How to Flirt on Tinder

Co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 10, 2022 References

You’ve been swiping on Tinder all day, and you’ve gotten a few matches—great job! If you’re wondering what you should do next, you’re not alone. Engaging your Tinder match in a flirty conversation is a great way to get to know them better, and it could even lead to an IRL date. Don’t be afraid to get a little cheeky as you flirt with your Tinder matches to see if they like you too.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Opening Line

1
Stick to open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. If you ask anything that has a “yes” or “no” answer, you run the risk of a boring conversation. Instead, use your questions to let your match tell you a story.^{[1]
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- For example, instead of saying, “Do you have any pets?” try, “What’s your favorite animal?”
- Instead of “Do you like snowboarding?” try, “What do you like to do on the weekends?”
2
Take a look at the person’s profile to learn more about them. Pick out anything that seems interesting: do they have a dog? Are they out in nature a lot? Do they talk about something funny in their bio? Spend a few minutes gathering intel on the person so you don’t show up to the convo empty-handed.^{[2]
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- People tend to post pictures of things they’re interested in. Even if their bio doesn’t say much, you can peruse their photos to see what they like to do.
- Make a profile that represents your interests, lifestyle, and personality.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
- Be very clear about why you are on Tinder.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
- It will help you to attract the right people who match your goals and your vision for what you want in your life.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
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3
Ask about something they mention in their bio. This makes your opening message sound personal and like you’ve given it some thought. You can ask about movies they like, hobbies they enjoy, or a pet they own.^{[6]
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- For example, if they mention they like James Bond movies, you could say, “Which Bond movie was your fav? I love anything with Sean Connery in it, personally.”
- Or, if they’re into Disney, ask something like, “If you could date any Disney prince or princess, who would you choose?”
4
Talk about your common interests. If you swiped right on this person, there’s a good chance you have something in common. Mention that in your opening message so you have something to talk about. For example:^{[7]
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- “I love Animal Crossing! Who’s your favorite villager?”
- “I just watched Parasite too. What’d you think?”
- “I have a pug too! How old is yours?”
5
Show off your sense of humor with a one-liner. It doesn’t have to be a pickup line, but you can use a one-liner to make your match laugh. Try something like:^{[8]
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- “I’ve been trying to come up with a psychology pickup line to use, but I’m 'aFreud' I couldn’t come up with anything.”
- “Hey, I’m writing an article on the finer things in life and I was wondering if I could interview you.”
- “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
- “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should we match again?”
- “They say Tinder is a numbers game… so can I get your number?”
6
Throw out a few compliments to flatter them. If you matched with each other, it’s probably because you like each other. Tell your match that you like something about them or their profile.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- You could try something like, “It’s really cool that you like to rock climb. I’ve never met someone who does that before!”
- Or, “You look great in that first pic you posted.”

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Conversation

1
Try a “would you rather” question to have some fun. These funny situations can take your conversation to the next level. Come up with a ridiculous scenario, then ask your match what they’d rather do. For example:^{[10]
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- “Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?”
- “Would you rather get matching tattoos or matching piercings?”
- “Would you rather shave your head or shave your eyebrows?”
2
Ask a question indirectly by making an assumption about them. This is more interesting than asking a million questions, and it can lead to a fun conversation. Take another quick glance over their profile, then come up with something you think they do or enjoy. For example:^{[11]
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- “Your scarf is so colorful, you must be an art student.”
- “You visit a lot of restaurants! You must be a foodie.”
- “You sure love to hike! You’re probably in great shape.”
3
Use a silly pun to make them laugh. Puns are so bad that they’re good. If you want to make your match interested with a little play on words, try something like:^{[12]
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- “Y’know, comedy isn’t really my strong suit. My navy one is.”
- “Are you a keyboard? Because I think you’re my type.”
- “You’re sweeter than 3.14.”
4
Point out the fact that you’re flirting if you’re a little nervous. It’s charming and sweet, and it takes the edge off a more serious conversation. Keep it silly by saying something like:^{[13]
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- “Is this flirting? Are we flirting now?”
- “Is that what the kids call banter?”
5
Keep replying so your match knows you’re interested. If you leave your match on read, they’re probably going to think you don’t like talking to them. Everyone’s busy with other things, so if you can’t reply for a while, let your match know.^{[14]
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- You could say something like, “Hey, I’m gonna be pretty swamped at work this week, so sorry if it takes me a while to reply.”
- You should try to reply as often as you can if you’re enjoying the conversation. Don’t feel like you have to wait a certain amount of time before responding to their messages!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Asking Them Out

1
Ask for their phone number to take your convo off the app. If you aren’t sure they’re up for meeting you yet, test the waters by asking them for their number. Ask them if they’d be down to exchange digits so you can talk more later.^{[15]
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- Texting is pretty similar to talking on Tinder, so see if they’d like to chat on the phone or FaceTime instead.
- Try something like, “I really like talking to you. Here’s my number if you wanna text me.”
- Or, “Would you want to exchange numbers? I’m not on Tinder very often.”
2
Try a video call if you’re both social distancing. In the era of COVID-19, in-person dates may not be an option. Instead, ask your match if they’d like to FaceTime or video chat for some face-to-face contact.^{[16]
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- Say something like, “I’d love to meet up in person but that’s not really an option right now. Would you be down to FaceTime later?”
- You could also try watching a movie or TV show together through Netflix or Hulu’s “watch party” feature.
3
Use your common interests to plan a date for the easiest option. If you’re both addicted to coffee, head to a cafe. If you both love whisky, ask them to meet up at a local whisky bar. If you’re both interested in the activity, there’s a higher chance of your match saying yes.^{[17]
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- Say something like, “I heard there’s a new cafe downtown. Want to try it out with me?”
- Or, “I’d love to take you to my favorite bar. Their whisky is the best!”
4
Ask them out indirectly by seeing what their plans are later. This takes the pressure off of both of you because it’s not a direct question about a date. You can inquire about their weekend plans to stay cool and casual while gauging their response; if they’re interested, they’ll say they don’t have plans. For example:^{[18]
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- “What are you doing this weekend? I was thinking about going bowling.”
- “Got any plans next week? I kinda wanted to see the new Marvel movie.”
5
Get extra flirty by asking about fun places to go on a date. If you’ve been feeling the vibes in your messages, you can keep the flirtation going when you ask them out. Make it sound like the date is their idea by saying something like:^{[19]
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- “Do you know any good places to get Italian food?”
- “If I were to take you on your ideal date, what would that look like?”
- “I’m looking for a really romantic restaurant in the area. Any ideas?”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop being boring on tinder?

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.

Candice Mostisser

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Avoid the clichéd "dinner and a movie" first meeting, since that can seem a little boring. Try rock climbing, hiking, or go-carts for a first date they’ll never forget.
Question

How do you make a good Tinder profile?

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.

Maya Diamond, MA

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Make a profile that represents your interests, lifestyle, and personality. Be very clear about why you are on Tinder.
Question

What is the benefit of being clear about why you are on a dating site?

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.

Maya Diamond, MA

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Being clear about why you are on a dating site helps to filter the people. It helps to attract those people who match your goals and vision.