How to Talk to Your Middle School Crush (Girls)

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: December 12, 2022 References

Talking to your crush may make your heart race, but it doesn’t have to be scary! There are many ways to approach your crush in middle school, whether it is a simple hello in the hallway or a conversation during lunch. A little bit of flirting can go a long way, especially if you want to ask them to hang out or even to go on a date! With a little bit of courage, you may be able to make your crush’s heart race too!

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Starting Conversations with Your Crush

1
Say hello to them. Make sure to say hi when you first see your crush everyday. If you pass them in the hall, wave and smile.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you see them in class, you can say, “Good morning! How’s it going?” This will help your crush notice and remember you.^{[2]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
2
Sit next to them at lunch or in class. Find an excuse to be near them during the day. If you don’t have assigned seats, you can take the seat next to them in class, or you can eat near them at lunch time.
- If you want, you can come up to them and say, “Hey, is this seat taken?”
- If you’re feeling shy about approaching them, ask your friends if they would help you out. One of your friends can take a seat close to your crush, and you can sit next to your friend.
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3
Ask them a question about your schoolwork. A good way to break the ice is to ask your crush questions. Perhaps you need help with a math question or maybe you didn’t catch the homework. Always thank them when they give you the answer.^{[3]
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- For example, you can say, “Hey, I forgot my book today. Can I look onto yours?”
- If your teacher says you need to work with a partner, you can ask your crush, “Do you want to work together on this?” Remember to smile as you say it!
4
Talk about your hobbies. Once you have started talking, you can casually ask about their interests, hobbies, or plans. Try to find out what they’re interested in, and start talking to them about it.^{[4]
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- You can start the conversation by saying something about your own interests. For example, you can say, “Do you listen to this band? I have had their new song stuck in my head all day.” If they haven’t heard of the band, you might ask, “So what kind of music do you like?”
5
Find things you have in common. Look for ways to connect over common interests, hobbies, or practices. If you know they enjoy something, you can start a conversation about it, or you can invite them to do the activity with you.
- Look at their clothes, bags, and other belongings for clues about what they enjoy. For example, you can say, “I noticed the pins on your bag. Do you like anime too?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Flirting with Your Crush

1
Compliment them. Every now and then, give your crush a sincere compliment.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Tell them something you like about them. Maybe they’re really funny or smart. Perhaps they have a cool talent or skill.^{[6]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- For example, you can say, “You’re an amazing skateboarder. How did you learn all of those tricks?”
- Don’t shower them with compliments, or they may feel uncomfortable.
2
Laugh at their jokes. Laughing shows that you are interested in what they are saying. When your crush says something funny, laugh or giggle gently. Don’t overdo it, though, or it may seem insincere.
3
Make yourself approachable. Your crush may be just as nervous about talking to you as you may be talking to them. To help them out, check your body language. Smile when you catch them looking at you. Instead of crossing your arms, try twirling your hair.^{[7]
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- When your crush walks towards you, don’t look away. Instead, make eye contact.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Wave if you want to catch their eye.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Chatting outside of School

1
Invite them to hang out. You might invite your crush over to your house, mall, or park to hang out together. Since this is not a date, there is nothing to lose. You and your crush can get to know each other even better!
- If you’re still uncertain about inviting your date over to just hang out, you can ask them to come over to help you study. This works well if there is an upcoming test that you both need to prepare for.
2
Ask them to join a group activity. If you’re nervous about hanging out with your crush one-on-one, you can bring them on a group outing instead. This will let you hang out with them without any of the pressure.^{[9]
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- For example, you can say, “A bunch of us are going to go to the beach this weekend. Do you want to come?”
3
Get their phone number. A great way to continue your flirting when school’s out is to get their phone number. Send them a text afterwards to confirm that you got the right number. This will help start a new conversation!
- If you want, you can simply say, “Hey, can I have your phone number?”
- If you’re nervous about asking, you can ask instead, “Can I get your phone number in case I have any questions about our homework?”
- Never send naked images of yourself to someone. These can be spread or posted online. They can also get you both in trouble with the law or school.
4
Add them on social media. Friend them on Facebook, or get their SnapChat screen name. You can like their statuses or post a funny article onto their wall. Who knows? Maybe they’ll even comment on your posts.
- Do not stalk someone on social media. Do not like or comment on their posts daily, or the other person may start to feel uncomfortable with the attention. Use these sites responsibly.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Admitting Your Feelings

1
Look for hints that they like you back. Before you confess, try to see if there are any hints that your crush might also like you. Ask your friends to see if they're interested, or pay attention to how they treat you. Ask yourself:^{[10]
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- Does your crush initiate conversations sometimes or do you always start them?
- How often does your crush text, Snap, or message you?
- Does your crush smile when they see you?
- Does your crush ever make excuses to touch you?
- Do they remember things that you said in the past?
2
Tell them that you like them. When you’re ready, tell your crush that you think of them as more than just a friend. You can tell your crush in person, text them, give them a card, or send them a message over social media.^{[11]
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- You might say something like, “Hey, I really like you a lot, as more than a friend. I was wondering, do you like me too?”
- You should always tell your crush yourself. Don’t ask a friend to tell them this for you.
3
Ask them out on a date. If your crush likes you back, congratulations! Now you just need to ask them on a date.^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you are both allowed to date, ask them if they would like to see a movie, go to the mall, or attend a school dance together.^{[13]
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- You can say, “Would you like to go out with me on a date?”
- You can also say something like, “Do you want to see a movie this weekend with me?”
- Ask your parents first. Your parents may have rules about when you are allowed to date.^{[14]
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4
Avoid blaming yourself if you’re rejected. Sometimes, your crush may not like you back. That’s OK! It may hurt at first, but over time, it will get better. Distract yourself by getting involved in activities where you will not see your crush.^{[15]
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Expert Source

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- You might feel as though there is something wrong with you, but the truth is, sometimes people just don’t feel the same way about each other. This will pass.
- Be sure to talk to your friends about it. They can help support you during this time.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it OK to have a crush in middle school?

David Kornel Z
Dating Coach
David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.

David Kornel Z

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Absolutely. It's totally natural to develop feelings for people you're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with you having feelings for someone!
Question

Where can I find a new girlfriend?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can find a new girlfriend anywhere. You have to be open to it every day. You could be on your way to work or on your way to get a cup of coffee or on your way to a meeting, and you stop and get a cup of coffee, and you can meet someone right then and there that you could date.
Question

How can I introduce myself to a girl?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

When you want to introduce yourself to a girl, you should not enter her life abruptly. Give her enough space and distance. Make eye contact with her. Say hello in a soft tone. Allow her to feel safe and then open up. You can offer a direct compliment or start a conversation with something in the situation. For example, if you are in line at a coffee shop, you can say that you are getting an oatmeal cappuccino and ask her about her favorite drink.