How to Make Lemonade when Life Gives You Lemons

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. This popular saying is basically advising you to make the best of the negative situations in life. If you end up with something sour, like a lemon, try your best to find the deeper sweetness. This quote can be much easier said than done, however. Learn how to adopt a more optimistic attitude in the face of adversity.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Making the Best of Negative Circumstances

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    Look for the lesson. You can glide more easily through life's bad situations when you use them as teachable moments for yourself. There is something you can learn from virtually every circumstance you encounter. This allows you to constructively cope with negative situations. You find the lesson and apply what you learned to the future.
    • When you face a problem, think of it as a challenge that is strengthening you for later circumstances. Ask yourself, "what can I learn about this situation?" You can confidently leave this situation knowing that you will make a wiser, more-informed decision down the road.[1]
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    Take control of the things you have power over. People automatically feel better about negative circumstances in their lives when things are under their control. True enough, we have very little control over a lot of things in our lives, the weather and the price of gas, to name a few. But, we should concentrate our energies on those things we can control to boost our outlook on life.
    • To demonstrate, researchers found that optimism was much greater in subjects for events in which they had a fair amount of control, such as being the driver in a car accident or getting skin cancer, as opposed to those in which they had very little control like being the passenger in a car accident or having to wear a hearing aid.[2]
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    Reach out for social support.[3] No matter what you are facing, you can find comfort in the knowledge that some other human being has been there, too. Whether you are dealing with financial troubles, a bad break up or recovering from a health problem--there's someone out there who understands your struggle. Connecting with such individuals can help you feel less alone.[4]
    • You can always turn to friends or family members during difficult life situations. However, don't hesitate to reach out further to religious leaders or counselors. You can even connect with people going through similar experiences as you on Meetups or online forums.
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    Change your language. Most people don't think about what the words they say actually mean. We just say them and invite gray clouds over our heads. Research shows that a single negative word generates stress-producing chemicals in the brain.[5] [6] Here are some words you can toss from your vocabulary to promote optimism.[7]
    • Drop "have to" for "get to" - "I get to work out in the gym today."
    • Swap "problems" for "situation" - "We have a situation that we need to discuss."
    • Trade in "mistakes" for "valuable lessons" - We all learned from your valuable lesson.
    • Change "bad" to "unwise" - "The choice I made today was unwise."
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Learning How to Cope

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    Develop healthy coping skills. You have probably heard that most times it's not exactly the situation, but your reaction to it that counts. Being an optimist is just as much about your reactions as it is about your thinking patterns. Stocking a toolbox with healthy skills that you can apply during stressful or upsetting times is key to maintaining your optimism. Healthy coping skills may include:
    • Cultivating positive friendships
    • Staying physically active
    • Using humor to lighten the mood
    • Leaning on your spirituality
    • Practicing meditation
    • Escaping reality through reading
    • Pursuing a range of interests and hobbies
    • Spending time with a pet
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    Be engaged. Don't try to be happy, as this can have the opposite effect. Rather than aiming to be happy, aim for engagement.[8] Fully savor positive happy moments when you're in them. Then, when you find yourself in a negative mindset, choose a healthy coping skill to fully engage in and get your mind off what's getting you down. Becoming engaged in your life is like a cure for a pessimistic attitude.[9]
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    Practice gratitude. One guaranteed way to feel more positive about your life, and turn the proverbial lemons into lemonade, is to develop a grateful spirit. Science tells us that consistently being grateful brings with it a multitude of benefits, include more happiness and job, less loneliness and isolation, stronger immune functioning, and a bountiful cycle of acting in a compassionate way towards others.[10]
    • Incorporate the practice of gratitude into your life by noticing the small wonderful things that occur everyday. These might be laughter of children, tucking under a blanket with a good book, relishing in a gourmet meal, or hugging a loved one.[11]
    • Make it your business to not only notice these small wonders, but you should also document them. Start a gratitude journal that feature little kindnesses shown to you throughout each day as well as going into depth about specific events or situations of which you are grateful.[12]
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    Lead a healthy lifestyle. When you are taking good care of your physical and mental well-being it becomes much easier to see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. A healthy lifestyle consists of:[13]
    • Exercising regularly - approximately five 30-minute sessions each week
    • Eating well-balanced meals - between 3 and 5 meals
    • Getting adequate sleep - 7 to 9 hours
    • Managing stress - using your coping toolbox
    • Having fun - doing things that make you laugh or smile
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    Strike a balance. No one's life is all good or all bad. Being realistic is an important part of true optimism, too. Blind optimism, which is the everything's-all-good-all-the-time approach, can quickly lead to failed expectations. Also, not assessing your goals regularly to see if they are realistic can result in your walking in the same hole day after day and week after week.[14]
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    Refrain from making comparisons. Holding your life and your accomplishments up against those of another is a bad habit that you need to break. Comparisons keep you feeling bad about yourself, because there will always be someone who is more attractive, richer, or more successful. Aim to stop idealizing and start humanizing.
    • What this means is instead of looking from the outside and idealizing another person's life, you should realistically assume that this person also has faults and bad days. No human being is perfect.
    • Accept that there is more to people than meets the eye, and you won't feel so bad about your own shortcomings.[15]
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    Stick by positive people. A surefire way to keep you on the path to a brighter outlook is by sharing the hours and days of your life with people who make you feel valued and worthy.
    • The environment around us largely influences our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.[16] When you surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive, you give yourself the best chance to thrive.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Shifting Your Thinking

