How to Be Accepted by Your Boyfriend's Friends

Co-authored by Cristina Morara

It's important to be accepted by your boyfriend's friends. Friends are a vital part of a person's emotional wellbeing. If your boyfriend's friends dislike you, this could affect your relationship. Therefore, try to socialize with his friends effectively. Always be kind and engaged in social settings. Invite your boyfriend's friends out with the two of you and bring food and drinks to social events.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} With a little effort, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting to Know His Friends

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Greet his friends by name. People generally find people more likable when they use their names. This shows that you're attentive and caring of other people. Strive to remember your boyfriend's friends names, and always use their names when greeting them.^{[2]
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- For example, when talking to a friend of your boyfriend, don't say, "How are you doing?" Instead, say, "How are you doing, Josh?" This makes the greeting a little more personal, which will make you a little more likable.
- If you struggle to remember names, it can help to repeat someone's name a few times in your head after you first meet them. You can also try relating the name to something familiar, such as by saying to yourself, "Joshua, like my nephew Joshua."
2
Accept you won't be the center of attention. When you're out with your boyfriend's friends, remember they have a group dynamic at play. As you're new to the group, you won't understand everything. There will be inside jokes you will not understand and certain group traditions that do not involve you. Do not get offended if you're pushed slightly to the sidelines during group outings. Instead, embrace the fact the night does not revolve around you.^{[3]
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- Try to keep a low profile if there is a conversation or joke occurring that you can't follow. Your boyfriend may, for example, talk about drama in the friends group that you don't fully understand. He may also reminisce about memories that do not involve you.
- During these times, take a back seat. Smile and nod without trying to follow everything. It's okay to, at times, give your boyfriend some space in a social setting. In fact, this is likely to make your boyfriend's friends like you more. They will appreciate you allowing your boyfriend to have his own social life.
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3
Make an effort to get to know his friends. During social outings, see your boyfriend's friends as new potential friends for you. Try to get to know them a little. Remember, these are important people in your boyfriend's life. You should make a sincere effort to get to know them.^{[4]
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Research source} You may either gain new friends, or gain clarity about your boyfriend’s friendships, or both.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Ask questions. People love talking about themselves, so ask your boyfriend's friends about their interests and hobbies. Try questions like, "So, what do you do for a living?", "What's your favorite subject in school?", and, "What kind of movies do you like?"
- You should also allow them to get to know you. Share information about yourself in return if they ask.
4
Keep your phone away. No one likes to talk to someone who's constantly on their phone. While it's okay to occasionally return a text or check your Facebook, refrain from being on your phone all night. This is especially important if someone is talking to you directly. If you want to check your phone, do so when no one's talking to you or when you're in the bathroom.^{[6]
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Do not seek out attention. People tend to dislike those who seek out attention. Many people strive to be the center of attention, especially when trying to make an impression. However, this can easily backfire. Instead of trying to get your boyfriend's friends to notice you, try to allow people to come to you organically.^{[7]
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- If you're friendly and confident in conversation, people will be drawn to you. It will not be necessary to seek out excessive attention.
- When you're with your boyfriend's friends, simply be yourself and stay calm. This will endear you to them far more than trying to impress them.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Kind to His Friends

