How to Respond When He Finally Texts You Back

Written by Imad Jbara | Edited by Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: May 21, 2022

It's bad enough when a guy goes radio silent while you're texting, but it can be even more confusing when he pops back into your inbox hours, days, or even weeks later. Don't worry—we're here to help you work out exactly what to do next. Take some time to reflect on what you want to say, then ask him what's up with ghosting you. From there, you can use his response to figure out whether to give him another chance or delete his number for good!

This article is based on an interview with our professional relationship coach, Imad Jbara. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 5:

Wait a few minutes before you text him back.

1
Leave him wondering whether you'll reply. Don't be too eager to respond. After all, he's the one who ghosted you, so it's only fair to give him a taste of his own medicine. There's no set time to make him wait, but waiting at least 10-15 minutes is a good start.
- Feel free to hold off on your reply until the following day, especially if he texts you late at night!
- It's okay if he sees that you read his text and didn't respond. You're not obligated to reply right away to every message you get!
2
Give yourself a moment to work through your feelings. When you get that long-awaited text, you probably feel at least a little excited, but you may also be a little disappointed or angry that he disappeared in the first place. Reflect on these feelings for a moment—you might find that it affects how you choose to respond to him.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- If you get caught up in the excitement of hearing from him, you might be inclined to just brush off the fact that he ghosted you. That might make him think it's okay to do it again in the future.
- If you take some time to think about it, on the other hand, you might decide to say something like, "If you're going to be a part of my life, you'll have to treat me better than realize that if he's going to be a part of your life, he's going to have to treat you better than that—and that's what you should tell him.
- You might even decide you don't want to answer him at all, and that's fine!^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}

Section 2 of 5:

Ask him what happened if he hasn't explained yet.

1
Don't just pick up the conversation where you left off. If you do, he might think that he can disappear from your inbox for as long as he pleases, and you'll always be available.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.} Go ahead and address the elephant in the room by saying something like:
- "Oh wow, I haven't heard from you in a while. What's up?"
- "Hm.. Surprised to hear from you, thought you ghosted."
- "What happened last time we talked? You disappeared!"
- "Sorry I don't have your number saved. Who's this?"
2
Do a vibe check to see if his reaction seems legit. It's okay to be a little skeptical about whatever he says when you ask him why he ghosted you, especially if you suspect he's kind of a player. But, to be fair, go ahead and listen when he tells you what happened. Then, compare his answer to whatever you already know about him to see how plausible it sounds.
- If you know he has a new puppy and he tells you his dog chewed up his phone, there's a good chance that could be true. If he's been posting to Snapchat all week, though, don't be afraid to call him out on it!
- If his dating profile says he's an only child and he tells you he was out of town for his brother's wedding, that's pretty suspicious.
- Is your gut telling you that he's being dishonest? It's usually a good idea to trust your intuition.

Section 3 of 5:

Let him know you don't tolerate ghosting.

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Explain how you felt when he ghosted you. Keep this part brief—maybe 1-2 sentences about why it bothered you that he just ditched the convo. Use "I" statements to describe your feelings, which will help keep him from getting defensive.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Say something like:
- "I thought we were really vibing, so I felt disappointed when I didn't hear from you for so long."
- "I was kind of confused when you stopped texting in the middle of our conversation."
- "I felt worried after you didn't text me for a few days, but when I saw you were still active on social media, I realized you'd ghosted me. That made me feel hurt and angry."
2
Politely explain he has to try harder than that. You're a superstar, and you deserve to be treated like one! If he wants the privilege of texting the always-amazing YOU, he's going to have to work for it—and leaving you on read for a week isn't going to cut it. Try saying:
- "I don't really spend time chasing after people who can't make time for me."
- "If you're into me, it shouldn't be hard to respond to my texts."
- "I'm only dating intentionally right now, so I don't really have time for someone who only texts once a month."
3
Maintain your standards so he'll respect you. If you stand up for yourself, he's going to have a lot more respect for you than he will if you just let him treat you however he wants. By making it clear that you're not okay with him ghosting you, he'll see that you have standards and self-confidence. If he's not into that, he's probably not the kind of guy you want to be around anyway.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Say something like, "We went on two dates and then you just stopped calling. That's fine, I can handle it, but I don't usually give second chances when people ghost."
- Or you might say, "I've been busy too, but I still make time to text people who are important to me, especially if they texted me first."

Section 4 of 5:

Give him another chance if he seems sorry.

1
Cut him a break if he has a good reason for ghosting you. Maybe his phone really did break, or maybe he got busy and forgot to text you back. If he generally acts pretty interested in you and his excuse seems plausible, it's okay to give him the benefit of the doubt.
- Say something like, "I guess I'll let it slide this time, but only because you're so cute ;)"
- You can tell he's into you if he's usually responsive to your calls and texts, he acts excited to see you, and he invites you to do things with him.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
2
You might also consider making up if he seems to miss you. Maybe he doesn't have a great excuse, but it's been a while since he ghosted you and he texts out of the blue that something reminded you of him. You should still let him know that it's not cool that he ditched you, but you're obviously on his mind, so it's okay if you want to spend some time catching up.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
- It's also okay if you decide you don't want to talk to him anymore, especially if he has a habit of disappearing for long stretches.

Section 5 of 5:

Move on if he's stringing you along.

1
If he only messages you every once in a while, he's not that into you. It's called breadcrumbing, which means he's dropping little bits of attention your way—just enough to keep you interested. He might be keeping you around as an option in case he wants to hook up down the road, but he's not serious about getting to know you, and you deserve better.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}
- To test the waters, wait until he texts you, then invite him to do something innocent with you, like grabbing coffee or taking your dog to the dog park. If it doesn't happen, it's a good sign he's breadcrumbing.^{[9]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
2
Don't let one guy affect your self-worth. It's tough when you're really into a guy, but he only gives you just enough attention to keep you from losing hope. We've all been there, but always remember—if he doesn't see how special you are, it means he's not the one for you.
3
Go meet new people and have a good time. Life's too short to hang out by your phone hoping that one guy will text you back. It's okay to feel a little disappointed that things didn't work out, but don't let it hold you back from getting back out there. Sooner or later, someone's going to come along who gives you the time and attention you really deserve.
- Enjoy your life! Spend time with your family and friends, dive into the hobbies you love, set new goals for your personal and professional life, and introduce yourself to new people.