This article was co-authored by James M. Sama. James M. Sama is a Personal Development Coach as well as an International Speaker and Author. With over a decade of experience, he specializes in relationships, leadership, and business strategy. James holds a degree in Business Management from Newbury College and a BSBA in Marketing from Suffolk University. In addition to over 38 million page views on his website and a social media following of over 400,000, James has made regular media appearances on CNN, CBS, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, and CNBC.
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"He loves me, he loves me not... he loves me, he loves me not..." If only flowers could tell whether you love someone or not! Luckily, there are a few simple ways to figure out whether or not the special guy in your life is "the one" or just another crush. After going through a few easy checklists, you'll know for sure whether or not to start using the "L word."
Steps
Things You Think About Him
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1See how often you think about him. When you love someone, the other things in your life become a little less important in your mind. If you love a guy, you may find yourself thinking about him often — even when you don't really want to. If he's the first thing on your mind when you wake up, and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep, this is a sign that you have serious feelings about him.[1]
- However, infatuation (puppy love) can have the same effect. Since just thinking about someone often isn't enough to say whether you love that person, use the other steps below to help make your decision.
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2Judge how badly you want to be around him. The person you love shouldn't be someone you're shy around. Love means that you're extra-comfortable around this guy — you like hanging out with him because he makes you feel like you can be yourself.[2] On the other hand, if this guy still makes you feel nervous, antsy, or insecure, your relationship may not have made it to "love" territory yet.[3]
- If you still get the butterflies around this guy, don't worry. You can eventually love him — you just need to spend more time together and grow more confident around each other.
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3See whether you find yourself thinking about shared memories. People who love each other tend to enjoy thinking about the rich, rewarding time they've already spent together. If you sit down and think of the things you've done together, do you find yourself feeling warm, happy, or nostalgic emotions? If so, you may have a good foundation for love.
- If you don't feel an attachment to your memories together, you may not be there yet. If you don't have any memories together, you probably haven't spent enough time with this guy for love to develop.
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4Do you think realistically about your future together? It's natural to have some fantasies of the future when you have a crush — running off together to a tropical retreat, exploring the world, etc. However, when you love someone, your fantasies tend to be a little more realistic. You may find yourself thinking things like, "I wonder if we can live together when we finish school?", "I wonder whether we could get a dog together," and so on. If so, this can be a sign that you are excited for a realistic future with your partner, which is evidence for love.
Ways You Act Around Him
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1See whether you naturally smile when you're with him. The person you love should make you happy most of the time when you're together. If he can cheer you up no matter how angry you are, this is an even better sign. If you find yourself smiling whenever he is around, this is best of all. Your smile should be open and genuine, not forced.[4]
- A friend can help you see whether you smile around him or not. Tell your friend to watch your face when you're hanging out him in a group, then give yourself a few minutes to forget you told your friend to do this. If your friend notices your face light up whenever he talks to you, you may be feeling something for this guy.
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2Listen to how often you talk about him. Loving someone usually means they will naturally work their way into your conversations simply because you're thinking about them so much. If you find yourself gushing about the latest developments with this guy even when the conversation has nothing to do with him, you definitely have an attachment to him. You can ask your friends to help you here — ask them whether they notice you talking about him a lot.
- For obvious reasons, this isn't a good choice if you tend to get shy when talking about romance. In this case, you may avoid talking about your relationship even if you do love him, so use the other recommendations in this article.
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3Check how often you look at his social media. Today, the internet gives people who are in love plenty of opportunities to check on each other. If you are constantly checking this guy's Facebook, Twitter, AIM, Instagram, etc. to get the latest updates or catch a new dreamy selfie, you have at least a serious crush. Even things as simple as checking to see if your guy will be online to talk to every night can be signs of attachment.
- Of course, this on its own isn't a sign of love. Looking at someone's profile pics every night may simply mean you think he's good-looking, so use this tip along with the others in the article to get a complete picture of how you feel about him.
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4Check how you act around him in groups. The way you carry yourself around your guy when you're hanging out with other people can help tell you whether you love him or not. If you find yourself focusing on everything he says or snapping to attention whenever he opens his mouth, you may have serious feelings for him. If you find yourself more interested in what he has to say than what anyone else does, this is an even better sign. Being in love with a guy means valuing him for what comes out of his mouth instead of just the way he looks when he's talking.
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5See if you prioritize him over other male friends and crushes. As noted at the top of this article, when you're in love with someone, everything else seems a little less important. If you find that you want to spend time with this guy even when you have lots of other male friends, he's definitely important to you. You may even have multiple crushes and prioritize this guy over the rest (it's OK to find multiple people charming or attractive — just date one at a time).
- This doesn't mean that the more time you spend with someone, the more you love that person. Even if you love this guy, however, you shouldn't spend all your time with him. People who love each other let their partners spend time with friends and family members.
References
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/33720-13-scientifically-proven-signs-love.html
- ↑ James M. Sama. Personal Development Coach.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201507/how-do-you-really-know-if-youre-falling-in-love
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/falling-in-love-changes-your-body-and-brain-2018-7?IR=T
About This Article
Knowing if you love a guy can be hard, but by paying attention to how he fits into your life, you'll be able to figure it out. Think about how you feel when you’re around him. Someone you love will make you feel happy and super comfortable. You might even find yourself naturally smiling when you’re around him. On the other hand, if you still feel nervous or insecure, it might be too early in the relationship. You should also consider if you see a future with him. If you really love him, you might be thinking of eventually moving in together or getting a pet together. You probably talk about him a lot with your friends too, even if you don't realize it, so ask your friends what they think. To learn how to tell if you prioritize a guy over your other friends, read on!
