How to Win a Girl Back over Text (the Right Texts to Get Your Ex Back)

Co-authored by Michele Fields and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: April 4, 2022 References

Want to talk to your ex-girlfriend again and find the perfect way to rebuild a strong connection? Maybe she’s the woman of your dreams, your best friend, or just a fun person to hang out with. Whatever the case is, you have a good chance to get back in touch. There are lots of texts to show you’re ready to start over with her. Read on for some ways to reach out to her and make her curious about giving your relationship another shot.

1

Text her when you feel calm and confident.

Send a message when you’re relaxed to help her feel comfortable, too. You can wait as many days as you need to until you’re ready to reach out again. Then, let her know that you are excited to catch up if she’s interested. Talk about the ways you’ve spent your time in the last month. Focus on all of your positive experiences. You can say that work has been great or that you’ve tried out a new gym that challenged you in a good way. Start off with details about how you’ve grown as a person and impress her with your casual confidence.^{[1]
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- “Hey! I’ve been great.”
- “It’s been a while. Work’s been busy but rewarding for me.”
- “What a wild month. My new trainer is killing me!”

2

Give her a casual “hello.”

Be chill with your first text and she’ll know you’re ready to talk again. Tell her you have zero expectations and you just want a stress-free chat. Use upbeat language and some one-liners. Short, open-ended messages will make her curious. She’ll wonder why you’re so calm and respond well to your friendly approach.^{[2]
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- ”Hey, stranger.”
- “Saw your pic pop up on my feed. That trip looked fun!”
- “Got around to watching that movie you talked about. Good stuff.”

3

Ask her what she’s been up to.

Say you’re curious about her and she’ll feel valued. Talk about what’s always been important to her, such as her work, family, or passions. Ask a lot of follow-up questions if she responds. Check in about any new developments in her life. When you express interest in her opinions and achievements, she’ll perk up and want to keep sharing.^{[3]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- ”How’s school been? You’re the smartest person I know, so you’re probably killing it.”
- ”Saw a post from your mom! She’s taking cooking classes now?! Good for her.”
- “Did you ever end up showing your art in that gallery downtown? I hope so. You’re way too talented to keep your work from the world.”

4

Offer to stay friends.

Mention you’d like to keep hanging out so you stay on good terms. Bring up a platonic connection first. You can always build up to a romantic relationship again later on. Talk about any popular spots you know she’d like. Invite her to activities that relate to her favorite hobbies. Catch up and listen to what’s on her mind. The more time you invest in her, the more likely she’ll fall for you again.^{[4]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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- “I’d like to stay friends, if you’re interested.”
- “Want to grab a bite to eat and catch up? I know a great lunch spot you’d love.”
- “There’s a new rock climbing gym that just opened up. Would you like to check it out?”

5

Flirt with her.

Hint that you still crush on her to make her smile. If you’ve already been talking and she’s been friendly, send a playful text and see how she reacts. Keep it innocent and open-ended. You can tease her with a joke and test the waters. For example, you can tell her that you have her saved in your phone as the hottest ex-girlfriend of all time. If she hits back with a laughing emoji, you can take a fun risk and say that you know she misses you. Then, tell her you can fix that.^{[5]
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- ”Hey, hottest ex-gf of all time. What trouble have you been getting into?”
- ”Sorry, I had to unfollow you. That new profile pic was too much. 🔥”
- ”I know you miss me. Don’t lie.”

6

Bring up a fun memory.

Talk about special moments you shared with her to make her melt.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.} Say you came across an old picture of the two of you and text it to her. Maybe she dragged you to a carnival and you actually had a blast. Point out if you passed by a romantic spot and admit it made you feel really sentimental. It could be a restaurant where you celebrated your first Valentine’s Day or the best taco truck in town. Reflect on your past as a couple and she’ll want to revisit the connection you two shared.^{[7]
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- “Thought of you today. Walked by our old spot.”
- “Forgot I won all those raffle tickets at that carnival you dragged me to! Do you still have that stuffed shark I got for you?”
- “Gave into temptation and hit up ‘our’ taco truck! 🌮”

7

Mention you miss her.

Admit you notice when she’s gone so she’ll want to come back. Bring up some details you associate with her that make you crave her company. Maybe you still have some movies that she let you borrow and you appreciate what a film buff she is. When you talk about how everything is different when she isn’t around or say how she lights up a room, she’ll want a place in your life again.^{[8]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- ”I miss all your jokes and that awesome laugh of yours.”
- ”I still have that movie you left behind. It just won’t be the same watching it without you.”
- “I want to see you at parties again. You really light up a room.”

8

Tell her no one else is like her.

Let her know she’s perfectly unique so she feels irreplaceable. List all her special traits and tell her how much you appreciate every part of her. For example, maybe she cooks the best chicken soup and blows your mind with her martial arts skills. You can also talk about lovable quirks. Maybe she’s got you hooked because she tells the weirdest stories. Embrace all of who she is and she’ll feel that no one admires her like you do.^{[9]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- ”I swear, I’ve never met anyone like you. 😏”
- “You’re the only woman I know who can serve up the meanest chicken soup and the baddest karate chop. 🍲💥”
- ”You tell the weirdest stories, hands down. That’s a compliment! 😍”

9

Offer to fix things.

Say you want to make it right between you two to make her hopeful. Ask her about any patterns or habits of yours that you could change to support her. Maybe she wants you to listen more often or make sure she gets a lot of quality time. Reassure her that you want her to share all her feelings or that you’ll create a schedule that prioritizes her. Let her take the lead and express what solutions would make her happy.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} That way, she’ll truly feel like you’re on her side.^{[11]
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- ”I want to fix things. Can you tell me what you need from me?”
- ”I know you always wanted me to listen more. You’re always free to call me.”
- ”I’ll totally make sure we get more quality time. What’s the best day of the week for you?”

10

Ask if you can start over again.

Say you'd like to date again so you two can start fresh.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.} Ask if you both can put the past behind you and reignite your romance. Tell her about all the lessons you learned about what she needs and how you can support her.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} Focus on the close bond you had as a couple. Describe how you can keep all the good parts of your dynamic, like affection or a sense of humor, and add in new benefits, like patience or clear communication. Say that your relationship will be even better since you two understand each other at a deeper level.^{[14]
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- ”Can we start over again? I really think we’re so good together.”
- ”I’m really glad I learned so much about you. I think I can be a better partner to you now.”
- ”We've always had the exact same sense of humor. I also think our communication has improved. If we dated again, we’d be on the same page.”

11

Tell her you see a future with her.

Send a heartfelt text and make her dream about a life with you. Use total emotional honesty and share all the reasons you think you both have long-term compatibility. If you’re best friends who know everything about each other, say that. Admit if you think she’s the best teammate and partner you can imagine. Craft a few short but thoughtful messages. She’ll reflect on them and be inspired by your directness and authenticity.^{[15]
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- ”I have to be honest. I seriously see a future with you.”
- ”I really believe that we’re best friends. Nothing will change that. I want to keep learning and growing with you.”
- “You’ll always have a piece of my heart. You inspire me every day with your kindness and creativity. You’re the perfect partner in my eyes.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you win a girl back over?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

That depends a lot on why your relationship ended. If no one cheated and there was no abuse but you just grew apart, be a friend and keep in touch regularly. Find out about how she feels about the relationship ending, and move slowly.