The Important Difference Between "I Love You" and "Love You"

These two seemingly similar phrases can actually mean quite different things

Co-authored by Jessica January Behr, PsyD and Savannah Vold

Last Updated: February 27, 2023 References

So your partner says “love you” instead of “I love you,” or maybe your friend just texted you “I love you,” and despite your best efforts, you can’t figure out what they’re trying to say. Do they love you-love you, or just like you? Deciphering the meaning between these two seemingly similar phrases can be kind of confusing. Isn’t love supposed to be easy? Lucky for you, dear reader, it can be. In this article, we’ll explain the difference between these two phrases and help you decide how to respond.

Section 1 of 6:

What’s the difference between “I love you” and “Love you?”

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“I love you” is more serious. You’d be surprised what one little “I” in a sentence can do to change the sincerity of a phrase. Saying “I love you” as opposed to “love you” shows a degree of ownership over your emotions for that person and implies that you not only care for them romantically or platonically (friends and family) but that you trust and respect them too.^{[1]
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- “I love you, Alex. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now and decided I just had to tell you.”
- “I love you, Jenna. I won the jackpot having you as my child.”
- “Have I told you that I love you yet today? You’re the best partner anyone could ask for.”
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“Love you” is more casual. Unlike “I love you,” “love you” is a kind phrase shared between friends, family, or whoever you feel like being nice to. Like “thank you,” “love you” can also be used to express gratitude or appreciation.^{[2]
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- “You seriously saved my life helping me with that assignment the other night. Love you!”
- “Love you, see you at Emma’s house tonight.”
- “Haha, love you. You’re the best!”

Section 2 of 6:

Responding to “I Love You”

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“I’m so glad you told me. I love you too!” If you feel lucky to be the recipient of someone’s sincere love for you and want to reciprocate the sentiment, be brave and say it back! The great thing is they’ve already gotten the hardest part out of the way by telling you first.^{[3]
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“Thank you for telling me that. I’m going to need some time to think things through.” Sometimes, someone confessing their feelings for you can catch you off guard. This example clearly communicates that you need time to process the information you’ve just received.
- If you don't want to hurt the person, try figuring out a way to show appreciation while acknowledging that you're not reciprocating those same feelings in that moment. For instance, you might say that you care about them.
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“I’m flattered but I see you more as a friend.” If you know you can’t reciprocate your friends’ romantic affection for you, it’s best to communicate openly and honestly. Letting them know your feelings respectfully is the best way to deal with this situation.

Section 3 of 6:

Responding to “Love You”

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“You’re the best. Love you too.” If you feel comfortable, reciprocate the sentiment. “Love you” can be used super casually between friends to show affection and sometimes even strangers to show playful friendliness, so you don’t need to think too much about saying it back.^{[4]
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“Love you, girl!” Keep it casual. This fun phrase works great when used in passing or when commenting on a friend’s social media post.
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“Haha, thanks!” If saying “love you” makes you uncomfortable, go with your gut and respond in a way that’s true to you. There’s nothing wrong with a simple “thank you.”

Section 4 of 6:

When to Say “I Love You”

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Say “I love you” when you want to express deep romantic feelings. Recognizing that you love someone is a beautiful, scary, and exciting thing. If you find yourself wanting to tell your special person that you love them, take the leap and go for it. It’s better to know that you were honest with yourself and them than to live with the regret of “what if?” Who knows, this could be the start of something amazing!^{[5]
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- “We’ve been dating for a while now, and I want to tell you that I love you.”
- “Jess, I love you. We’ve been friends for so long, but things have changed for me, and I hope they have for you, too.”
- “This might come as a surprise to you, but I love you. You don’t have to say it back yet, or if you need some time to think about it. I just had to tell you.”
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Say “I love you” when you want to express deep platonic love. Whether you care deeply for a friend, family member, or otherwise, “I love you” is appropriate to use in serious moments with the people you value most. “I love you” is always more meaningful than “love you.”^{[6]
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- “I love you, Mom. Thank you for making me the person I am today.”
- “Your friendship means so much to me. I love you, Alex.”
- “You’ve always been there for me through everything, Coach Johnson. I love you.”

Section 5 of 6:

When to Say “Love You”

Say “love you” when you want to be friendly or say thank you. “Love you” is a fun and casual way to make your friends and family feel special, and it’s so important to let them know you care.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} These days, “love you” is used more as a sign of friendliness than as a way to declare your serious feelings for someone.
- “Love you!”
- “You always make me laugh, love you for that.”
- “Love you, Jack. See you at school tomorrow.”

Section 6 of 6:

When should you say “I am in love with you” vs. “I love you?”

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Say “I am in love with you” when expressing your feelings for someone for the first time. “I am in love with you” is explicitly reserved for telling someone that you love them romantically. If you’ve fallen and want someone to know for sure, tell them that you are in love with them.^{[8]
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- “I’m in love with you, Max.”
- “With all this time we’ve been spending together, I’ve really fallen for you. I am in love with you, Margot.
- “I do so much for you because I’m in love with you. You deserve it.”
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Say “I love you” if your romantic feelings are already established. If you’ve already confessed your love for your romantic partner, saying “I love you” whenever you feel inclined to do so is perfectly adequate. Since your partner already knows your feelings for them, you don’t have to say “I am in love with you” every time you want to let them know you care.^{[9]
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- “Gosh, I love you! You look gorgeous today.”
- “Thank you for the extra support today. I love you, Erica.”
- “I love you. You make me so proud to call you my partner.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you respond to an "I love you" text?

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Relationship Psychologist
Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Relationship Psychologist

Expert Answer

Take some time to think about how the text makes you feel first. Did it make you happy? Did it make you uncomfortable? Did it make you nervous? You're totally entitled to take time and process your thoughts and feelings—don't feel pressured or like you're "on the clock" to give a response!