How to Ask a Guy to Hook Up over Text

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 1, 2021 References

Hooking up with a guy through text messaging can feel awkward and intimidating. To successfully hook up with a guy via text, you need to be able to flirt, ask to hookup over text message, and to prepare yourself for the date.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Breaking the Ice with Flirting

1
Be yourself when you text him. Don’t lie about yourself in a text, because that would be awkward when you meet the guy face-to-face. Don’t give the impression that you’d be down for something that you’re not comfortable with when you meet in person.^{[1]
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- For example, you shouldn’t say in a text message that you would be comfortable doing a certain sexual act that you really aren’t comfortable with.
- Text about something that you’ve done and have experience with, and then go from there.
2
Talk about shared experiences. Maybe you’ve already shared a couple experiences, and you can start a conversation about something you’ve done together. This shows that you care about the time you spent together previously.
- For instance, you can say, “That band you told me about is playing this weekend. You going?” Or you can say, “Hi cutie! How do you think you did on the English test?”
3
Use his name in your first text of the day. Drop his name here and there throughout the day while you’re texting. This will keep him engaged in conversation and make him feel closer to you.
- Use or create a nickname for him to make him feel closer to you.
- For example, call him Prince Charming if he’s like your dream date.^{[2]
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- A cute name like Pumpkin is perfect for a guy who is sweet and bright like a pumpkin.
4
Ask an open-ended question to start a conversation. The guy will be flattered that you want to have a conversation with him. He’ll know his opinions are appreciated, and that you have a genuine interest in knowing more about him.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Keep the questions simple and not too philosophical. For example, ask him, “How was your mini vacation this week? As fun as you expected?”
- Another example of dialog would be, “How was your friend’s birthday yesterday?”
- If you’re in the same school, you could ask, “Noticed you still weren’t back at school today. How are you feeling?”
5
Compliment him on his looks, achievements, or abilities. Men enjoy praise as much as women, so say adoring and admiring things to him. Don’t overdo it, though, because you’ll seem insincere.
- For example, say something about his appearance, such as, “I just want to be upfront and say you’re hot.”
- You could praise him for dinner and entertainment the previous night, “Had fun last night. Thanks again for feeding and entertaining me.”
6
Say something funny to make him laugh. This will break the ice a bit more, and there’s a chance that it may make him more interested in seeing you. Make a humorous statement about something you both saw or talked about recently. You may also say something flirtatious that would make him laugh out loud at the text.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- For example, say something funny and flirty at the same time, such as, “Stop making me think about you. I’m busy.”
- You could also text, “Stop thinking about me. I said stop!”

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Hooking Up with Him

1
Get a feel for whether he wants to hookup. If you want to go out on a date and feel like you shouldn’t be too forward, ask him indirectly. For example, tell him what you’re doing this weekend, and see how he responds.^{[5]
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- You could text, “What are your plans for the weekend? I’m going out to eat. You?”
- Another example is, “Don’t know about you, but I predict I’ll be parched after work Thursday. Drinks?”
2
Text him something that will leave him wanting more. Leave a conversation at a point where you’re both deeply engaged. This will leave the guy with something to look forward to in your next talk. It won’t be any fun if you keep texting until you can’t think of anything more to say, or when he stops responding.
- For instance, say, “Past my bed time…enjoyed talking with you. Talk to you tomorrow?”
- For something more playful, say, “Got to go to girls’ night out. Drunk-text you later?”
- This opens the door for him to invite himself along.
3
Be direct and honest that you want to hookup. But don’t just say, “Come over to my place for sex.” If you want your chances of success to be higher at enticing a man into your home for intercourse, you need to put that phrase in sexier terms.
- For instance, say something like, “We’ll watch Netflix on the couch, eat ice cream, and cuddle.” This may not describe intercourse, but it implies that cuddling on the couch will lead somewhere more intimate.
4
Ask him if he’s awake. Send the booty call text, “Are you up?” If he is awake, get down to business about what it is you want from him.^{[6]
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- When he responds that he’s awake, ask, “Want to come over and hook up?”^{[7]
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- You could also recall back to a previous hookup and say, “Remember when we did X? Let’s do it again tonight.”
5
Ask him out indirectly. Frame your questions in a way that refers to going out somewhere, but also gives him a chance to invite himself along. You can use the interests you have in common as a framework for the question.
- For example, if you both like Mexican food, say, “That new Mexican place has great guacamole. I think you’ll like it as much as I do.”
- If you share a love of doughnuts, text him, “Tried that new doughnut shop tonight. You need to check it out!”
6
Take a direct approach when asking him to have sex. If you’re not the type to beat around the bush and be coy, it’s fine to be direct in asking him to come over and have sex. If the guy doesn’t grasp indirect language very well, there are options you can use that don’t involve cutesy texts and emojis.^{[8]
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- You can just go for it and say, “Want to come over and hook up?” Or try, “I want to kiss you right now. Come over.”
- Just saying, “Let’s have sex,” is pretty direct and can’t be confused as you implying anything else.
7
Offer to pay for a ride to your place. When you know the man wants to hook up, ask something like, “Can I send you an Uber to bring you here?” This will get you a booty call, and the guy will get a free ride.^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Preparing Yourself for the Hookup

1
Stock condoms before the date. It’s important to remember to be safe and use protection. Running out to get condoms in the middle of the night is awkward, and it can kill the mood quickly. Don’t assume your partner will always have condoms, and even if he did, you might need a replacement.
- Drug stores always have condoms, so you can buy them during the day before your date.
2
Make your bedroom presentable for a guest. While you may not need the bedroom to have sex, you probably will end up there with the guy at some point. Cleaning it and making it presentable will make it more comfortable for intercourse. Take out the trash, light candles, and put away all your clothes.
- Remember to hide any remnants of previous sexual encounters, so you avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.
3
Clean up and get dressed for the date. Do what makes you feel comfortable and presentable to the man you’re seducing. If you regularly shave certain areas of your body, then do that. Shower, do your hair, or apply makeup if you wear it.
- Check your skin for dryness, and apply moisturizer.
- Wear clothes that you feel comfortable and presentable in.
- Apply any fragrance you like, so you smell good.
4
Keep your kinky toys and clothing ready to use. You may or may not know any of the guy’s sexual kinks. If you and he like roleplay, then have some costumes or toys ready to use just in case.
- For example, keep smaller kinky toys in your nightstand, and roleplaying clothes in a box under your bed.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can you tell if a guy wants to hook up?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You should be able to tell pretty quickly in most cases. Either they'll openly flirt with you, or they'll let you know some other way. Don't be afraid to come right out and say, "What do you want? What are you looking for?" People that are looking to hook up won't be afraid to say it.
Question

I wanna hook up with this guy but he doesn't seem to care about anything and I've said. I've dropped some subtle hints, but he doesn't seem to get it. How should I ask him?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
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Maybe he just isn't good at picking up on subtle hints. If you're not sure, try asking him directly if he'd like to hook up. That takes all the guessing out of it, and if he says no, you can move on instead of wondering.

Warnings

No one should feel pressured to consume alcohol. It’s fine to encourage him to drink with you, but don’t try to get the guy drunk and take advantage of him.

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