How to Make Your Friend's Older Brother Think of You Romantically

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan

Last Updated: December 13, 2022 References

Your friend's older brother may think of you as one of the pipsqueaks who comes over for sleepovers and girl time with his kid sister. In reality, though, you’re a young woman with a serious crush on him. You may be wondering how you should act and what you say around your friend’s older brother. You can make your friend's older brother think of you romantically instead of as a little girl. Just show him your personality, make a connection with him, and maintain your relationship with your friend.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Showing Him Your Personality

1
Be yourself. You want your friend’s older brother to think of you romantically and you also want him to like you for you. So, don’t try to act any different or be someone you aren’t to make your friend’s older brother think of you romantically. Just know that if he is going to think of you romantically, then you being yourself will be enough.
- If you are normally bubbly and silly, then don’t start trying to act mysterious and quiet because you think your friend’s brother might like it.
- Do the things you would normally do when you are around your friend and your friend’s brother.
- Remind yourself that your friend’s brother will be more likely to think of you romantically if he doesn’t think you’re fake.
- You could say to yourself, “It’ll be easier for him to like me if I just act like me.”
- Remember, though, that dating is so generationally nuanced that at times it may be hard to find common ground when it comes to cultural references and hobbies with an older man.
2
Present yourself well. You can make your friend’s older brother think of you romantically if you look nice when you are around him.^{[1]
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Research source} You don’t have to do a total makeover or buy a new wardrobe – you still want to look like you and show him your personality. You can, however, make sure that you make a good impression when you are around your friend’s older brother.
- Make sure your hair is combed, your face is washed, your clothes are clean, and you smell good.
- Make sure you dress appropriately, though. You don’t need to look out of place or feel uncomfortable just to get your friend’s brother to look at your romantically.
- For example, if you are meeting at your friend’s house so you two can go jogging, don’t wear an outfit you would wear out for a special occasion.
- Just wear an outfit that is clean, fits, matches, and good for sweating in when you meet up with your friend.
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3
Show confidence. Your friend’s older brother will be more likely to notice you and possibly think of you romantically if you show him your personality by being confident around him.^{[2]
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Research source} Remind yourself that you are an interesting, exciting person and that you can be confident around your friend’s older brother.
- Hold your head up, stand up straight, and relax your shoulders to show that you are confident.
- Smile and look your friend’s older brother in the eyes when you are talking to him– it’s a great way to show that you’re confident.
- For example, when you go to your friend’s house, stand up straight, smile, and look your friend’s brother in the eyes when you say hi.
- Use a clear, confident voice when you are talking. Don’t whisper – but, don’t yell either. Just speak in a normal, calm tone of voice.
- For instance, if your friend’s older brother is picking you guys up from dance class, you could smile and say, “Hey, Josh. Thanks for picking us up” in a clear voice.
4
Act calm and mature. It will be hard for your friend’s older brother to think of you romantically if you start giggling and saying, “OMG!” every time he’s around you. Being calm and mature when you see him will help him see you as more than just his younger sibling’s friend. Remember that being mature is not the same as trying to act older than you are. Acting mature means acting your age.
- When you see your friend’s brother, calmly smile and say “Hi, How are you?”
- Remind yourself that staying calm and showing how mature you are will help your friend’s brother see you as a person and not just as his sibling’s friend.
- You might say to yourself, “If I relax and act my age, he’ll be able to see my great qualities and might think of me romantically.
- For example, if you happen to see your friend’s brother at the mall, don’t run up to him and start jumping up and down in excitement.
- Instead, take a deep breath, calmly walk up to him, and say something such as, “Hi, Bruce! What are you doing out here?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making a Connection

