How to Hang Out with Your Boyfriend with Strict Parents

Co-authored by Gera Anderson, PsyD and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: July 22, 2022 References

If your parents have a lot of rules, it can be really hard to date. Luckily, there are ways to keep your parents happy and keep dating. We’ll share some tips about how to hang out with your boyfriend if you have strict parents. Read on so you can get creative and connect with your favorite guy.

1

Say you’re hanging out with friends.

Make your parents think you care more about your social life than dating. Tell them about your packed schedule with all your buddies. For example, if you plan to go bowling with your boyfriend, just say it’s a group activity. Have your friends pick you up where your parents can see them. Your parents will think your story checks out. You can just meet up with your boyfriend later.^{[1]
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- It’s easiest to tell most of the truth. If you say you’ll be with your friends, plan to spend part of the day with them. That way, you'll look relaxed when you explain yourself to your parents.^{[2]
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- If you want to wear a fun outfit when you meet your boyfriend, keep it in a bag or backpack. Leave your house in an everyday look, like one you’d wear at school, so your parents don’t think you’re out on a date.^{[3]
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2

Claim you’re studying.

Impress your parents with how responsible you are. Remind them how much homework you get, and tell them that it’s impossible to tackle on your own. Say that you’ve signed up for as many study groups as you could. Make sure that you really do keep on top of your studies even when you go on dates. When you come home with great grades, your parents will approve of your choices.^{[4]
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- You can share how many hours you have to spend on homework to make a super strong case. For instance, you can say, “I get assigned 15 to 20 hours of homework a week!”^{[5]
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- You can also be honest and talk about how tiring homework is. You can tell them, “It’s hard to do all these assignments on my own, and it feels more motivating to be with other people.”
- You can even set a goal to do your homework with your boyfriend, and then relax together. Both of your parents will love that you take school seriously.

3

Change your boyfriend’s name on your phone.

Your parents will never worry about you if it’s just a friend calling. Rename your boyfriend in your contact list. Keep any romantic emojis like hearts (💕) or fire (🔥) off his name, too. You can just swap out his name with a best friend’s. For example, if you always talk about a bestie called “Taylor,” you can call your boyfriend that. Your parents will just think you’re really close with your buddies.^{[6]
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- It’s totally possible to have two contacts with the exact same name. Leave off any clues, like “Taylor 2.” If your parents see that, they might wonder what’s up.

4

Keep pictures of your boyfriend off social media.

Your parents will think you’re single. Post pictures of fun activities with your friends, inspirational quotes, or thoughts about your future. Make sure there isn’t any evidence of you cuddling up to your boyfriend, and check that you aren’t tagged with him in other photos. If your social media doesn’t have any hints of romance, your parents will think that dates aren’t on your radar at all.^{[7]
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- You and your boyfriend also get a lot of privacy if you don’t post a bunch of pics. You’ll be able to enjoy your relationship and keep your life more drama-free.

5

Chat about subjects other than your boyfriend.

Distract your parents from learning about your relationship. Bring up random topics at different times of the day. For example, you can talk about trivia from your history class while you eat breakfast. Then, you can talk to your parents about your hopes and dreams during dinner. Since they’re already curious about you, they’ll appreciate learning so much about you.^{[8]
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- In the morning, you can say something like, “I never knew I’d love World History so much! I learned this about the spice trade…”
- During dinner, you can share what you want for your future. For example, you can say, “I think I really want a double major in Foreign Language and Economics one day!”
- Studies suggest you’ll increase your social skills and boost your self-esteem if you talk to your parents regularly.^{[9]
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6

Go places where you won’t run into family friends.

Visit spots they don’t know to keep your relationship stress-free. Check out settings that your parents or their friends wouldn’t think to go to. For example, maybe there’s a local rec center, an arcade, or a skating park where teens hang out. If you stick to settings that adults aren’t really interested in, then they won’t see you and your boyfriend.^{[10]
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- School is also a great place to hang out with your boyfriend because you can have lots of fun talks during your breaks.
- When your parents are at work, you can also hang out with your S.O. and mutual friends at one of your houses.
- You can also join extracurriculars with your boyfriend. For example, you both can sign up for the drama club and spend a ton of time together at rehearsals.

