How to Fit in With the Cool Kids

Last Updated: January 17, 2023

Fitting in is important for our confidence, self-esteem, and daily demeanor. In order to fit in with the cool kids, you must first find some common ground. Once you do this, you can befriend them and work on being comfortable. When you’re comfortable around them, you’ll have no problem fitting in with the cool kids.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Common Ground

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Go to sporting events. Even if you’re not athletically gifted, you can find friends through athletics. Sitting front row at your school’s big games not only puts you around other cool kids, but it also gives you common ground. It gives you things to talk about the next day at school.
- If you are athletically gifted—try out for the team. You’ll forge close friendships with other athletes. These friendships will help you form essential mental, physical, and emotional building blocks to help you become friends with the cool kids.^{[1]
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Figure out what kind of music they’re into. Music is a great way to start a conversation. Asking what music they like it the easiest way to find out. Simply start by asking if they’ve heard a new song or if they’ve attended a local concert recently.

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Take note of their fashion. Fitting in with the cool kids is much easier to do if you don't look similar to them because people look for people with a unique personality and creative fashion sense. Mirroring some the "cool" kid's clothing pieces will just make them make fun of you for copying them. Shopping for similar clothes means you will likely be bullied, no one likes a copycat! If the cool kids dress like each other, it's because they all copied a celebrity.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Putting Yourself Out There

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Small talk in the hall way. The more you talk to the cool kids, the more you’ll learn about them. You don’t need to be at a big party to talk—you can do it in the hallway between classes. Even if they’re with a group, walk with them and chime in. If you see a couple of cool kids by themselves, go up and small talk to learn some basic interests.
- Ask if they’ve heard about the theme for homecoming.
- Tell them about your weekend.
- Bring up a class you have in common.
- Small talk is a great way to break the ice when you're trying to make new friends. It might be easier, though, to focus on what they find to be interesting about life rather than trying to express what you like about life.
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Sit with them at lunch. Lunch is a very important time for socializing in school. It’s one of the few times of the day you actually have time to chat about absolutely anything for more than a moment or two. Don’t overthink it—simply walk up and ask if you can sit with them. They’ll probably control the conversation but tune in when you can.^{[2]
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- If nothing else—you can talk about the food. Cafeteria food is always an open ended conversation.
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Offer to have everyone over. Put together a hangout to get everyone together. It can be a study party for a big test, an evening hangout, or a spot to prepare for the game or dance that weekend. Make sure you ask your parents before you invite a lot of people to your house.
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Show them your sense of humor. The cool kids, as most people you’ll encounter in your life, will find it easier to relate to you if you have a sense of humor. When they start asking you questions, answer with some humor. You could also do this by telling them about a good time you had that made you laugh.
- Don’t make it inappropriate. Until you have a close relationship with them, this might lead them to be offended.^{[3]
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Embrace differences. Differences are just as necessary as similarities in new friends. Showing people the way that you think is endearing. Having things in common—like clothing and music taste—is very helpful. However, differences can help bond you together as well. Don’t fake similarities: embrace differences.^{[4]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Staying with the Cool Kids

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Keep putting yourself out there. Going to a couple games or sitting with the cool kids once at lunch won’t help you fit in permanently. You need to continue doing these things if you want to continue fitting in. If you have a loaded schedule, do what you can. Schedule a game or a hangout once a week. It will only take a couple hours out of your schedule and will help you fit in.
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Continue getting to know them. Never get complacent as a friend. Always try learning more about the cool kids so that you can continue to talk to them on a deeper level. Especially if you don’t seem to get along with someone at first, continue to get to know them better. Often, people take a while to warm up. This may be the case, so just continue getting to know them and your opinion could change.^{[5]
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Make consistent plans. Now that you’ve put yourself out there and hung out with the cool kids, you should make some consistent plans to keep hanging out. Have everyone over on the first Friday of every month for pizza and a movie or plan to have them over after each home football game.
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Let them know they’re important. People want to feel wanted. It’s human nature. If you like spending time with them, tell them. You don’t have to remind them daily about it, but make a point to show them that your friendship means something.^{[6]
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- A great time to do this is around a holiday. Writing them all personalized cards to go with some goodie bags for Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or New Years is cheap and easy.