1
Find out about his interests. The more you know about your friend’s older brother, the easier it will be for you to talk to him and make him think of you romantically. You don’t have to interview your friend, but pay attention for clues that tell you more about your friend’s older brother.
- When you are at your friend’s house, pay attention to things you see around the house.
- For example, a flyer for a band might give you insight into what type of music your friend’s brother likes.
- Notice if your friend talks about their brother’s activities. For example, if your friend mentions that their brother plays a sport or an instrument.
- It’s okay to ask your friend once (or twice) about their brother. More than that and it can get awkward.
- For instance, you might say, “So, tell me more about your older brother. I know a bit about him and I’d like to know more.”
2
Talk to him directly. Your friend’s older brother may be used to thinking of you only as his sibling’s friend. You can start to make him think of you romantically if you make an effort to talk to him when you are around him.^{[3]
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Research source} So, say hi, and start a conversation with your friend’s older brother.
- You can start by just asking him how things are going, how his day was, or about one of the activities he participates in.
- For example, if he walks in while you and your friend are making a snack, you could say, “Hey, Matt. How’s lacrosse going?”
- Ask him his opinion on current events or things going on in the community to keep the conversation going.
- You might say, for instance, “What do you think about the latest presidential debate” or “Who do think is making it to the playoffs this year?”
3
Talk to him about dating in general. Starting a conversation with your friend’s older brother about relationships and dating can help him start looking at you as someone he might go out with. You don’t have to ask him out, but you can talk to him about his opinions on relationships.^{[4]
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Research source}
- For example, you could say something like, “So, Tommy, what do you think makes a good relationship?
- Or, you could try, “What’s the most romantic date you would ever want to go on?”
- You might even say, “How do you let someone know you are interested in them romantically?”
- Ultimately, it's going to come down to figuring out what your shared values are. Many long term relationships work because they simply have those shared values about family, career, education, etc. — those end up being the things that make or break a relationship.
4
Know that you can't make him like you. Even though you have great qualities, your friend’s older brother still may not think of you romantically. If this happens, accept that it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it just means you and your friend’s brother aren’t meant to be.
- Respect it if he thinks the age difference between you two is too big. He may be right if you two aren’t adults and are more than a year or two apart.
- Don’t do anything against your beliefs in order to convince your friend’s older brother to think of you romantically.
- For example, don’t do something sexual with your friend’s older brother just to get him to like you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Friendship

1
Be honest with your friend. Trying to get your friend’s older brother to think of you romantically without letting your friend know can cause problems between you and your friend.^{[5]
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Research source} You don’t have to ask their permission, necessarily, but you should let your friend know what is going on.
- Once you realize you want your friend’s older brother to think of you romantically, you should go ahead and let your friend know.
- You might say something like, “Hey, Stassi, I’m starting to have feelings for your brother and want him to think of me romantically.”
- Or you could try, “Derrick, I’m interested in your older brother and want him to think of me romantically.”
2
Listen to your friend. Your friend may be excited about you possibly starting a relationship with their older brother. Your friend might also have some good reasons why they don’t want their older brother to think of you romantically.^{[6]
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Research source} When you talk to your friend about your feelings for their older brother, take the time to listen to what your friend has to say.
- For example, your friend could know that their brother is already in a relationship with someone.
- Or, for instance, your friend might know that their brother isn’t really good in relationships.
- When you tell your friend how you feel, listen if they say it’s not a good idea. Your friend could be trying to protect you from getting your heart broken.
3
Continue being a good friend. Don’t let your efforts to make your friend’s older brother think of you romantically cause you to neglect your friendship.^{[7]
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Research source} Continue doing the things that you were doing with your friend before you realized you had feelings for their older brother.
- Let your friend know that even though you want their brother to think of you romantically, you don’t want things to change in your friendship.
- You could say something like, “I don’t want my feelings for your brother to change anything between us.”
- Make sure that when you talk to your friend, you talk about things other than their brother. Talk about the things you all always talked about.
4
Leave your friend out of it. You may want to ask your friend to help you convince their older brother to think of you romantically. But, you should leave your friend out of it. It could make your friend uncomfortable. Your friendship will go much better if you don’t put your friend in the middle of things.^{[8]
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Research source}
- Make sure you aren’t using your friend just to get close to their older brother. Don’t just hang out with your friend to be around their brother.
- It can also be really awkward for your friend if things don’t work out between you and their older brother.
- If things don’t work, don’t say bad things to your friend about their brother. They could get mad at you and you could lose a friend.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I date an older man successfully?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

You want to show that you're independent, and that you're confident. Demonstrate how you're comfortable in similar kinds of situations and social circles he might surround himself in!
Question

My close friend has a brother that is 2 years older than us. She thinks that he thinks of me as more than just her friend. How do I find out if he likes me without telling him I like him? (We are 13 and 15.)

Community Answer

You can ask your friend to ask him what he thinks of you. You can also look for clues that he might like you. For instance, does he go out of his way to talk to you and spend time around you and his sister? Does he smile a lot when he sees you or seem to get nervous? If so, he might like you but be too shy to say anything. You may have to be brave and tell him how you feel.
Question

What do I do if her brother is really popular, but I'm not popular so I feel like he won't like me?

Community Answer

Even if your friend's brother is really popular, he can still like you. Make a list of all of your qualities and all the reasons why he could like you instead of focusing only on your popularity.

Warnings

Your friend may feel a bit jealous if they see you spending a lot of time with their brother.

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Don't be creepy. Creepy behavior includes: starting a chat with this boy every single time he logs onto social networking, texting, calling him constantly, etc.

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