How to Deal With Going to a Different School Than Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Last Updated: June 6, 2021

When your boyfriend or girlfriend decides to go to a different college than you, it can be very difficult to cope with the idea of suddenly having a long distance relationship. If you are still in high school, and are dating someone from a different school or city, it can be hard to have the same kinds of relationships as your friends who choose to date people at the same school. To maintain a relationship, you have to have a positive attitude, support one another, communicate regularly, and visit each other when you can on weekends and breaks. It is also important to develop your new social networks so that being distant from your significant other isn't such a bad thing.

Method 1

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Communicating Effectively

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Communicate regularly with your significant other.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If you aren't seeing each other everyday, you will need to develop ways to talk to each other and interact. ^{[2]
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- Share your ideas and emotions with your boyfriend or girlfriend, even if they seem minor. It's hard to read emotions into a phone or online conversation.
- Talk about your experiences openly and honestly.
- Ask about your partner's day and share what happened with yours.
- Discuss weekend plans and set aside times to talk and/or visit each other.
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Use technology to your advantage. With all of the ways to communicate through technology, long distance relationships can really thrive. ^{[3]
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- Programs like Skype and Snapchat can allow you to talk to your significant other face to face over the phone or computer.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ are great social media tools to keep in touch and to get involved in similar interests and activities.
- Text and email nearly everyday. Even if it is just a quick message, it lets your partner know you are thinking about them.
- Return any calls or messages as quickly as you can.
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Make your interactions special. Don't take the other person for granted and try to be creative when you communicate. ^{[5]
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- Don't forget that even if you live far apart, you can still treat Skype chats or phone conversations like dates. Dress up when you face chat and make your dorm room or apartment look nice, for example.
- Do some of the same activities, that way when you talk you can discuss a movie you both saw, or a sport you both play.
- Make use of regular snail mail. Sending a postcard, a letter, or even a small care package with your partner's favorite snacks or items can spice things up and add variety to the way you communicate long distance.
- Doing these things can also help your partner feel appreciated.
4
Get involved in the same activities outside of school. This can be particularly helpful if you are dating someone from another high school.
- Many communities have activities such as social events, classes, sports, and volunteer opportunities for teens.
- Getting involved in the same activities is a way you can see each other often and get interested in something together.
- This is also a good way to connect with your boyfriend or girlfriend's friends. Getting to know their social group will be a good way for you to maintain a relationship outside of going to school together.
- You can also invite your significant other to events at your high school, such as dances, plays, sporting events, etc. You should also attend events at your partner's high school.
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Visit as often as you can. Even though there are many ways to communicate outside of seeing each other in person, it is essential to reconnect face to face when you can.
- Weekends and holiday breaks are great times to get together. Chances are you both are already going home for a holiday break and you can plan to see each other then.
- Plan to visit the other person at their school. That's a great way to meet their new friends, see what they are getting involved with, and have fun together on the other person's home turf.
- Seeing your significant other in their own environment will help you imagine what their life is like and what experiences they are having when you talk to them.
- You can also plan to go on short weekend trips together or on spring break. While traveling can be costly, there are a number of travel agencies, such as STA travel, that offer cheaper student pricing on bus or plane tickets and hotels.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Having a Positive Attitude

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Acknowledge that it's okay to miss your partner.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Sometimes you may feel sad or lonely and that is normal. Try not to let your sadness affect your college or high school experience, though. It is essential for you to get involved with campus and school activities and to make new friends. ^{[7]
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- Don't let your schoolwork slide, even though you might feel lonely at first. Try to make friends in each of your classes.
- If you are feeling down, get together with a friend or call your partner.
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Trust your partner. If you are in a relationship with someone, you need to trust them. ^{[8]
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- This will be one of the biggest challenges of maintaining a long distance relationship when your partner goes to a different school.
- It's easy to assume your partner is out partying or cheating on you if you aren't seeing them everyday. Try not to allow negative thoughts to affect your trust in the other person.
- Know that long distance couples who stay together are statistically more likely to stay together than traditional couples. Their relationship has been tested by long distance and couples who have been in a long distance relationship are more likely to have developed strategies for working through difficult times.
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Support each other. This is especially important, as college will be a challenging new experience for both of you.
- College is a very emotional and challenging time, especially for new students.
- You and your partner are going to have new experiences. Talk frequently about what is going on with each other.
- High school is a particularly challenging phase of life involving new social situations, new experiences, and new freedoms. Communicate with your girlfriend/boyfriend about what is going on.
- Classes and new social situations can be particularly hard for new college students. Know that your partner is going through the same thing and talk about your experiences.
4
Find distractions on campus. College is about finding new passions, learning new things, and making new friends. ^{[9]
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- Join a club or social group that deals with your interests. Most colleges have societies or clubs religious groups, the arts, sports, and other hobbies.
- Get to know your roommates and classmates. You will find people with common interests and make lasting friendships.
- Dive into your schoolwork. Remember, you went to high school or college to get a diploma/degree and you will need to work hard. Take classes seriously and challenge yourself!

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I make a relationship work when we go to different schools?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try to stay connected frequently by video chatting and messaging each other frequently. Programs like Skype and Snapchat can allow you to talk to your significant other face to face over the phone or computer. Be sure you let your significant other know that you're thinking of them and appreciate them.
Question

Will our feelings fade if we don't see each other every day?

Community Answer

If your relationship is strong, they shouldn't fade. Just make sure to text your partner often, and be flirty to keep the feelings going. If your feelings do fade away, tell them and talk it out. It will be okay.
Question

We are in middle school and he is my crush. I've liked him for 3 years and he is going to a different high school. I think it's time to confess my feelings. Don't you agree?

Community Answer

Yes. During breaks or in the halls you should confront him. Guys like girls who are confident. If you prefer, calls or texting are also good ways to tell him. Make sure to keep things light, simple, and straightforward. You could also send him a love note and tell him you sent it. If he is not interested, be mature about it, and tell him you'd like to still be friends.