How Fast Should You Reply to a Girl's Text? Dating Experts Weigh In

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Kira Jan

Last Updated: February 17, 2023 References

Your phone dings, and it’s a text from the girl you like—should you respond right away or wait to reply? On one hand, you don’t want to come across as too eager. But you definitely want to keep the conversation going. Timing your response the right way can show her you’re interested while making sure you come across as cool and confident. We know it’s easy to get nervous when you’re texting your crush. So let’s take the guesswork out of how fast you should respond to the girl you like. We’ve asked our team of dating experts for their pro tips on texting response time—here’s what they have to say.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Reply within 5 minutes when you’re texting your crush.

You might come across as too eager if you reply right away. A 5-minute response time is ideal, since it gives you time to think of an awesome reply that’ll show off your personality and get her attention.^{[1]
X
Research source} But since you’re not keeping her waiting too long, responding after a few minutes still lets you keep the conversation flowing.
- Keep up the conversation momentum by asking follow-up questions and sending texts that show you relate to what she says.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- For instance, if she mentions she’s chilling at home and watching a show you know, say something like, “Hey, that’s actually my ideal evening. But I’m so concerned about Tate’s character. Seriously, what is he thinking?”
- Make her smile by bringing up something she’s said before. Try something like, “Oh, I checked out that band you mentioned. Their new EP is... surprising! Have you listened to it yet?”

2

Respond to a girl after 10-15 minutes to play it cool.

Wait 10-15 minutes to show her you’ve got an exciting life of your own. If you respond immediately, she might think you’re waiting by your phone for her to text.^{[3]
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Research source} When you see that next notification light up your screen, take a deep breath and step away from the phone. Put your phone on silent or “do not disturb” mode. Then, go for a walk, grab a snack, or put on your favorite playlist.
- Once you feel really calm, go ahead and send her a reply. That confident energy will come through. You’ve got this!^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- If you want to come across as super chill, use more statements than questions when you reply, and send messages that tell her something interesting about you.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- For instance, if she talks about going on a skiing trip, instead of saying, “How’d it go?” say something like, “I love skiing. I went skiing for three months in Colorado and then hurt myself, so now I’m sticking to ping pong instead. LOL”^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

3

Answer within 1-3 hours to be polite.

Waiting over 3 hours to reply is the texting version of awkward silence. You know that feeling when you say something and the other person takes just a bit too long to respond? We all know that’s not fun. Conversations have a natural momentum and natural rhythm when two people like each other.^{[7]
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Research source} When you respond within a couple of hours, you prevent the conversation from totally going stale. If you leave a girl hanging for more than a few hours, it sends a signal that you’re not interested.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}
- Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t text back if you wait more than 3 hours to respond.
- If you aren’t interested, be kind and let her know. Send a message like, “I think you’re super cool, but I’m not looking for anything right now.”^{[9]
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  Research source}

4

Answer as soon as you’re able to if you’re really interested.

Be upfront and bold if you want to schedule a date. Text her back immediately to send her the message that you’re super into her.^{[10]
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Research source} When you’re sensing positive vibes in the conversation, don’t feel like you have to follow rules or play games. Respond in a way that feels natural and reflects how you feel about her.
- Playfulness, lots of compliments, and longer messages are good signs that she’s flirting with you.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- If you’re feeling moving the conversation from texting to IRL, ask her out! Keep it simple, and say something like, “Do you want to hang out sometime? Would dinner this weekend work?”
- Respond right away if she sends you an invite or a question about a date you have planned.

5

Follow up 24 hours after a first date.

In modern dating, the 24-hour rule has replaced the 3-day rule. Instead of waiting the traditional 3 days to text a girl after a date, send a simple “thank you” text the next day. You can still wait 1-2 days to ask her on a second date, but you want to quickly acknowledge that you enjoyed her company.^{[12]
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Research source}
- Want to really impress her? Show her you’re looking out for her by sending a text right after the date that says, “Thanks for such a fun night. Did you get home safely?”
- Mention a highlight or fun shared memory from the date. You could say something like, “I had such a great time Friday! Still laughing about the wild conversation we overheard!”
- You could also try a classic message like, “Thanks for an awesome night. We should do this again sometime.”

6

Reply within 1 hour if you’ve been dating for a while.

Communication is essential in the early stages of a relationship. When a girl you’re dating texts you, respond quickly so that she doesn’t feel hurt or ignored.^{[13]
X
Trustworthy Source
Association for Psychological Science
Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences
Go to source} It’s normal to get busy during the day, but, as a general rule, try to respond within 1 hour to check-in type texts like “How’s your day going?”
- If texting gets to be too much, let her know. Say something like, “I love talking to you, but I’m less of a texter. Could I give you a call after work, instead?”
- Respond immediately to time-sensitive texts from a girl you’re dating. If she needs to know what time you’ll be meeting up later, or which restaurant you’re going to, you don’t want to leave her waiting.

7

Mirror her response time for a tried-and-true strategy.

Dating and flirting are all about matching effort and energy levels.^{[14]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.} If she’s sending you lightning-fast responses, that’s a great sign she’s into you. Try sending quicker replies to show her you’re on the same page. But if she tends to wait 20-30 minutes to respond, don’t stress about getting back to her right away.
- If you get nervous while texting her, try to imagine you’re just texting a friend.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

8

Let her know if you’ll be too busy to respond for a while.

Send a quick heads up if you want to keep talking but have to go. We all get busy, and it's normal if you can't respond immediately! Give her a solid reason and be honest about why you can’t reply right away, so you don’t seem like you’re avoiding her. Then, let her know that you want to continue the conversation later.^{[16]
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Research source}
- “Ugh! I want to keep talking to you, but I’m getting up really early for practice tomorrow. Talk tomorrow? :)”
- “I can’t wait to continue this convo. I’m going out with friends, but we’ll catch up later?”
- “Just got to work, so I’m going to have to put my phone away. I’ll text you after my shift!”

9

Wait until she texts again if she sent an “I’m busy” text.

Give her time before you follow up if she says she’ll text you later. Giving her space can make you seem even more attractive, since it shows her that you’re confident and you’ve got your own busy schedule. Plus, when you hold off on sending messages when she tells you she’s busy, it lets her know you respect her time and respect her boundaries.^{[17]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- If you’ve just started seeing each other, give her 1-2 days to follow up with you.^{[18]
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  Research source}
- If you know each other well, try texting her the next day with a message like, “Hey! How was your dinner last night?”

10

Reply with one message at a time.

Try not to double text, so she won’t feel overwhelmed. It’s so tempting to send follow-up texts when you’re trying to keep a conversation going, but give her time to ask you questions and flirt back. However, you can break the no-double-text rule if she’s a double texter. Then, it’s okay to send multiple messages if you two are in the middle of a fun back-and-forth.^{[19]
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Research source}

11

Move on if she often takes a long time to reply or ghosts you.

Ghosting shows a lack of interest, and it’s just plain rude. Even though it’s tough to find out that someone else might not be interested in you, keep in mind that ghosting says more about the other person than it does about you. You can find someone else who’ll put in the energy to reply to your texts!^{[20]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}