This article was co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.
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Being attractive comes more from your personality than from your appearance, and demonstrating an attractive personality is key to making friends and having lasting relationships. To have an attractive personality, cultivate the ability to communicate naturally, develop a sense of humor, and build a confident disposition. These traits give you the ability to inspire and fascinate others, making others more drawn to you as a result.
Steps
Communication
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1Listen to others. Listening is a trait that is often forgotten about in today's society. Instead of responding to a text, opening an email, or thinking about your next meal, pay attention to what the other person is saying. Show them you're listening and interested by commenting on the story or asking questions.[1]
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2Speak sincerely. No one likes to be duped. Tell people the truth. If you can't commit to something, it's better to be honest about it than to have to tell them last minute that you can't make it. When people ask for your opinion, you should be honest.
- There is a difference between honest and rude opinions. For instance, if you don't like your friend's shirt and they ask you about it, respond with, “I really like you in blue instead,” rather than, “I hate it, it's ugly.”
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3Know “how” vs “what.” How you say things is arguably more important than what you say. If you try to give someone a genuine compliment, but they think you say it with a sarcastic undertone, your compliment won't mean a thing. Be aware of the way you speak. If you notice that people often take things you say the wrong way, there's a good chance you can change how you speak. Ask your friends to make you aware of the way you're coming across.
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4Help others communicate. Get a bunch of people together for a fun get together. It can be as simple as a gathering at the park, or as extravagant as an elegant dinner party. Either way, it shows them that you care and want to spread friendship.
Humor
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1Laugh at yourself. If you do something silly, laugh at yourself instead of feeling embarrassed. It shows that you're comfortable in your skin. A sense of humor makes someone more engaging and delightful to be with.
- Remember that there is a time and place for humor. It is a great ice-breaker or stress reliever, but don't ruin a serious conversation with inappropriate jokes.
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2Show enthusiasm for everything. Even if something makes you slightly uncomfortable, attack it with a smile on your face, an open mind, and a sense of humor. Not every day is going to be perfect, but being enthusiastic can help you accomplish anything. When you act this way, people will love being around you.
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3Make laughing a priority. Laughing at yourself isn't quite enough if you want the most attractive personality. If you see value in making others laugh and keep laughter higher on your priority list, you'll be a happier person.[2]
- A great way to remind you to laugh more (and to share it with others) is to have daily jokes on your phone or email. Set them for a time of day when you notice yourself start to feel drained.
Confidence
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1Have confidence in how you speak and act. You should always say what you believe in, be willing to take risks, and have the ability to admit your mistake without being worried about what other people will think. Doing this shows that you have self-confidence.[3] This helps create an attractive personality because it shows that you're comfortable with yourself and that makes others comfortable around you.[4]
- Asking questions is important when it comes to confidence. The more you know, the more comfortable you'll feel when speaking about things. Never be afraid to ask questions.
- Avoid comparing yourself with other people as well to help get rid of self-doubt.[5]
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2Have confidence in your body. Dressing appropriately and having good posture show confidence. You don't have to have the “perfect body” to be confident in it. People will be more attracted to you if you dress well, respect yourself, and carry yourself well.
- If you need a little boost, place post-it's around your mirror that remind you of the parts of your body that you love. Focus on these rather than the things that you're self-conscious about.[6]
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3Know the difference between confidence and cockiness. While confidence is endearing, cockiness is very unappetizing. People will turn away from your personality if you're all about yourself. A great way to avoid this is to remind yourself to compliment others. Every day, find 5 people to give compliments to. They can be strangers, co-workers, or friends. Either way, this will help you stay grounded.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat are some attractive personality traits?
Eddy BallerEddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
Dating CoachShow genuine interest in the other person by listening to them with your full attention when they're speaking.
References
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/29/good-sense-of-humor_n_5731418.html
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html
- ↑ Kirsten Parker, MFA. Mindset & Action Coach. Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/boost-body-confidence
About This Article
To have an attractive personality, start by not only being honest when you talk, but also being an active listener and asking questions. Next, to make laughing a priority in your life, try to find time to laugh with your friends, look up some jokes on your phone, or even try to laugh at yourself when something goes wrong! Finally, find ways make sure you’re not being too self-centered, like giving at least 5 people compliments throughout the day. For tips on how to sound as sincere as you can, read on!
