How to Handle Boys when You're a Teenage Girl

Co-authored by Crista Beck and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: October 24, 2022 References

Understanding the opposite sex is hard for everyone, but it can feel especially difficult if you’re a teenage girl. Boys can be difficult to understand, making relationships with them a minefield. Whether it’s your crush or your best guy friend, life would be so much easier if you could figure out how to deal with the guy in your life. Fortunately, there are several methods you can use to handle boys.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Communicating With Boys

1
Embrace communication differences. Many girls develop communication skills faster than some boys, so it's normal to communicate differently. Often girls are able to think more abstractly than boys, which means that they are more likely to connect thoughts better and provide more details. Because of this, some boys may provide short, direct answers and respond less to questions and comments from you.^{[1]
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- Don’t assume a boy is upset or doesn't want to talk just because his responses are short. Ask for more details and see if he continues to respond or prolong the conversation. If he doesn't want to talk, he'll continue to give responses that don't go anywhere.
2
Connect through the internet. Boys are more likely to want to hang out online than girls do, so reach out through social media.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source}
- Follow him on social media. Use these apps to chat with him.
- He may see your digital hangouts as being the same as hanging out in person.
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3
Don’t stress if he doesn’t text a lot. Girls are usually more concerned about texting with their friends often than boys are. Even when boys do text their friends, they don’t usually text as much as girls.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source}
4
Avoid reading between the lines. Take his words at face value. While it’s tempting to try to figure out what a text “might mean,” teenage boys are usually direct about what they mean.
- If you want to know what something means, ask a follow-up question.
5
Say what you want. While it’s tempting to try to hint at what you want from a boy, he is unlikely to realize what you’re really wanting from a hint. Because he’s used to being direct, he’ll assume that you are as well.
- For example, if a boy is going to the smoothie shop and you’re hoping he’ll bring you one, don’t text him, “I’m totally craving a smoothie right now.” He will not get the hint. Instead, text, “I’d really like it if you got me one, too.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Figuring Out If a Boy Likes You

1
Watch his body language. You can learn a lot about a person through their body language, including if they like you. If a boy likes you, his body will give him away. Whenever you’re together, see if you can pick up on some of these cues.^{[4]
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- His nostrils will flare.
- His eyebrows will rise when he talks to you.
- He will run his hand through his hair or smooth down the top.
- He’ll get closer to you.
- He’ll casually touch you.
2
Look at his texting habits. His texting habits can tell you a lot. See who initiates your texting exchanges to see if it’s always you or more of a balance. If he likes you, then he’ll sometimes initiate conversations, and he won’t be afraid to double text.^{[5]
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Research source} He’ll also make it a habit of keeping the conversation going by asking questions.^{[6]
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- Ask yourself if he shows an interest in your life.
- Wait to give him a chance to initiate texting if you've been doing it several days in a row.
3
See if he pays attention to you more than his phone. Next time you spend time together, watch him to see if he focuses on you or the phone. If he chooses talking with you more often than playing with his phone, then he may like you.^{[7]
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4
Create an excuse to talk to him. Find a subject that he knows about and see if you can get him to help you with it, or offer to help him with something you know he struggles with. It will usually give you a chance to hang out with him one-on-one.^{[8]
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- If he complains about his score on the math test, say, “Why don't you meet me at the coffee shop, and I'll show you how to factor equations.”
- Offer to be his lab partner in science class.
- Think of a sport you both like. For example, say, “Wow, you’re so great at tennis! Can you show me how you do your serve?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Getting a Boy to Back Off

1
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. You are only responsible for your feelings, not the boy’s. If you aren’t interested in doing something, even when you like the boy, don’t do it. He may try to pressure you or tell you why you’re being unfair, but your wants are what’s important.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- A boy who really cares about you won’t pressure you to do something you don’t want to, so don’t be afraid to lose a guy you like. If he can’t take “no” for an answer, then he isn’t good for you.
- Ultimately, you need to both understand and communicate your boundaries.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
2
Tell him how you feel. If you want to turn a guy down, let him know that you just aren’t interested. You don’t need an excuse or reason. Be direct and firm, then change the subject. If he brings it up again, say, “I told you I’m not interested, so don’t keep asking.”^{[12]
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- Tell him, “That isn’t something that I’m interested in right now,” or “I just want to be friends. I hope you understand.”
- Don’t use another guy as an excuse. As tempting as it is to say, “I have a boyfriend,” that will make him think that he might have a chance if you were single. Plus, it takes away your power to say no just because it’s what you want.
- Don’t worry about hurting his feelings or being “nice.”
3
Get your friends to support you. Tell your friends about the boy’s crush on you and that you aren’t interested. Your friends can help you avoid awkward encounters and unwanted advances.^{[13]
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4
Know that it’s okay to change your mind. If you start to feel uncomfortable with a boy, it’s okay to tell him to stop, even if it’s not the first time you’ve done something with him. For example, if you’ve been kissing a friend you kind of like, that doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.^{[14]
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- If you do something with a boy that you regret, you can still say “no” the next time.
5
Remove yourself from the situation. If a guy is pestering you, walk away and try to find someone you can rely on as a buffer, like a friend or authority figure.^{[15]
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6
Consider ending the friendship. Sometimes the boy you want to back off is a friend. If he doesn’t respect your decision and keeps trying to initiate a relationship, then you may have to cut ties with him. While you don’t want to lose him, he’s not being a good friend to you. Additionally, he may believe that your continued friendship is a sign that you might actually like him.^{[16]
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- Distance yourself from him by saying “no” to spending one-on-one time with him. If you must cross paths with him, talk to your other friends about acting as a buffer.
- If he asks you to hang out, say, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to spend time together anymore.”

Warnings

A boy might get angry with you if you don’t give him what he wants, but don’t do something you don’t want to. If he scares you, talk to an adult or trusted friends.

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