How to Respond to Being Called a Good Girl: 7 Replies

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: September 20, 2022

Being called a good girl isn't a new experience for most women, but it can leave you wondering what the person meant. Such a small phrase can be used in lots of contexts, so it's important to understand someone's motivation for using it. Don't worry—we'll help you decipher the meaning and come up with the best response for your exact situation.

Section 1 of 2:

What does it mean when someone calls you a "good girl"?

1
If the person's being friendly, they might casually call you a good girl. You might hear friends playfully call you a good girl, especially if they're just teasing about something kind you've done. If you know the person and believe that they have your best interests at heart, this is just light banter.
- If a stranger calls you a good girl and their tone is nice, they're probably just trying to be kind.
- You might be okay with some friends calling you a good girl, but not with others. This is completely fine—your reaction to anyone calling you a good girl is valid. For instance, you might be alright with a co-worker calling you a good girl if they're kind, but you might dislike it when another co-worker seems fake when they say it.
2
If your lover calls you a good girl, they might be flirting. Think about the context—if you two are in the bedroom and things are getting steamy when they say it, take it to mean that they're being playful and intimate. Maybe you two enjoy a power dynamic in bed and calling you a good girl is their way of being the dominant partner.
- For example, if they're taking charge, they might say something like, "Are you going to be a good girl for me?"^{[1]
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- You might get turned on when your partner calls you a good girl or you might find it uncomfortable. Either way, make it clear to your partner whether or not you want them to keep calling you a good girl in the bedroom.
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3
If a person is being rude or condescending, they may call you a good girl. Consider how the person makes you feel—does your self-esteem take a hit when they call you a good girl? If so, they might be doing it to demean you. Calling you a good girl is their way of saying they're more mature and experienced than you. Pay attention to their tone, especially to see if they're being sarcastic.^{[2]
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- You might hear a co-worker call you a good girl if they're feeling threatened by your work performance. For example, a co-worker might say, "Yes, good job on that report. Now, scoot along like a good girl. I need to talk to Jim."
- If you're in an abusive relationship, your partner will belittle you as a way to break down your confidence. For instance, if you're talking about leaving the relationship, they might say, "You can't do that—you're such a good girl. I need you."

Section 2 of 2:

How to React to Being Called a "Good Girl"

1
Ignore it if you don't mind being called a good girl. If you think the person's being friendly or cute and the phrase doesn't bother you, you don't have to say anything in response. You could simply keep carrying on the conversation or give them a smile.
- For instance, if you're helping someone carry their groceries to their car, they may say, "Aww. You're such a good girl." Just smile and carry on or say, "You're welcome."
2
Ask them to clarify if you're not sure what they meant by it. Since the phrase can mean a lot of different things, it's totally fine to ask someone why they called you a good girl. It's better to be direct and put them on the spot rather than guessing how to react.
- You could use a pleasant, friendly voice to say, "That sounds like it might be a compliment but I don’t really know what you mean by it. Mind explaining it for me?”
3
Say thanks if you found it sweet. If your friend called you a good girl and they were saying it to be kind, let them know that you appreciate it. You could say something like, "Aw, thanks, that's so sweet of you," or, "Yep, that’s me, good to the core, lucky you to have such a good friend!”
- If you're responding by text, keep your thanks short with something like, "Thanks cutie!" or, "Thank you, sweetie."
4
Flirt right back if your partner's being playful or sexy. If you're into flirty banter in the bedroom, send it right back with your own flirtatious banter. Flirting is more than just fun—it maintains intimacy and reduces tension.^{[3]
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Research source} Here are a few responses to being called a good girl that you could try:
- “Who, me? Think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else…”
- "Oh, that's what you think. I can be a bad girl too..."
- "Well aren't you a good boy for noticing how good I'm being."
- Text back: "😉😉😉," or "Thanks sweetie 😉"
5
Call it out if you feel demeaned. If someone's called you a good girl in front of others, bring attention to the poor behavior. This shows everyone else that you won't tolerate being put down. Here are a few phrases you could use in this situation:
- “Well, that’s patronizing. Maybe have a think about your comments before sharing them with me next time.”
- “Gosh, this isn’t the 1950s. You just don’t say stuff like that anymore!”
- “I am not your child or your dog. Please refrain from assuming otherwise.”
- “Ugh! Seriously? Someone needs to brush up on their compliments!”
- “Wow, that’s just cringey. No thanks, don’t call me that again.”
6
Talk it out if it bothered you. If you dislike being called a good girl, pull the person aside and calmly explain that the phrase makes you feel uncomfortable.^{[4]
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Research source} If it's a romantic partner, mention that you want to talk about why being called a good girl bothers you. Have an in-depth conversation—you'll find that this leads to a deeper understanding between you two.
- If someone called you a good girl by text and you want to let them know that's not okay, text them "🤨" or "🤦‍♀️" You could also follow up by saying, "I find this sexist. We need to talk about this later."
7
Tell the person what you prefer to be called. If you're talking with a co-worker, make it clear what you want to be called. You could say, "Just call me by my name and we'll be fine," or "I consider that unprofessional here in our workplace. Kindly stick with my name." For a romantic partner, be really clear about what nicknames or pet names you'd rather be called like honey or darling.
- For instance, you might like being called honey, darling, or your nickname.
- If your partner ignores your wishes, consider it a red flag—they should respect and care about you enough to stop.
- If a co-worker doesn't stop, reach out to your human resources department. Tell them you'd like to report sexist comments that you find demeaning.^{[5]
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- If your family member or friend keeps saying it against your wishes, call them out in front of others and keep reminding them. For example, say, "I've already asked you to stop calling me that. Please don't do it again." It may take time, but keep standing up for yourself.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be more assertive without being aggressive?

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Focus on having a healthy attitude, perception, and desire. Assertiveness is all about about approaching someone with respect, while aggressiveness lacks empathy, compassion, or consideration for the other person.
Question

How can I be assertive without rude?

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

The best approach is to always use verbal and nonverbal language centered on bonding and unifying, rather than dividing. Always use I-statements to explain how you're feeling, and keep an eye on your body language throughout the conversation.