How to Talk to the Girl Who Likes You

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: December 6, 2021 References

Maybe one of your friends let slip that she’s got a crush on you or maybe she’s always smiling and twirling her hair when she sees you. If a girl likes you, you’ve already got a leg up on the conversation. She’ll probably be thrilled if you talk to her, so go for it! Approach her for a conversation, choose conversation topics that will help you get to know her better, and then tell her how you feel. If you like her, then you might even ask her on a date. If she’s not your type, be up front about it, but make sure to do so in a kind, gentle way.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Approaching Her for a Conversation

1
Smile and make eye contact with her. If you spot a girl across the room who keeps looking in your direction, smiling and making eye contact are great ways to let her know you’re interested, too. Although you don’t want to stare, holding her gaze for a few seconds is totally fine. After you do that, go ahead and walk towards her.^{[2]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Remember that she already likes you, so she’s likely to be thrilled if you smile and make eye contact with her. If she doesn’t smile back or looks away, this might just mean that she’s shy.
2
Look for opportunities to talk with her when she’s alone. Watch for times when she’s by herself and approach her if it seems like a convenient time. Since she likes you, she might even try to create these types of opportunities, such as walking away from a group at an event or approaching you when you’re on your own.^{[3]
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- For example, you might approach her between classes at school or during your lunch break at work.
- Assuming you already have her number, you could also text her to find out a good time to meet up, such as by saying, “Hey! I was hoping we could hang out sometime. Are you free after school on Friday?”
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3
Ask her to talk alone or make an excuse to talk with her alone. If she’s in a group and you want to talk with her alone, it’s fine to tell her that, too. Let her know that you were hoping you could talk one-on-one, or make up an excuse to get her alone for a few minutes.^{[4]
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- Try saying something like, “Hey, I have a question about that math assignment we just got, can we go talk about that for a minute?” Then, when you get her alone, you can say, “That was actually just an excuse to talk to you alone for a few minutes.”
- Or, you could say something like, “It’s so loud in here. Do you want to go sit outside for a little while and talk?”
- You could also text her something to get her away from the crowd, such as “Meet me on the patio in 5 minutes! I need a break from all the noise and I’d love to chat with you.”
- Make sure that you introduce yourself if you’ve never talked with her before. A simple, “Hi! My name is Greg,” is fine.
4
Join a conversation with her and her friends if you can’t get her alone. If she never seems to be on her own, you might need to dive into a conversation with her and her friends to start getting to know her. If she’s talking with a group of friends, walk over and join the conversation. Try to stand next to her if you can, but be friendly to everyone in the group rather than focusing just on her.^{[5]
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- Try saying something like, “Hi guys! What’s going on?”
- You could also say something like, “This seems like a fun conversation. I’m going to hang with you ladies for a minute if that’s okay.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Choosing Conversation Topics