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    See the benefits of being an optimist. Optimistic people--those who look on the bright side-- tend do better in life, in everything from work/school to relationships. They not only do better in the lives they lead, but they also lead longer ones.[17] The good news is, you don't have to be naturally optimistic to reap these benefits. Optimism can be learned.
    • Researchers believe optimism can be taught through a range of behaviors, including by being shown affection, by having the chance to take risks and fail, and by watching others who are optimistic.[18]
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    Override negative thought patterns.[19] The very first step to turning lemons into lemonade is being aware of your negativity. If you are blind to your tendency to only see the bad side of things, you won't be able to transform this habit. Track your thoughts on a daily basis, becoming attuned to the negative assumptions you make.[20]
    • When you notice a negative thought pattern, override this thought by coming up with something more positive to say. For example, you might ail a test in school and conclude "I'm not good at anything!" Transform this thought into something like "Math is hard, but I am really good in English and History."
    • If you are a lifelong pessimist, it will seem insincere to override your natural negative thinking. Fight against this fake feeling; it will get easier in time.
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    Anticipate the best possible outcome.[21] People in a range of jobs and industries practice visualization to help them find success--professional athletes and CEOs included.[22] Visualizing success accomplishes four things: generates creative ideas to help you reach your desired outcome, programs your brain to look for and notice the resources you need to succeed, draws positive people and situations to you (i.e. activates the law of attraction), and give you the necessary motivation to take appropriate action.[23]
    • Visualization is a fairly easy technique to master. Set aside a few minutes each day for quiet. Close your eyes and envision yourself living life as if your goals were already achieved. Notice what's happening in vivid detail, activating your senses to make the vision seem more real.
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    Prepare for the worst. Becoming an optimist can be freeing and life-affirming, but if your inner pessimist struggles against it, just have back-up. One fitting quote says, "I'm an optimist, but I'm an optimist who carries a raincoat." Expect the best, but have a plan in mind in case the worse does happen.[24]
    • This strategy helps you balance your budding optimistic self with your overly negative pessimist one. You direct your energies towards the better outcome occurring. But, you also have prepared yourself and thought out an alternate plan to deal with the worst outcome, if it should occur.
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References

  1. ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/6-ways-to-be-positive-in-any-situation/
  2. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11675801
  3. ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/social-support-getting-and-staying-connected
  4. ↑ Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Career Coach. Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
  5. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/11/30/words-can-change-your-brain/
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/words-can-change-your-brain/201208/the-most-dangerous-word-in-the-world
  7. ↑ http://www.wcupa.edu/hr/training/Documents/Lesson13-a_magic_words.pdf
  8. ↑ Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Career Coach. Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
  9. ↑ https://www.prevention.com/life/g20474730/the-pessimists-guide-to-being-optimistic/
  1. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/expandinggratitude
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-purpose/201411/happiness-life-3-practice-gratitude
  3. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
  4. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/healthy-living-8-steps-to-take-today
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200704/the-optimism-revolution
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/how-stop-comparing-yourself-others-and-feel-happier
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201201/personal-growth-four-obstacles-positive-life-change
  8. ↑ https://www.prevention.com/life/g20474730/the-pessimists-guide-to-being-optimistic/
  9. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/the_benefits_of_optimism
  10. ↑ Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Career Coach. Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
  11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-worry-mom/201204/becoming-optimist
  12. ↑ Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Career Coach. Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
  13. ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/242373
  14. ↑ https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/visualize-and-affirm-your-desired-outcomes-a-step-by-step-guide/
  15. ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/expect-best-prepared-worst-ca-manoj-dembla

About This Article

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Co-authored by:
Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also is an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives. This article has been viewed 92,472 times.
10 votes - 90%
Co-authors: 13
Updated: September 11, 2020
Views: 92,472
Categories: Optimism | Psychological Resilience
Article SummaryX

To make lemonade when life gives you lemons, try to look at failures and bad situations as challenges and opportunities to learn from, instead of letting them get you down. For example, if you didn't get a job you really wanted, you could look at it as an opportunity to make your resume even better and prepare more for your next interview. Additionally, try to find a few healthy coping skills you can use whenever you're feeling down about yourself or your current situation, like meditating, picking up a new hobby, or reading a good book. At the end of the day, you'll feel better about your life if you're in control of it, so don't be afraid to set goals for yourself and actively pursue the things you want, even if you encounter a few roadblocks along the way. ' For more advice from our Counselor co-author, like how to be more optimistic, keep reading!

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