This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Having your first kiss can be nerve wracking, but learning some basic techniques can help you give an awesome first kiss. Everyone has personal tastes when it comes to kissing. People differ in how they like to be kissed, where they liked to be kissed, and how often they like to be kissed. If you find yourself with a partner that isn’t kissing you the way you like, you might have to help teach your partner how to kiss you.
Steps
Teaching Yourself to Kiss
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1Practice giving a kiss. You can practice giving a kiss on your hand before you actually kiss your date. Make a fist with your hand and face your palm towards you. Put out your pointer and middle fingers so that they are pointing up. Turn your fist to the side and put the two fingers that are out onto your lips. Imagine they are the lips of your date and practice lip placement to deliver a kiss.[1]
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2Lean in. You need to learn how to lean in towards your date to initiate a kiss. Gently lean your upper body towards your date. Wait a second to see how your date reacts to you leaning in before starting the kiss.[2]
- If your date leans in as well, then you can go for the kiss.
- The key is looking for a window of opportunity to arise. A lot of times, this happens when the other person is making deep eye contact with you and leaning in.
- However, if your date doesn’t lean in or turns away from you, it’s a good idea not to kiss at that moment. Don’t take it personally, your date might not be ready emotionally for a kiss.
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3Make contact with your partner’s lips. Gently press your lips against your partner’s lips. Aim to have your top lip hit the middle of your partner’s lips and your bottom lip just under your partner’s bottom lip. Move your lips so that you gently pull your lips away from your date's and then back on them.[3]
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4Keep the kiss gentle. Keep your lips slightly open, but don’t go in for the french kiss. A first kiss should be gentle and romantic, but leave something to be desired for. This will make your date long for another, more intimate kiss. If your date is wanting more with the kiss, you can give a little more. Just pay attention to your date’s body language.[4]
- Learn to read your date's body language to be a better kisser for them. For example, if your date pulls away from you, you should slow the kiss down and maybe even take a break.
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5Gradually try different kissing styles. As you become comfortable with initiating kisses, you can start to add different kinds of kissing styles. This will help you learn what types of kissing you enjoy and will make you a better kisser for your current/future significant other.
Taming an Overzealous Kisser
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1Initiate teasing kisses. Start by giving your significant other teasing kissing techniques to teach how to give a sweet kiss. Give a tender surface kiss with your lips pressed against your partner’s lips. Include gentle nibbles on your significant other’s bottom lip, but don’t give them a full kiss yet.[5]
- If your girlfriend starts to kiss you and gets overzealous, pull back and give gentle kisses on your girlfriend’s neck or ear to reset. Then, work your way back to gently kissing her lips.
- Give your boyfriend a few gentle peck kisses on the lips before slightly opening your lips.
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2Say how you want to be kissed. When your boyfriend begins to kiss you too hard or sloppily, pull yourself away from him and communicate how you’d like to be kissed. Nicely tell him that you want to be kissed gently. Show him how to kiss you by saying, “I want to be kissed like this” and then giving him the type of kiss you’re looking for.[6]
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3Pull your partner’s head back gently. If your girlfriend is applying a bit too much pressure when she kisses you, you can give her a gentle hint to lay off the pressure. Run your hair through her hair while gently pulling her head back a bit to relieve the pressure on you. When her lips are lighter on yours, say something to let her know this is what you like.
- Say “Mmm, this is how I love to kiss you”
Encouraging a Shy Kisser
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1Play a kissing game. If your partner is nervous about how they kiss, you can play a fun kissing game to help show how you want to be kissed. Play a mirror kissing game with your partner by taking turns giving each other kisses. First, you kiss your partner how you like to be kissed and then ask your partner to give you a kiss that’s exactly the same. Then, let your partner give you a kiss and you copy it.
- By playing this game, you’ll find out what kind of kisses you both like and it will help you become closer to each other.
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2Talk with your significant other about kissing. One of the best ways to help your partner be more open to kissing you is to say how you liked to be kissed. Have an open conversation with your partner to say that you want your partner to occasionally take the lead when you’re kissing. Explain to your partner exactly what type of kisses you like and where you want to receive them.
- If you enjoy kisses on your neck leading up to your lips, let your boyfriend know this is what really turns you on.
- Maybe you enjoy being surprised by an impromptu makeout session. Tell your girlfriend you really want to be surprised by her kissing you when you least expect it.
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3Set the mood right. You can encourage your partner to kiss you by setting the mood first. Sometimes you need to find some alone time to encourage your date to feel comfortable.
- Snuggle up on the couch with the lights down low to create an intimate mood.
- Bring your date on a picnic and pick an area away from other people to enjoy each other's company.
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4Give lots of praise to your partner’s efforts. Sometimes shy kissers have a lack of self confidence when it comes to kissing, so give encouragement when you receive a kiss you really like. Telling your girlfriend you really liked how she kissed you will help raise her self confidence and make her more likely to kiss you like that again.[7]
- Say things like, “I like that” or “that feels good” during a kissing session are a great way to show your appreciation.
Warnings
- Make sure your date wants to kiss you when you go in for the kiss. If your date seems hesitant or not into it, pull back and don’t force the kiss.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Have fresh breath when kissing someone. It’s important to have a clean mouth and fresh breath when you kiss a person. No one wants to kiss someone who still tastes like their last meal.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Telling someone that you don’t enjoy the way they kiss you might make them upset. Make sure you keep your words kind when talking about such a sensitive subject.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ http://www.getromantic.com/passion/better_kisser/step_by_step_kissing_guide.html
- ↑ http://www.rookiemag.com/2013/04/kissing-complete-guide/2/
- ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a8291/kissing-tips-and-products/
- ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/dating-tips/kiss-better-exes/
- ↑ http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/08/help-how-do-i-teach-a-guy-to-b
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/confessions/advice/g2264/kissing-tips/?slide=1
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-kiss
About This Article
If your partner’s new to kissing and they could use a few pointers, there are a few ways you can teach them to kiss the way you like it. Whenever your partner starts to kiss you in a way you’re not too keen on, stop for a second, then kiss them how you like it. After a few times, they should figure out that you prefer to kiss that way. You can also compliment them when they kiss you the right way to encourage them. For example, if they often kiss you a little too hard, compliment them when they kiss you lightly. Just say something like, “I really like it when you kiss me like that.” That way, it’ll seem like a positive thing and you won’t hurt their feelings. For more tips, including how to play a game to help your partner kiss you the way you like it, read on!
