When Should the First Kiss Happen? Should You Kiss on a First Date?

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: May 18, 2022 References

Have you been waiting for the perfect time to share the first kiss with your date, but you aren’t sure if you’re ready? While you ultimately get to choose when you have your first kiss, there are a few ways to know if it's the right time. Keep reading for a ton of helpful tips about how to plan your kiss and find out if the other person is interested too!

1

Expect to share a kiss within the first 3 dates.

You’ll usually feel a romantic spark after getting to know the person. If you want a quick way to see if you’re compatible, try smooching within the first few dates.^{[1]
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Research source} Some people want to kiss right away on the first date, but others just need a little more time getting to know each other. Just remember that it’s completely normal if someone wants to wait longer if they have different values or beliefs.^{[2]
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- There is absolutely nothing wrong with kissing on the first date if you really like the person and they’re into it!^{[3]
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  Eddy Baller
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}

2

Go for a kiss when the moment feels right to you.

There’s no right time, so let your kiss happen spontaneously. If you try choosing a specific time for your first kiss, you may start feeling a little anxious waiting. Take a breath, relax, and just pay attention if you’re feeling that romantic spark.^{[4]
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Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} If you’re having a fun time and sharing a laugh with your date, try leaning in for a kiss to see how they respond.^{[5]
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- Only kiss people if you feel a connection with them so you don’t lead them on.
- There might be a chance that your date isn’t ready for a kiss quite yet. If they pull away, stop and apologize. Wait and let the other person make the next move so you don’t come off too strong.

3

Watch for flirty body language during the date.

If they make eye contact or touch you, they want a kiss. Watch how your date acts around you to see if they’re giving you any signals. A light brush against you, a lot of eye contact, or them playing with their hair are all signs that they’re into you.^{[6]
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Research source} If they’re biting their lip or looking at your lips, then it’s a sure sign they want you to make a move.^{[7]
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- Try brushing against them to see if they respond. If they try to pull away, wait to make your move since they may need to get to know you a little better first.

4

Wait for an intimate moment in a quiet, private place.

A little privacy makes your first kiss feel more special. Even if you really feel the urge to kiss someone, it could make them feel a little uncomfortable if you’re out in public. Step over to somewhere a little more private so you have a chance to enjoy the moment without anyone disturbing you.^{[8]
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- For example, if you’re at a party, you may go outside for a few minutes or find a room without a lot of people.
- As another example, you may try going for a kiss as you’re walking your date back to their car.

5

Lean in closer to subtly test the waters.

The other person will lean in for the kiss if they’re in the mood. As soon as you start leaning in, you’re telling the other person you want to kiss them. Stop just in front of their face so they can go in for the kiss if they feel the same way.^{[9]
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Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Otherwise, you’ve respectfully given them the option to still say no.^{[10]
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- If the other person isn’t interested, they may lean away or tell you they aren’t ready. Rather than getting discouraged, wait for another moment and let them take the initiative next time.

6

Ask if the other person wants to kiss.

Asking someone is respectful, but it may sound old-fashioned. Consent is really important for making sure that the other person feels comfortable. While it may seem like your date wants to kiss from their body language, it never hurts to ask if you’re feeling nervous or anxious. That way, you give the other person a choice without forcing them into a decision.^{[11]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I’ve had so much fun on our date tonight. Can I give you a kiss?” If they say yes, then you can lean in for the kiss. If they say no, then wait until another time later in the date or during the next date.

7

Tell them directly that you’d like to kiss.

This shows confidence but gives the person a chance to say no. If you’re feeling really passionate but don’t want to sound too aggressive, tell them exactly how you’re feeling. That way, you make your intentions really clear, but your date still gets to choose if they want to kiss you.^{[12]
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- For example, you could say something like, “This night has been amazing, and I would love to kiss you right now.” If they say that they don’t want to kiss, thank them for telling you and respect their choice. You can always try again later or during another date.

8

Give them a peck on the cheek if you want to take it slow.

This lets the person know you’re interested without too much pressure. Even if you really like someone, it’s completely normal to feel nervous about your first real kiss. If you still want to give them a kiss but aren’t ready for a full makeout session, try a quick peck on the cheek instead so they know you’re still into them.^{[13]
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- If you don’t want to be the one to make the first move, kissing your date on the cheek might give them the courage to kiss you back.^{[14]
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- Depending on your culture, a kiss on the cheek may feel a little more platonic than romantic.^{[15]
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9

Try giving a goodbye kiss.

End the date on a romantic note so they know you’re interested. Saying goodbye is a perfect time to let your date know that you want to see them again. If you’re feeling the spark at the end of the date, linger for a second before you say goodbye. Say something like, “I had fun,” or “I’ve really loved spending time with you,” to make the moment more romantic and urge your date to make their move.^{[16]
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- Look your date in the eyes so you can really connect with them in the moment.

10

Wait until the next date if you don’t feel comfortable yet.

Build up the anticipation to make your kiss more exciting next time. First dates are all about figuring out if you’re compatible with the other person. If you aren’t sure about how you feel yet, hold off on the kiss and just give your date a hug. Make a plan to get together again soon so they know that you’re interested and want to keep seeing them.^{[17]
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- Many people wait until the second or third date for their first kiss, so don’t get discouraged if you don’t get one on your first date.

11

Check if you’re feeling any chemistry after 3 dates.

If you still don’t feel like kissing, you may be better as friends. If you like the person but you aren’t sure if you have physical chemistry, keep chatting and get together a few more times. After a few dates, gauge how you’re feeling with the person to see if you have the urge to kiss them. If you’re still not feeling that connection, then it might be time to call off the relationship so you don’t hurt their feelings.^{[18]
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12

Have your first kiss without feeling pressured.

No one should force you into a kiss if you’re not ready. Only you get to decide when you want to have your first kiss. If the other person seems impatient for a kiss or acts judgmental when you tell them you’re not ready for one, then that may be a red flag that the person doesn’t want a deep relationship.^{[19]
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Warnings

Using your tongue too much while you’re kissing could be a turn-off, so see what the other person is comfortable with before you start making out.^{[22]
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