1
Make small talk about your surroundings. Turning to your surroundings can be an easy way to start a conversation, and since she already likes you, she probably won’t mind if you start the conversation off this way. Make a comment about your surroundings and then ask her a question about what you just commented on to get the ball rolling. You can use this strategy whether you just met her or if you have known her for a while.^{[6]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- Try saying something like, “Check out that guy on the paddleboard! I’ve always wanted to try that, but I’m pretty sure I would fall right off. What about you? Have you ever gone paddleboarding?”
- Or you might say, “I really like this bar. It’s always pretty chill and the music is good. Plus they have a great happy hour, so that’s a nice bonus. What about you? What do you think of this place?”
2
Talk about your day and ask about hers if you’re not sure what to say. Discussing your day-to-day activities with a girl who likes you and finding out about hers is another way to keep the conversation going, whether she is an old friend or a new acquaintance. Try giving her a brief recap of your day and then ask what she did so far today. She’ll probably be thrilled that you care enough to ask.^{[7]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I have had a crazy day so far. I almost got hit by a car on my way to work, had a presentation to give and I was really nervous, and then went to my HIIT class after work and I dropped my phone and cracked the screen! It’s nice to be out relaxing now. What did you do today?”
- Remember to keep the conversation light, friendly, and entertaining. Avoid telling the girl anything too personal or that might be a turn-off. Even if she already likes you, it is possible to change her mind by sharing unappealing information about yourself.^{[8]
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3
Discuss your favorite things to see what you may have in common. If you are just getting to know her, ask her about her favorite movies, music, TV shows, books, YouTube channels, video games, hobbies, and other interests. Make sure to share with her what your favorites are as well. If she likes you, she’ll definitely want to know more about you!^{[9]
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- For example, you might say something like, “I just saw the Evil Dead Musical last weekend and it was amazing! Are you into theater at all?”
- Or you could say, “Have you been to any good movies lately?”
- Ask about things you know the girl is into if she’s a friend who you have just learned likes you. For example, you could ask, “How’s your writing project going?” or “What’s new with the yearbook planning committee?”
4
Talk about past experiences and goals to learn about her values. If you’re ready to start talking about deeper topics with her, try sharing something about your past or a goal that you have. This can help you to find out more about her values and see if they mesh with yours. A girl who likes you will probably be happy to share this information even if you’re still getting to know each other.^{[10]
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- For example, you might say something like, “I finished my BA in 2015, and I’m hoping to get my MBA by 2025. I think it would really help with my career. What about you? Do you have any career or educational goals that you’re working on?”
- Or you could say something like, “I took a trip to Ireland last year and I want to go back soon. I loved it so much. Have you ever visited a place that you didn’t want to leave?”
- Always follow up any information you provide about yourself with a question about her. This will help to keep the conversation going.^{[11]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Telling Her How You Feel

1
Tell her directly if you’re into her and say what you like about her. Don’t keep her guessing if you like her! Be direct about your feelings so she will know. Being direct about how you feel will also demonstrate confidence, which is an attractive quality.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} Try paying her a compliment that reveals your feelings for her. It’s okay to do this in person or via text message.^{[13]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- For example, you could say something like, “You have such a great sense of humor. That’s one of the things I like best about you.”
- Or you could say, “Your eyes are so pretty. I think that’s one of the reasons why I can’t stop looking at you.”
- Another option might be, “I like you a lot. You’re so easy to talk to.”
2
Make plans to do something with her if you like her. If the sparks are flying and you want to get to know her better, ask her if she’d like to hang out with you sometime in the near future. You can do this in person or via text. Mention an upcoming event, an outing with friends, or a movie you’d like to see to gauge her interest.^{[14]
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- Try saying something like, “Hey, the winter formal is coming up. Do you have a date yet?”
- Or you might say, “My friends and their girlfriends are all planning to go bowling this Saturday. Are you busy then?”
- Another option might be, “Since we both love horror movies, would you like to go see what’s playing with me sometime?”
3
Be honest if you’re not interested in her. Even if she’s into you and you think she’s great in some ways, it might not be a love connection. If you are not interested in dating her, then it’s best to tell her this right away rather than leading her on.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} It can be hard to tell someone this since they are likely to feel disappointed, but it will be the best thing for both of you if you’re honest. It’s okay to do this over text message, but in person is better.^{[16]
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- Try saying something like, “I think you’re a really interesting person and I enjoyed talking with you, but I only like you as a friend. I hope that’s okay with you.”
- Avoid telling her you're not interested in her in front of other people because this can make her feel embarrassed and hurt her feelings more. Make sure that you tell her this when you are alone with her and no one else can overhear your conversation.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What should I do if a girl likes me?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

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It depends on if you like her back or not. If you do, just be friendly and go for it. If you don't, there's nothing wrong with not pursuing this further. You don't have to do anything special. Just treat her like a person!
Question

What if I like her back but I'm not confident?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

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The best thing you can do when talking to someone you like is to be yourself. That's it. Just be the best version of yourself. If she likes you, it's obvious that she likes you for who you are. That means you don't have to put on a show or act a certain way. This realization should really take some of the pressure off.
Question

What do women want?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

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Women are guilty of this too, but something that a lot of men don't do is set loving boundaries. For example, if you are talking to your girlfriend about an issue but don't know how to help, it's completely acceptable to say, "I'm not sure how to help you. This may be something you should talk about with a friend." You should also avoid ghosting, even if you don't want to hurt the woman. Most women would at least like a message that explains that you are not a match. I really think that that would be a kindness for men to do that.