7

Be affectionate with your boyfriend in private.

Cozy up with him when it’s just you two to keep everything special. Skip the PDA on social media or out in public places. You’ll make sure neither of you have to deal with comments from your parents, peers, or family friends. You can always give your S.O. lots of hugs and kisses when you get some time to yourselves.^{[11]
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- If your parents and friends can’t judge your relationship, then you’ll both be able to focus on each other.
- When you’re alone with him, give his hand a squeeze and tell him you’re glad to see him again.
- You can even tell him something like, “It feels really special when I get to sneak a kiss since no one’s watching!”

8

Ask your parents about their opinions about dating.

Learn about their values so you can understand your parents. You can ask them if they were able to date at your age. You can even see if they think times have changed. See if they’d ever let you have a relationship. If they say they wouldn’t, let them explain their point of view. They’ll love that you’re a good listener, and they might wonder if they can be less strict.^{[12]
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- You can start a discussion with something like, “Were you ever able to date when you were my age? Did you want to?”
- Bring up how your generation is a little different from your parents. For example, you can say, “It seems totally normal for people my age to hang out after school. What do you think about that?”
- You can even learn about their idea of consequences. For instance, you can ask, “What would happen if I did get a boyfriend?”

9

Discuss your life balance with your parents.

Reassure them that you can handle your responsibilities. List all of your priorities, then share all the ways you manage your time. Let them see your grades, social calendar, and sleep schedule. If you show your parents that you’re really driven, you’ll prove that you can manage a relationship on top of everything else.^{[13]
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- If you've taken on some responsibility outside the home (like in the community or at school), use this to demonstrate that you're capable of handling additional freedom.
- If you’ve arranged some study groups that you take seriously, tell your parents that. Explain that you have a support network of peers that are just as ambitious as you are.
- Share that health really matters to you. When they know you will take care of your body and your mind, your parents will feel relieved. They’ll also respect that you’ll make good decisions.
- Remind your parents that social connections are really important and that you just want an S.O. that has your back.

10

Volunteer with your boyfriend.

Tell your parents you’re out with him in a public place for a good cause. Bond with them and open up about your biggest passions. For example, maybe you’re really motivated to clean up a beach or serve food at a soup kitchen. Your parents will love to hear about your helpfulness. When you go out, invite your boyfriend to volunteer with you. It’ll be really romantic to be a team, and you’ll definitely make a difference.^{[14]
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- You can just tell your parents that he’s a volunteer buddy instead of your boyfriend.
- Share all the benefits of community service with your parents. For example, you can say, “Not only will it make me feel really confident, but I’ll make friends and get some work experience.”^{[15]
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- Remind your parents that you’ll also pick up a lot of “community service hours,” which will look great on college applications and resumes.

11

Bring up how supportive your boyfriend is.

Share all his good qualities so your parents can warm up to him. If there’s a cute story about how you met, tell them about it. For example, maybe he tutored you for your math class, and then you got a serious soft spot for him. Go on and explain all the ways he makes your life easier. When your parents learn he’s a positive influence, they’re a lot more likely to accept him.^{[16]
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- Point out how your S.O. helps you reach your goals. You can say something like, “I’ve scored an ‘A’ on every Calculus test since we’ve dated!”
- Talk about how your boyfriend appreciates who you are. For example, you can say, “He loves all my artwork and thinks I should submit my portfolio to that college we talked about!”
- Praise his personality, too. For instance, you can share, “He’s so kind. He won a ‘Good Citizenship’ award at school!”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you talk with an overprotective parent?

Gera Anderson, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Gera Anderson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with more than five years of experience. She specializes in integrated behavioral health, neuropsychological assessment, and pain management, and has worked in community mental health settings, correctional facilities, psychiatric hospitals, and schools. Dr. Anderson received an MEd from The University of Minnesota, Twin Cities and a PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.

Gera Anderson, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Have a conversation with your parents to understand their point of view. Give them concrete examples of how you feel they're being "overprotective" and why you feel that way. Then, ask them if there are some ways that you can prove your responsibility and capability—this may mean that you get some small privilege or that you get to make a decision on your own.