How to Get over a Middle School Breakup

Co-authored by Amy Chan

Last Updated: December 21, 2022 References

Middle school life is full of change. As people grow and mature, they stop hanging out with certain friends and move on to meet other people and have new experiences. Because of this, relationships that started out happy and that you were sure would last forever often come to a painful end. Breakups are definitely not easy to get over, but you can get over yours by being calm and mature, knowing what to do when you see your ex, and taking some time to heal.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Responding Immediately after a Breakup

1
Be kind and calm when speaking to each other. Right after your breakup, both you and your ex will be experiencing heightened emotions. When people get worked up and emotional, they tend to overreact and say things they do not mean. Try to remember that you are in an emotional place and choose your words and actions carefully.^{[1]
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2
Put some distance between the two of you so that you both can adjust. During your relationship, especially if it lasted for a long time, you and your ex likely formed habits of doing many things together or talking to each other all the time. To make it easier to adjust to a new life with a different daily routine, you need to put some space between you. In the days immediately following the breakup, resist the urge to go to the places you know they’ll be or to call or text them.^{[2]
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3
Talk about whether or not you both still want to be friends. The best way to keep things civil between you and your ex—even to become friends afterward—is to have an open and honest conversation about what you both want your interactions to look like, going forward. If you want to remain friends, tell them. If you don’t, that’s okay, too—but you need to be clear about that.^{[3]
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- For example, do you have a project coming due at school that you were working on together? You can discuss how it will be awkward at first, but you can push through it. Or, if you don’t think you can, agree to ask the teacher for new partners.
- Neither of you should have to give up friends because of the breakup. Talk with your ex about how it might be weird at first to hang out together with your friends, but over time, it will become easier.
4
Accept your ex’s wishes, even if you think you can convince them otherwise. If your ex wants to end the relationship and you don’t, or if they don’t think you can remain friends but you do, you have to respect their wishes. You shouldn’t try to force them into a friendship they do not want.^{[4]
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- Your ex needs to respect your wishes as well. Don’t feel guilted or pressured into a post-breakup situation that makes you uncomfortable.
5
Keep the breakup private, especially from social media. The best thing to do right after a breakup is to take a social media break. You may see posts or pictures of your ex that hurt your feelings and make things worse. Or all of those emotions may cause you to post things you will regret later. To prevent airing your private issues or posting things you wish you could take back, stay off all social media for a few days—even a few weeks if needed—until you have calmed down and begun to heal.^{[5]
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- Never post private information or pictures of your ex on social media with the intent of hurting them. You may think that lashing out at them publicly will feel good or that “they deserve it,” but in the end, it won’t feel very good to do it and you’ll wish you hadn’t.
6
Change any passwords of yours that your ex knows. When you are in a relationship, you believe that it will last forever. So, you share things like email or social media passwords with them. The problem is that if your ex is upset or angry after the breakup and they can access your accounts, they might cause you a lot of embarrassment or trouble by posting as you or posting private stuff. Change the passwords immediately to something your ex can’t guess.^{[6]
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Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
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- It’s best to not share passwords with your partner when you are in a relationship. If you maintain your own privacy and set some boundaries during the relationship, it’s much easier to deal with a breakup, if it happens.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Seeing Your Ex around School

1
Use the buddy system to avoid awkward conversations. If the breakup is really new, you are probably dreading seeing your ex at school. To make it a little easier and less awkward, try to be with a friend or group of friends in places that you know you might run into your ex.^{[7]
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- For example, if you know you always run into them in the hall between 3rd and 4th periods or you share the same lunch period, try to make sure you are talking with and surrounded by friends during that time.
2
Keep moving when you run into each other. When you do run into your ex at school, you don’t want to be rude or mean, but you also don’t need to stop what you are doing to have a chat with them. To protect yourself from hurt feelings or awkward conversation with your ex, you can just say hello or smile at them as you pass by—and then keep walking.^{[8]
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- If your ex has been mean to you or the breakup has been super awkward, just avoid eye contact and keep moving. You don’t have to say hello or be pleasant unless you want to.
3
Take the high road and be kind, even if they do not do the same. If your ex is being rude to you or making you feel uncomfortable, resist the urge to retaliate with the same behavior. It’s better to meet their mean behavior with maturity and kindness. This way, you’ll feel better about being the bigger person and won’t regret doing or saying anything out of anger.^{[9]
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StopBullying.gov
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- To take the high road, you can respond to their meanness by calmly telling them to stop, laughing it off, or just saying nothing and walking away. Often when people bully someone, it’s because they are trying to get a reaction out of them. If you give them no reaction, it reduces their desire to keep being mean.
4
Discuss problems with teachers or school counselors. If you and your ex are together in the cafeteria or a class group and you feel it is just too much interaction, talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. Be open and honest about your feelings and ask them if there is anything they can do to change things up and make it easier. Chances are, they remember their own breakups when they were your age and they will be happy to help as much as they can.^{[10]
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StopBullying.gov
Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Overcoming the Sadness of a Breakup

