How to Give a Girl a Hickey

Last Updated: August 22, 2022 References

“Hickey” is a slang term for a bruise caused by sucking or kissing a person’s skin during a passionate moment.^{[1]
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Research source} A hickey can be a trophy from a pleasing make-out session, but it can also be point of shame: something that a girl feels she must hide from her parents and teachers. If you want to give a girl a hickey, make sure she is willing to receive one. It is a mark of possession, and it might not go away for up to two weeks.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Setting the Scene

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Know what a hickey is. A hickey is a bruise left behind in the heat of passion.^{[2]
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Research source} You'll create a hickey by gently breaking blood vessels through the suction of lips against sensitive skin. This is a mark of love, and a visible display that you've been intimate with someone. Be aware of the implications!
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Give a hickey only with consent. You are leaving a noticeable mark on someone's neck, here, so you should be sure that she's into it before you go for the hickey. Of course, it might spoil the mood to ask, "Do you mind if I give you a hickey?" Consider that she might be embarrassed by this love-mark: she may not want her friends, family, or teachers to know that she is sexually or romantically active, and she may feel the need to hide the spot with makeup or a scarf. Some people proudly display their hickeys, while others are mortified.
- A hickey is a playful mark of possession – a brand of passion. In general, a girlfriend or emotionally-involved partner will be more receptive to a hickey than someone you met that night.^{[3]
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- Consider whether a hickey is necessarily the "goal" of your encounter with this girl. It can be fun to give or receive a hickey, in the heat of the moment, but you shouldn't put all of your focus on bruising and "branding" her. Take your time, and make her feel amazing!
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Give her a hickey in the heat of the moment. Don't just suck on her neck without any buildup. The hickey is best delivered during a heated make-out or lovemaking session, in the height of passion, when it feels the most sensual.^{[4]
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Research source} Wait until you've been kissing this girl for at least a few minutes. If you are having sex, the hickey is even more appropriate, and any pain from the mark will be wrapped up into the experience.
- Be aware that pain can be a serious mood-killer for some people. It's not for everyone!
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Move your lips slowly down the girl’s neck. Whether you are making love or just making out, nibble her neck and give her light kisses. Most hickeys are given on the neck, as a result of the delicate pressure of the lips on the sensitive skin.^{[5]
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Research source} There is no "right" or "wrong" part of the neck. However, she'll be able to hide it more easily if it's low, near her collarbone, or high on the neck, such that it falls beneath her hair.
- The neck may be the most popular spot, but you can technically give a hickey to any area of sensitive skin. For a less visible and more intimate mark, try giving her a hickey on the top of her breast or the inside of her upper thigh.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Leaving a Mark

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Open your mouth, slightly. As you are kissing her neck, form a circle with your lips on the spot of your choice. Do not slobber – just keep kissing, and prepare to give her the hickey.^{[6]
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- Use your best judgment on how long to build up before the hickey. If the two of you are very intimate, then it won't seem too strange to get into kissing her neck for a while.
- Don't just spend a few minutes kissing the same spot! Kiss all over her neck and face, and consider lightly nibbling her skin. Add some variety and make it interesting.
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Deliver the hickey. Create suction by inhaling lightly as you kiss the area. Breathe out through your nose and in through your mouth to slightly increase the force of the suction.^{[7]
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Research source} Keep your mouth in the same place for up to 30 seconds to deliver the hickey.
- You can also try biting her neck with the tips of your teeth, extremely gently, in a sort of "love-nip." Test the waters by nibbling her neck, Be very careful not to hurt her!
- Stop if she asks you to stop. Consent is not a one-time promise – it is a constantly-changing agreement. If she decides that she's no longer comfortable with the situation, then it is your responsibility as a decent human being to back off and respect her wishes.
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Check for a hickey. The spot that you sucked should be red and slightly swollen. If the redness disappears over the next minute, you can try again.^{[8]
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Research source} Suck in slightly harder, this time, so that you break blood vessels on the surface of the skin.
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Tell her about the hickey. Be considerate. She may not want the world to know that she has a hickey. She may at least want to hide the mark in certain situations – like when she's around her parents.^{[9]
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Research source} For her sake, and yours, give her a heads-up so that she can conceal the hickey with makeup, a scarf, or a high collar.

Warnings

Be aware that herpes and other orally-transmitted STIs can be passed along through hickeys. When you give a hickey, you are breaking blood vessels in the neck, and you are releasing any viruses in your mouth into the girl's bloodstream. Be safe and be considerate!^{[10]
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Not everyone likes getting hickeys. Some people are more comfortable experiencing and showing passion than others, and certain girls may be very taken aback at the idea of a hickey. Don't be afraid to try it – but be aware that it is not always well-received.

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