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Invite his friends out on occasion. You want to make sure you're not forming a wall between your boyfriend and his friends. If you're serious about the relationship, it's a good idea to try to make yourself part of the group. Try to include your boyfriend's friends in outings with your boyfriend on occasion. Respecting and embracing the group dynamic will make you more likable to them.^{[8]
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- For example, say you're all hanging out together watching TV and you get hungry. Instead of going out for food with your boyfriend, propose everyone go get something to eat together.
2
Allow your boyfriend to have time alone with his friends. If you don't let your boyfriend have his own space, his friends may come to resent you. You need to strive to respect his right to have his own social group. Avoid giving him a hard time when he's out with his friends. Accept the fact he will sometimes want alone time with his friends and you may not be included.^{[9]
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- When your boyfriend is out with his friends, avoid texting or calling him excessively. It's okay to send a quick text here and there, but don't expect him to be on the phone with you all night.
3
Accept the friends he has. You may not get along with all your boyfriend's friends. Some may rub you the wrong way. You may not have a lot in common with others. However, you should never try to dictate someone's friends group. If you want to be with someone, you need to accept the people they've chosen to have in their life.^{[10]
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Research source} In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Avoid overanalyzing his friends. You may find some people from his friends group seem odd or out of place. However, remember that people make friends during different parts of their life.^{[12]
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- Your boyfriend probably has friends from different eras of his life. While he may not have a lot in common with them now, their past may bond them together. You probably have friends who you share very little common traits with, but you are close nevertheless.
4
Make nice gestures towards his friends. You don't want to bribe your boyfriend's friends into liking you. However, basic kindness can go a long way. On occasion, go a little above and beyond. Bring cookies to a party or buy a round of drinks at the bar. You can also bring board games over for game night or bring snacks to social gatherings. Small gestures here and there can make you more likable.^{[13]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being Likeable

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Use positive body language in social settings. Watch your body language when interacting with your boyfriend's friends. Something as simple as a tweak in body language can make you more likable to others.^{[14]
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- Keep your arms uncrossed, as this will make you look more open.
- Use an enthusiastic tone when talking.
- Maintain eye contact and lean slightly towards the person you're talking to.
2
Be genuine around your boyfriend's friends. Do not try to be something you're not to endear your boyfriend's friends. People don't need you to be exactly like them to like you. People are drawn to those who are genuine, even if they're different from them.^{[15]
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- Never pretend to like something you don't. If you don't know anything about, say, a certain genre of movie, don't follow along as if you do. If you don't care for a certain type of music, it's okay to say so.
- Remember, be genuine without being argumentative. You can state your opinions or interests without presenting them as superior to other people's opinions and interests.
- If you feel nervous and this affects your behavior, then try doing some deep breathing or give yourself a pep talk before you see your boyfriend's friends. Try telling yourself something like, "You're great! Your friends love you and so will his friends. Just try to relax and be yourself."
3
Have fun with his friends. Stay relaxed when hanging out with your boyfriend's friends. If you get too nervous, you may forget to have fun. Your boyfriend's friends will like you more if you're fun to be around.^{[16]
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- It's normal to be nervous when meeting your boyfriend's friends. However, remind yourself you're going to a social event. This should be enjoyable.
- Do not get too in your head about whether or not people like you. Instead, take a few deep breaths and embrace the fun.
4
Plan events for everyone's friends. If you want to be accepted into the friends group, try to merge you and your boyfriend's groups together slightly. When you make plans with your own friends, encourage your boyfriend to bring his friends along. If you encourage everyone to get together, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group. It will also make navigating social situations easier. If everyone is friendly with one another, you and your boyfriend can easily hang out with one another's friends in large social settings without anyone feeling awkward.^{[17]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Is it OK for your boyfriend to have a girl best friend?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It is fine as long as there are clear boundaries and their friendship does not infringe on your relationship in any way. This means he should not use their friendship as an emotional outlet, a way to make you jealous, or keep their conversations secret. If something feels off, speak up quickly and directly.
Question

How do I find the courage to talk to him in front of my friends?

Community Answer

Having people listen in on any conversation could be nerve wracking, and even more so when it comes to a guy you like. Try talking to him alone first if you’re nervous about speaking with him in front of your friends. Or let your friends know that you’re trying to start a conversation with him and ask them to help you out by guiding the conversation his way.
Question

What if I'm too shy to talk to them?

Community Answer

Try to relax and be brave. Shyness is difficult, but it can be overcome. You can try explaining to your boyfriend you're a little nervous. he may be able to help integrate you more into the conversation.

Warnings

Don't tell his friends embarrassing things about him. He might not have told them and he won't appreciate you telling them.

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