1
Take as much time as you need to grieve the loss of your relationship. Don’t feel the need to rush through the healing and pretend to be happy right away. It can take time—a few days or a few weeks—until you feel better.^{[11]
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- If it has been a few weeks and you feel like you aren’t making any progress, talk to a trusted friend or responsible adult about getting help dealing with your feelings.
2
Cry if you feel that you need to. Crying can really help you release negative feelings and feel better. Depending on your personality and preference, you can cry on the shoulder of a friend or parent, or you can find a space to cry in private. Either way, know there is no shame in crying over an ended relationship.
- Sometimes crying can catch you off guard. In the days following the relationship, you may see or think about something that triggers an emotional response and brings tears to your eyes. That’s totally normal and it’s best to just let it out.
- Some examples of spaces to cry privately are in the shower, in your bedroom, or outdoors somewhere you can be by yourself.
3
Talk to someone about your feelings. Talking about your feelings can be a great help in processing them. Sometimes we feel things we don’t understand until we try to explain it to others. Reach out to someone you trust and ask them if you can sit down and talk about the sadness you’ve been feeling.^{[12]
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- It’s a great help to talk to someone who has been through a breakup before. Just knowing that someone else has felt what you feel can be very comforting.
4
Express your feelings in writing. If you don’t want to talk to anyone or don’t have anyone to confide in, write your feelings down somewhere private. For some people, it helps to journal their feelings or write poetry or song lyrics that express the sadness they feel. Writing it down and getting it all out can really help you move past the pain and heal.^{[13]
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- Protect your privacy if you are writing down very personal thoughts. Use a journal that you keep hidden or save your thoughts in a password-protected folder on your computer.
5
Change your routine to distract you from the breakup. To avoid thinking about the breakup all the time, find something to distract yourself. Take up a new hobby, volunteer in your community, read a new book, or catch up on a favorite, upbeat TV series.^{[14]
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- Whatever you do, be careful that is not something that will constantly remind you of your ex. For example, if your ex loved to skateboard, it’s not the best time to learn to skateboard. Instead, look for something to change up your routine that is uniquely suited to your personality.
6
Get a new look to boost your self-confidence. If you are feeling down about yourself after your break-up, do something to change up your appearance and make you feel great. Get a haircut, mani-pedi, or just a new outfit that makes you feel amazing.^{[15]
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- Don’t change your look to try to torture or tempt your ex. Do it for yourself as part of your healing process.
7
Do activities that make you feel good physically and mentally. Practicing self-care after a breakup is really important. While it’s totally valid to want to eat bad foods, watch sad movies, and lay around on the couch for a while, try not to dwell in that state. Instead, make some changes in your habits that will make you feel better—eat healthy foods, get some exercise, or try something new and exciting that makes you feel good about yourself.^{[16]
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- Look for activities where you can make new friends. For example, you could join a theater or martial arts class or whatever interests you. Anything that gets you off the couch and motivates you will work.
8
Remember that the pain will eventually go away. When we lose something, it feels as though the pain will never go away. Sometimes we can’t even remember a time when the pain wasn’t there. It’s important to know that this is a natural feeling and that the pain, with time, will eventually let up. Try not to despair and be patient with yourself as you heal.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Dealing with an Abusive Ex

1
Report bullying or abusive behaviors to your parents or teachers. Name-calling, gossip, stalking, harassment, blackmail or physical abuse is unacceptable behavior. If your ex does anything that makes you feel threatened or harassed, it’s important to report it to a trusted and responsible adult. Ignoring abusive behavior could put you in harm’s way later.^{[17]
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- If you are unsure if a behavior is threatening or harassing, seek advice from an adult or a close friend. Sometimes little things escalate into bigger things and an outsider perspective can help you understand what’s happening more clearly.
- If your ex threatens to share private information or pictures that you do not want to get out, report it immediately to an adult that you trust. If you are too embarrassed or afraid to go to your parents, talk to an aunt or uncle or the school guidance counselor.^{[18]
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- Know that if you blackmail your ex or share any private texts or pictures, you could get into serious trouble. These behaviors are crimes that carry severe punishment.^{[19]
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2
Block your ex’s number if they harass you via phone calls or texts. Sometimes when people are hurt and not getting a response, they keep texting, calling, or sending DMs because they think you will respond eventually. If your ex won’t stop messaging you, block them and try to forget about it.^{[20]
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Trustworthy Source
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
Go to source}
3
Travel in groups to avoid any situations where you might be alone. If your ex has been harassing you and you are afraid to run into them alone somewhere, ask friends to join you. For example, you could invite friends to your house after school to avoid being alone on the bus or your walk home.
4
Tell an adult immediately if your ex threatens to hurt you or themselves. Sometimes after a breakup, one of the people involved will threaten to hurt themselves or hurt the other person. This may be a form of manipulation and harassment or a cry for help when the other person cannot deal with their feelings. It’s best to take them seriously and report their threats immediately to an adult or the police.^{[21]
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- You can also contact the a suicide prevention hotline, such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you're in the United States, which can be reached by calling or texting 988. You can also visit their website at https://988lifeline.org/.
5
Save any proof of harassment, such as texts or DMs. If your ex has been sending hateful or harassing messages through text or DM, don’t delete them. It’s a good idea to screenshot them and save them to a folder on your phone or computer. Later, if you report the harassment and want the police or other authority figures to act, you will need the proof of what has been happening.^{[22]
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Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I get over a broken heart?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach and the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just five years of operation, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. She has published a book on her work, Breakup Bootcamp.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try making journaling part of your morning ritual. If you have a morning routine, you can be intentional on how you start your day, and you can set your own mood before you look at your phone or deal with the outside world. For instance, each morning you can write down one intention for the day in a journal. When you write, use terms like, 'I can' or 'I will,' rather than 'I should.'
Question

What if my ex knows my locker combination?

Community Answer

Talk to the administration office about getting it changed, and be sure not to give it out to anyone in the future.

Warnings

If the sadness feels so deep you can’t cope or if you have any suicidal thoughts at all, talk to a responsible adult—like a parent, aunt or uncle, or counselor. You can also contact a suicide prevention hotline such as the 988 National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you're in the United States, which can be reached by calling or texting 988. You can also visit their website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

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