone around you. Offer genuine friendship to the people you want to befriend.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Social climbing involves ranking other kids and trying to climb up the ladder to join a group of kids you think are more popular than you.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}
- Don't try to hang out with a cool girl at your school just because she seems cool. Instead, show that you're interested in her as a person. Ask her questions about herself and see if you have anything in common. If you decide you don't really get along after all, don't pretend that you do.
- When you make new friends, don't assume your old friends are beneath you or treat them badly.^{[16]
  X
  Research source} If you agreed to sit with your old friend on the bus, keep your promise. Don't just ditch them by sitting with your new friend on the bus.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Respect to Everyone

1
Use good listening skills when a classmate speaks to you. Show genuine interest and excitement about what your classmate says. Let them speak their mind and pay close attention. Ask them questions about themselves and their interests to keep the conversation going.^{[17]
X
Research source} Your classmates will feel great around you and might want to spend more time with you.
- Try asking questions like these: “What topic did you pick for the science project?” “What did you do over the weekend?” “Which TV shows do you like to watch?”
- Avoid interrupting your friend. This can seem rude and annoying.
- Even if you're talking with a classmate you don't know very well, open your mind and listen closely. You might just find that you have a lot in common!
2
Be kind to all of your classmates without leaving anyone out. If you exclude other people from sitting near you or hanging out with you, you're being mean. This behavior will make you cliquey, but it won't make you popular.^{[18]
X
Research source} If most of your classmates see you as being a nice person, you'll be very popular at school.^{[19]
X
Research source}
- A clique is a group of friends who purposely leave other kids out.
- Cliques look cool in some movies, books, and TV shows. While these stories are entertaining, they aren't good examples of how to behave.
3
Don't gossip about your classmates or friends. Gossip can be a quick way to get a few people to listen to you, but your words are harmful to the other person and to yourself. Don't make fun of a classmate behind their back or start spreading rumors.^{[20]
X
Expert Source

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.} Try to be empathetic instead. If a friend starts trying to gossip with you, change the subject.
- Empathy means putting yourself in the other person's shoes so you can understand what they might be feeling.
- If word gets around about your trash-talking, your other friends will feel betrayed and won't feel comfortable around you anymore.^{[21]
  X
  Research source}
- Here's how you could change the subject: “Hey Kelly, I get that you might not like Lucy's outfit today, but I think Lucy is really sweet. Let's try not to be mean, ok? But speaking of clothes, what are you planning to wear for the music class recital next week?”
4
Don't be a bully or encourage your friends to bully your classmates. Avoid threatening your classmates, saying mean and nasty things to them, and physically hurting them. Stand up against bullying when you can, and you'll gain popularity with your peers.
- Bullies might seem powerful but they aren't popular or well-liked.^{[22]
  X
  Research source}
- Avoid using stereotypes to come up with mean things to say. You'll miss out on a lot of possible friendships.^{[23]
  X
  Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being Yourself

1
Wear clothes that you feel good in. Don't obsess over how clothes make you look. Think about how they make you feel instead. Pick out clothes and accessories that make you feel comfortable and confident. You can follow trends, but only if you love them and how they make you feel. Focus mainly on choosing outfits that show off your personality and make you feel like you can take on the world!^{[24]
X
Research source}
- Instead of wondering, “Does this top make me look good?” think, “Do I feel good when I wear this top?”
- Confident, comfortable people are easy and fun to be around. If you're uncomfortable or insecure about your clothes, your negative energy will show and other people will start to feel awkward around you.
- If you wear a school uniform, stick to the guidelines and take care of your uniform. Try expressing your personality by doing your hair how you like, if that's allowed at your school. Have fun expressing yourself through clothes after school and on the weekends.
2
Keep up a clean, hygienic appearance. Take a bath or shower on a regular basis. Brush your teeth twice a day and brush your hair, too. Wear deodorant to stay fresh. Take good care of your clothes so they stay clean and free of wrinkles.
- Don't worry about wearing makeup. A little lip balm or lip gloss is all you need.
- Ask your parent or guardian to teach you how to do the laundry. They will appreciate the help and you'll have clean clothes whenever you want them.
3
Stay true to yourself, no matter who you're with. If you join an exclusive clique, you might start acting differently. If you're sitting next to someone from another friend group, you might ignore them because you're not really friends. Don't switch your behavior based on who's around; focus on being your true self no matter who you're with.^{[25]
X
Research source}
- When you're around older or younger kids, be just as friendly to them as you are to people your own age.
- If you change who you are when you find a new group of friends, your old friends will feel left out and sad. They might not like the new person you've become and you'll risk losing their friendship.
- If you're always true to yourself, you'll be able to form real friendships and people in school will get to know the real you.
4
Focus on learning and doing well in school. While it's tempting to pass notes and whisper to your friends, try to pay attention during your classes. Take good notes, participate in hands-on activities, and study for quizzes and tests. Don't be afraid to give it your all in gym class and music lessons. Learn as much as you can and keep an open mind. You might be able to connect with other kids who enjoy or struggle with the same subjects as you!
- If you slack off in school, talk badly about your teacher, or complain about hating your classes, some of your classmates might be put off.
- Work as hard as you can in school. Not only will your skills improve but your classmates will admire you for your willingness to try new things.
- Stay organized by writing all of your assignments, extra-curricular activities, and social outings in a calendar.^{[26]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  Professional School Counselor
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
5
Talk to a trusted adult if you're having a hard time. Confide in a parent, guardian, teacher, or guidance counselor if you're feeling sad and lonely, if you're being bullied, or if you're just not sure how to start making friends.^{[27]
X
Research source} Ask your trusted adult about what you're struggling with, and what you can do to manage your feelings.
- If you're worried you aren't popular enough, think carefully about what the word “popular” means to you and talk about this with your trusted adult. You'll probably realize it has less to do with your friendships and more to do with your self-esteem.
- For instance, you might be jealous of another kid's clothing and lifestyle, or a clique at your school might make you feel bad about yourself, and you think being popular would erase those yucky feelings. These problems can be solved in other ways.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I choose my volunteer work?

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.

Katie Styzek

Professional School Counselor

Expert Answer

Pick volunteer work that will help you spend more time with your peers. This might be through a club at school, a religious organization, or a community organization.
Question

How do you make friends if you are shy?

Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.

Katie Styzek

Professional School Counselor

Expert Answer

Try joining a club or sports teams! These are great ways to fond with your fellow students over things you all love.
Question

Is it important to exercise in elementary school to be popular?

Community Answer

It's important to exercise at every age, and elementary school is included. Exercise is for the sake of your own health, it's not an action that ensures popularity. However, healthy and active people are often admired by others, and being fit can add an element of respect toward you, which can assist you in becoming popular. Try walking, cycling, swimming, ball games, walking your dog, and so on, to keep fit. Be sure to choose an exercise that you enjoy.