How to Make Someone Feel Comfortable With You

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: June 22, 2022

The ability to make others feel comfortable is necessary to leading a happy life. This skill is crucial in the workplace, with family, with friends, or even when talking to strangers. Anytime you socialize with another person, you are sending them a host of verbal and nonverbal communications that convey everything from your current mood to your opinion on a given topic.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Speaking Appropriately

1
Introduce yourself. People are more comfortable if they feel that they know you. You can help them get to know you by introducing yourself at the beginning of any conversation (unless the person already knows you). When you introduce yourself, look the person in the eyes, shake their hand firmly, tell them your name, and say something like “It’s nice to meet you.”^{[1]
X
Research source}
- It is also a good idea to repeat a person’s name back to them by saying something like “It’s nice to meet you, John.”
2
Be attuned to cultural sensitivities. In some cultures it is disrespectful to look someone in the eye or shake their hand. In other cultures these same gestures are signs of respect. Be aware that their culture may differ from your own culture.
- For example, some cultures only shake hands with the right hand because the left hand is considered unclean.
Advertisement
3
Speak to the person respectfully. People form their impressions about others within the first few seconds of interaction. Talk in a genuine, authentic and personable manner, and always speak with sincerity. Be sure to use their title or name when it is appropriate. Address the person in a calm and reserved tone. Avoid using nicknames unless you know the person well and know that they are comfortable with that name.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- If you are unsure about how to address the other person, it is okay to ask them what their preference is, especially in professional settings. You can ask, "What do you prefer to be called?"
4
Use humor carefully. Jokes can often carry inappropriate or offensive undertones. Be sure that any jokes you make are friendly to anyone. Avoid making humor at the expense of people around you, since this will them feel uncomfortable.^{[3]
X
Research source}
5
Give positive feedback. If you insult or belittle someone, they will not feel very comfortable around you. Instead, speak to them in a positive and uplifting way. Encourage the other person and say positive things about them.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Instead of saying, “Your view on renewable energy is completely wrong” consider saying, “Your view on renewable energy is very interesting. I never thought of that angle before.”
- You might also introduce the person and name a quality that they possess. For example, maybe they are a computer whiz or great with spreadsheets.
6
Avoid swear words or unpleasant language. Using aggressive language can cause someone to feel uncomfortable around you. Even if you are not being aggressive toward the person directly, using excessive swearing or other offensive words can give the impression that you are rude or immature. ^{[5]
X
Research source}
7
Stay aware of your tone and volume. What you say is important, but how you say it is equally important. Regardless of the words you use, speaking loudly or grumpily will make someone uncomfortable. At the other extreme, speaking too quietly can make it hard to hear you, which can be uncomfortable. Aim for an even, audible tone that does not overpower other people speaking.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Understanding Body Language

1
Use a genuine smile. A fake smile is rarely convincing. Understand that a natural smile requires your entire face. Smile comfortably and frequently, but not constantly.^{[6]
X
Research source}
2
Appear to be attentive. Your facial expressions will communicate your interests and attentiveness to the other person. Make sure that you are looking at the person with whom you are engaging and not browsing the room. Avoid yawning or rolling your eyes. Lifting your eyebrows or tilting your head slightly will also show the other person that you are interested and paying attention to them.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- When it is your turn to speak, stay on topic and respond to what the other person was saying. This will show them that you were listening.
3
Match your breathing with theirs. Breathe at the same pace as the other person. This may help others feel comfortable and relaxed around you. If the other person appears anxious with a faster breathing pace, become aware of your own breath. Give it a slightly slower and more consistent pace. After some time, you may notice that the other person’s breathing rate is slowing down as they become more comfortable with you.
4
Hold a good posture. How you hold your body says a lot about your personality. Mostly, it conveys to the other person how comfortable and confident you are in the situation. By sitting (or standing) up straight you will show that you are confident. Keeping your arms uncrossed when you are standing and legs uncrossed when you are sitting is best practice. It is a sign of openness and will help to make you more approachable.^{[8]
X
Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Keeping Physical Boundaries

1
Stand or sit close enough to facilitate the conversation. If you are shouting across the room to someone, this can make for an uncomfortable conversation. Pull up a chair or stand close enough to them so that you can speak in a normal tone and be easily heard. If you can’t hear them, there is a good chance that they can’t hear you.^{[9]
X
Research source}
2
Remain outside the other person’s “bubble.” Getting too close to the other person is socially awkward. A good rule of thumb is to remain an arm’s length from someone you are talking to. This allows the other person to feel comfortable and not threatened.^{[10]
X
Research source}
3
Avoid touching someone unless you know they are comfortable with it. In addition to giving someone their “bubble space,” you should keep your hands, feet, face, etc. to yourself. Do not touch another person unless you have their permission and know that they are comfortable with the contact. This includes things as innocent as patting someone on the shoulder.^{[11]
X
Research source}

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Communicating Emotions Appropriately

1
Moderate your emotions around strangers. Whether you are talking to a stranger or talking to a close friend in a public or social environment, you want to appear stable. Being overly emotional (regardless of the emotion) is seen socially as uncomfortable and immature. If you want to make people comfortable, avoid highly emotional topics and keep the conversation casual in public settings.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could ask someone to meet you somewhere private like your home if you need to talk about something highly upsetting. This way, if you do show emotions, it will be more comfortable.
2
Look for emotional cues from the other person. It is also important to recognize the mood of the other person. This will help you distinguish what kinds of conversation are appropriate at the time. Things like sitting up straight and smiling would be a cue that someone is in a good mood. On the flip side, someone who is looking down at their feet might be nervous or upset.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- If someone is avoiding eye contact with you or seeming to be creating distance, then they are likely uncomfortable. If they are reaching toward you or looking directly at you, they are probably comfortable with you.
3
Share your emotions with people you are close to. Sharing emotions at appropriate times can strengthen bonds of friendship and family. This can make another person feel more comfortable with you. Tell them how you feel about a situation, or share something that is troubling you. This will make the other person feel trusted and important.
- For example, talking to your friend about a difficult situation at home might make them feel that you trust them and value their friendship.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you make people feel less awkward around you?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

If you're dealing with a socially awkward person, the first thing you should do is sit down with them and have an open conversation about their boundaries. Learn what makes them uncomfortable and respect their needs. Maybe they need more down-time than the average person. Or maybe conflict makes them highly anxious. No matter what, be kind, don’t be judgemental and take the time to listen and understand this person.
Question

How can I make my boyfriend more comfortable with me?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

If you sense that there's something wrong, first ask if it’s a good time to have a serious conversation. Make sure your boyfriend is in the right headspace to talk things out and make sure alcohol or drugs are not involved. Always start your conversation positively and approach it with care, being an active listener. The goal is to learn if something is making your boyfriend uncomfortable, not to start a fight. Try and see his perspective and don’t be shy when it comes to communicating your own perspective.