How to Keep Your Boyfriend in a Long‐Distance Relationship

Last Updated: March 21, 2023 Approved

Maintaining a long-distance relationship requires patience, creativity and a lot of trust. Whether your boyfriend is spending a semester abroad, doing an overseas internship, or you're just apart for a few months, you'll likely wonder how to keep your relationship strong.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Keeping Communication Strong

1
Talk once a day. Every long-distance relationship has its own optimal level of communication, but daily communication is a must for couples separated for more than a few weeks. Whether you prefer text, email, online chat, telephone calls or video chatting, make sure you're sharing your life with your boyfriend. For a romantic option, write an old-fashioned letter and put it in the mail!^{[1]
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- Don't share information that might make him jealous or feel left out.
- You might need to schedule daily conversations, or you might decide to keep them spontaneous.
2
Trust him. Being in a long-distance relationship will make every slight or twinge of envy seem larger than it would if you were closer together. If you find yourself obsessively checking his online status updates, or worrying because he doesn't reply to your text right away, it's a good idea to take a step back.^{[2]
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- If you're worried he's having a flirtation, the best thing to do is ask him directly. Talk about your concerns, and reassure him of your own fidelity.
- Remember that the way to get around fear in a relationship is to practice honesty.
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3
Try to recognize when the relationship problem is distance. Sometimes one of you is bound to get physically lonely for the other person. You miss being around each other. You might feel irritable, restless, or disagreeable. When this happens, usually the main relationship problem is that you're too far away from each other.^{[3]
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- Try to express the frustration you're feeling clearly, without bring up past history. Stick to the topic at hand.
- Explain what is bothering you without blaming your boyfriend.
4
Be supportive. With any relationship, it's a good idea to check in with him and see how things are going in his daily life. Be quick to offer encouragement for what he's going through and praise for his accomplishments.
- It's fine to ask for his support too. Including him in your life will remind him that he's important to you.
- You can continue to work through problems together. Sometimes spending some time apart can help strengthen this aspect of your relationship.
5
Learn to have fun without him. If you're miserable, you'll likely sabotage your relationship with your boyfriend. Relationships are easier to maintain when you're feeling happy and confident. It's easier to be patient when you're busy doing things you enjoy - like spending time with girlfriends, joining a club, or taking a new class at the gym.
- Share your new activities with your boyfriend when you talk. Make sure he knows you're happy, not moving away from him.
- If you're spending time in new places he's never been, send him plenty of photos so that he knows where you are.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Sharing Your Life at a Distance

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Do things together. Even if he's far away, you can find ways to enjoy your shared interests. For example, maybe you can watch a favorite television show or movie at the same time, while talking on the phone or texting. Schedule date nights where you plan to "share" a meal and movie, and enjoy longer conversations.^{[4]
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- You can continue to feel connected as a couple, even though you may be far apart.
- Scheduling date nights will help him know that this relationship is a priority in your life.
2
Send him treats. Sending him special things that he might miss from home will let him know you're thinking of him. Texting nice notes without expecting a response might cheer him up. Sending photos of yourself with your mutual friends can remind him of your connection. Be creative!^{[5]
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- Don't overwhelm him with these treats. For example, if he's gone for 3 months, sending no more than 1 per month might be a good number.
- Getting something tangible through the mail will remind him that your relationship is real, even though you're apart.
3
Know when you'll be together again. If he's spending a semester abroad, make a plan to visit him if you can. If you're apart for the summer, maybe you can make a special plan for July 4th. If you'll see him at the end of his internship, plan a special day together to welcome him home.
- Knowing when you'll see each other again can help you both feel more secure in the long-distance relationship.
- Focusing on the time you'll spend together, rather than the time you're spending apart, will help you be more positive.
4
Celebrate the special days together. Even if you can't physically be in the same room, you can continue to celebrate the special events of your life together. Perhaps you're celebrating the anniversary of your first kiss, or your first date. Choosing to include your boyfriend in your birthday plans even though he's miles away will help him feel closer to you.
- Keep a calendar with your special dates marked.
- Consider sharing an online calendar with each other. Do not be afraid to remind of yourself if you really care about this person.

Expert Q&A

Question

Can long distance ruin a relationship?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

With long-distance relationships, jealousy is a common problem. To keep it from turning into a major issue and ruining your relationship, deal with jealousy in a healthy and positive way. Make sure to be honest about your feelings and other people in your life. Remain calm and understanding whenever you talk with your partner about their jealousy.