How to Know if Your Boyfriend Only Wants Your Body

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 27, 2022 References

Strong relationships are all about mutual respect and trust. When a guy only wants you because of how hot you are, you probably aren’t getting everything you want out of the relationship. Fortunately, there is a list of concrete red flags you can watch out for to see if your guy only wants you for your body. In this article, we’ll tell you how to know that he’s using you as well as tips on what to do next.

1

You only hang out at late at night.

Night hangs usually mean one thing—and that’s a booty call. If you regularly get texts after 11 pm asking to hang out, that’s a relationship red flag. It could mean that your boyfriend only wants to get in your pants, and he knows that night-time is the time to do it.^{[1]
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- This is especially true if he only ever texts you things like, “You up?”

2

You’ve never met his friends or family.

People introduce partners to their loved ones when they’re getting serious. If you’ve never hung out with your boyfriend’s friends or met his family members, that’s a red flag. It could mean that he only wants you for the physical aspect of your relationship, and he’s not really planning on sticking around long-term.^{[2]
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- Keep in mind that everyone takes relationships at their own pace. If your boyfriend hasn’t introduced you to anyone in his life yet, feel free to ask him why. He might just feel nervous or anxious about getting more serious with you.

3

He doesn’t seem interested in talking.

Healthy partners enjoy having conversations about lots of things. Does your boyfriend engage in conversations with you, or does he brush you off every time you try to chat with him? Unfortunately, if he’s not super interested in talking to you, there’s a chance that he’s only in this relationship for your body.^{[3]
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- He might also try to steer every conversation toward something sexual, or only talk about how hot/sexy you look today, or how an outfit looks on you.

4

He doesn’t ask you questions.

A good partner is interested in knowing you on a deeper level. Have you ever talked about your hopes, dreams, or fears? In healthy relationships, partners will get to know each other more by asking deep questions about their past and their goals for the future. If your boyfriend keeps things pretty shallow and hasn’t ever done a deep dive into your life, it could mean that he’s using you for your body.^{[4]
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- Try starting a conversation with him and asking him questions first. If he doesn’t reciprocate or the conversation dies out, that’s a red flag.

5

He ignores you for days.

Couples usually stay in contact via text or phone calls. You might have trouble getting ahold of your boyfriend on days you don’t see him, or he might leave you on read for hours (or days). If so, it could be a sign that he only wants you for your body—but only on his terms, and when it fits into his schedule.^{[5]
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- It could also be that your boyfriend is super busy, or that he’s bad at texting. However, it’s worth talking to him about it to see what’s up, because ghosting you for days on end isn’t right.

6

He only compliments your looks.

You might notice that he’s never said anything about your personality. This most likely means that he’s not interested in getting to know the real you—he knows everything that he needs to know, which is that you’re hot/sexy. If your boyfriend only ever calls out physical aspects, he might just be using you. For example, if he never cares about how kind you are, and only says things like, "You look like a hot mess right now."^{[6]
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- These compliments are flattering, but things like, “You’re hot,” and “You look so good today” get old after a while. In most relationships, people progress past complimenting just their partner’s looks, and also call out things they like about their personality, like, "You are so sweet."

7

You don’t go on real dates.

Staying at home usually means that he wants to get physical with you. If he only likes you for your body, you might only go over to his place to Netflix and chill. In relationships (especially new ones), partners usually take each other out to eat or do fun things together. Unfortunately, if your boyfriend never wants to leave the house with you, he might only be in it for the sex.^{[7]
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- Feel free to ask your boyfriend out on dates, too! If he’s a little inexperienced in the relationship department, he might not realize that that’s something you want to do.

8

He won’t commit.

He might insist that your relationship is just casual. It’s totally fine if that’s what you’re looking for, but usually, a casual relationship indicates that he’s mainly in it to hook up with you. If you’ve had the “what are we” conversation and he can’t really tell you, it might be time to move on.^{[8]
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- You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you 100%. If it’s been a little while and he can’t decide, move on and find someone else.

9

He gets mad if you don’t want to have sex.

In healthy relationships, you’re allowed to say no to physical contact. Maybe you’re too tired one night, or you’re really just not feeling it. If your boyfriend pouts or gets mad at you because you don’t want to get physical, that’s a huge red flag. No one should ever pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to, especially someone you’re in a relationship with.^{[9]
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National Domestic Violence Hotline
Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
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- Convincing you to have sex after you’ve said no is called “sexual coercion,” and it’s a form of sexual assault. If this has happened with your boyfriend before, you should definitely break things off.

10

He pressures you in the bedroom.

He might ask you repeatedly to do sexual acts you aren’t comfortable with. A healthy partner will take “no” for an answer no matter what. If your boyfriend keeps bringing things up that he knows you aren’t down for, that’s a bad sign.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
Go to source}
- Remember, you’re allowed to say no to anything you don’t want to do with him. If he keeps pushing the issue, it’s probably time to end things.

11

He flirts with other people in front of you.

Flirting shows that he doesn't really respect you or your relationship. You might catch him checking other people out or even flirting with them while you’re around. Not only is this rude to you, but it also shows that he’s preoccupied with how attractive other people are.^{[11]
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- Attraction to others doesn’t disappear when you get into a relationship, but it’s just polite not to flaunt it in front of your partner.
- You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, not one that makes you uncomfortable.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I tell someone I want more than a casual relationship?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Be open and honest about what you want rather than hiding your feelings! A lot of people choose to hide their feelings because they want to avoid conflict and rejection at all costs, but doing this sabotages your chances at happiness.
Question

How do you know if you want a serious relationship?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Be open and honest with yourself about what you want out of your relationship. This can be a bit tricky at first—you might have started out wanting something casual, but your feelings changed and grew stronger as time went on.