How to Share a Room

Co-authored by Eze Sanchez

Last Updated: November 21, 2022 References

Sharing a room with someone can be a stressful experience, especially if you’ve never done it before. Whether you and the other person are siblings, college roommates, or in a romantic relationship, you both have different quirks and preferences. But by setting up your space together, respecting each other’s needs, and resolving conflict, you can live peacefully alongside each other.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting up Your Space

1
Divide the room evenly. Set boundaries in the space for areas that are yours and your roommate’s. This can mean simply dividing the room in half down the middle, or creating various nooks and sections throughout the room. To create privacy, buy a folding screen or hang curtains to cordon off separate spaces.^{[1]
X
Research source}
2
Decorate together. Go shopping together for things like bedding, curtains, rugs, and wall art. This is a good way to bond and get to know your roommate’s style preferences.^{[2]
X
Research source} If you don’t wish to buy new stuff (or can’t afford to), you can still do other decorating activities together like painting, hanging posters, or organizing your closet.

Advertisement
3
Take turns picking out the items you’ll both be using. You likely won’t agree on every single thing you need for your room. Create a sense of fairness by splitting the design decisions for common items. For example, let your roommate choose the style of the rug, then you choose the curtains.^{[3]
X
Research source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Respecting Your Roommate

1
Set ground rules. Have a conversation right away about your lifestyle and pet peeves. Decide what time the lights, music, or TV will be turned off at night. Discuss how often you’ll allow guests, how clean you’ll keep your space, and whether you can borrow each other’s belongings.
- Create a written roommate agreement that you both sign. That way if someone breaks the rules, you can bring out this contract to help resolve any disputes.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}
- Be considerate. Respect your roommate’s boundaries and take their requests into account.
2
Keep your areas clean. Pick up after yourself as often as possible so that your roommate doesn’t have to deal with your mess. Place your dirty clothes in a laundry basket or hamper so that they’re not strewn across the floor, and hang towels immediately after using them. If you agreed you would both make your beds every day, do that as soon as you get up in the morning.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Trade off doing tasks like vacuuming and dusting. Posting a cleaning schedule on the wall can help you keep track of whose turn it is.
3
Keep noise levels down. Be aware of the noise you create when you talk on the phone, watch TV, listen to music, or have a snack, since these sounds can quickly become irritating to someone else. If your roommate is attempting to study or sleep, use headphones with your electronics. And try to find another space outside the room to talk on the phone for long conversations.
- Schedule quiet hours, such as 10:00 pm to 8:00 am, so you know exactly what time you need to switch the sound off.
4
Always ask before borrowing their things. Unless it’s a common item, like a TV you both share, don’t just start using their belongings without asking first. If they’re not around, send them a quick text to ask permission. If the answer is no, do not attempt to borrow it without them knowing. You don't want to give your roommate any cause to distrust you.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you want to encourage a relationship where you borrow each other’s things, offer yours first. Tell them they can borrow a jacket or use your printer whenever they need it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Resolving Conflict

1
Stay calm and respectful. Don’t lose your temper and lash out at your roommate if they do something you don’t like. This will create resentment and likely won’t solve the problem at hand.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Take deep breaths and kindly ask them to not do whatever is bothering you. Your roommate might not even be aware that their behavior is irritating.
- For example, don’t snap “Be quiet!” at them. Say, “The music is making it hard for me to study. Could we have one hour of quiet time?”
2
Discuss problems in a timely matter. Don’t allow your frustrations to build over time without bringing them up. The first time after something happens, address the issue within 24-48 hours. This will ensure all the details are fresh in both of your minds and will keep your anger from simmering too long.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If there’s a recurring issue, schedule a time to sit down and discuss it. Setting a specific time to have a meeting can show that you’re serious about communication. In addition, none of you will be in a hurry, and you will be able to discuss the issue without getting distracted.
3
Spend time apart. Don’t spend all your time, both in and out of the room, in each other’s company. Everyone needs some alone time, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Just make it clear that it’s not because the other person has done anything wrong.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Try offering a “me-time” trade. You get the room to yourself for an hour, then go somewhere else so your roommate can have an hour alone in the room.
4
Seek another person to remediate conflicts. If you can’t resolve an issue between the two of you, find a third, unbiased person to listen to both sides. If you’re siblings sharing a room, ask a parent to do this. If you’re college roommates, most universities have designated resident assistants who are trained in this sort of conflict resolution.^{[10]
X
Research source}

Community Q&A

Question

What if I'm 13 and my 5-year-old sister has made the room Disney princess-themed? My mom is totally on her side.

Donald Tepper

Community Answer

Your options are very limited. Probably your best choice is to approach your mum and explain, calmly and logically, that you're living in the room too and that you'd like at least a portion decorated the way you'd like. Have a proposal ready for the area you want to decorate (i.e. one wall of the room) and how you'd like to decorate. It will be a lot easier if you can find a Disney movie with some scenes or characters that you like, for example Aladdin, Incredibles 2, Black Panther, Star Wars, Toy Story, Fantasia, etc.
Question

I’m sharing with my nine-year-old sister and I’m twelve. Could we split the room in two and decorate our halves the way we want? She is super smart for her age, so could we write a contract?

Community Answer

A contract is probably unnecessary. Ask her about the idea face to face and see if she agrees to your terms. She probably will.
Question

My mum build the bunk beds and we are not allowed to separate the bedroom in half. Plus all the closet area is my mum-and-dad's, so I don't have any closet area for myself. What do I do?

Community Answer

If you have a bunk bed, you can decorate your part of the bed. You can get creative. Also, if you can, have one wall to decorate according to your will and another according to your sister's preferences. If it doesn't work, you can try finding a theme that you both like and decorate it.