How to End a Fling over Text (12 Examples & Tips to Break Up the Polite Way)

Written by Judith Gottesman, MSW | Edited by Hunter Rising

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Friends with benefits and casual hook-ups can be a ton of fun, but there might come a time where your feelings change. Even though there’s less stress ending a fling than a long-term relationship, you can still be respectful by carefully wording your message. We'll cover the best things to write for a polite breakup text that still gets your point across!

This article is based on an interview with our matchmaker and dating coach, Judith Gottesman, MSW, founder of Soul Mates Unlimited™️ Date Coaching and Matchmaking. Check out the full interview here.

1

“I’ve had a really nice time getting to know you.”

Start on a positive note to soften the blow. Rather than putting it so bluntly, look back on something that you’ve really enjoyed about your relationship with the person. Even though it won’t make the person feel completely better, it will make ending things hurt a little less. You could text them something like:^{[1]
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- “Hey Dan, I’ve had a really fun time the past couple of months.”
- “I’ve really liked spending time together these last few weeks.”

2

“I just don’t feel our chemistry anymore.”

Say what you’re feeling directly so the person doesn’t get confused. Even though it can be tough to come out with the truth, be honest with the other person to show them respect.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} Use “I” statements to talk about how you’re feeling so you’re not shifting the blame onto the other person. Some other things you might say include:
- “We’re just not the best fit for each other.”
- “Lately, I just haven’t felt that spark and don’t think it’s going to work out.”

3

“You’re great, but I think we’re better off as friends.”

Open the possibility of being friends if you want to stay in touch. Romantic feelings sometimes fade away, so a friendship might be a better choice for the both of you. Just make sure you only say this if you really want to keep seeing and talking to the person after you end your fling.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- Another thing you could say might be, “I’d love to keep in touch and stay friends if you’re open to it.”
- You could also try something like, “I don’t want any feelings to come between our friendship.”

4

“I need to take some time to reconnect with myself.”

It’s okay if you need to take a break from dating or intimate relationships. You want to show off your best self when you’re in any type of relationship, so you’re completely fine calling it off if you aren’t feeling great about it. Take as much time as you need to figure yourself out before putting yourself back out there again. Some ways you could bring it up include:
- “I haven’t been feeling myself lately, and I need to take a break from seeing you.”
- “I think it’s important for me to be alone for a little while.”

5

“I think we’re looking for different things right now.”

Let them know if you wanted something that’s more serious or more casual. Flings are meant to be fun, but it’s okay if you or your partner aren’t ready for a committed relationship. If you recognize that you want more from your relationship or that you don’t want to be tied down to one person, let the other person know how you’re feeling. You might try something like:
- “I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”
- “I’m not sure that our relationship is going anywhere romantically.”

6

“I’m sorry if this hurts you.”

Recognize the other person’s feelings so they know you care. While there’s not a ton you can do to make the other person hurt less, mentioning that it’s a tough situation shows that you’re keeping their feelings in mind.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} You could text them something like:^{[5]
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- “I know that this is really tough to hear.”
- “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t how you wanted things to end.”

7

“I’ll value the good times that we had together.”

Ending on a positive note lets the person know you enjoyed your time. You still probably made a few lasting memories from a fling, so let the other person know about what you’ve appreciated. Even though it may still hurt the person when you end your fling, you’re still letting the person know that you liked their company and are just looking for something else.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.}
- For example, you could say, “I’m really happy we got to know each other.”
- As another example, you might try, “Thank you for always being so caring and considerate.”

8

“I wish you all the best.”

You can still hope the person does well even if you didn’t connect. While you weren’t the right match for the person, you can still care for and respect them going forward.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} End your message on a light, hopeful note like:
- “I hope you meet someone that’s right for you.”
- “There’s someone out there that’ll be lucky to meet you.”

9

“I didn’t feel comfortable with your behavior.”

If the person acted rudely, let them know so they can change. While you shouldn’t purposefully try to hurt someone’s feelings, you’re completely okay telling someone if they’re acting inappropriately. If at any point you didn’t like what they said, call out their behavior so they’re more aware of it going forward. You might try saying something like:
- “I’m not willing to stay in any type of relationship where I feel disrespected.”
- “I thought what you said the other night was really rude, so please don’t reach out.”

10

Ghost the person if they disrespect your boundaries.

You shouldn’t message someone if they make you feel unsafe. While most people agree that ghosting is disrespectful, there are some instances where it’s safer to let the conversation die. If you get texts from the other person that seem pushy or abusive, just block their number or avoid replying to get your message across.^{[8]
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11

Cut off contact completely after ending it.

Reaching out again might send mixed messages. If you really want to end your fling, take a break from texting or calling the person for a while. Get some distance from your relationship and distract yourself by doing hobbies or hanging out with other friends so you aren’t tempted to reach out to them again.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
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Go to source}
- Try to resist the urge to hook up with them after you’ve already called it off since it could be really confusing emotionally.

12

Break it off in person if you’ve been together for awhile.

You should probably end it in person if you’ve been on more than 5 dates. While you can call off a really casual relationship over text, it might seem disrespectful for more serious flings. Ask the person when they’re available to meet up so you can tell them directly.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- You could also try calling them on the phone or over a video call instead.

Warnings

Think through your decision to end things before actually sending your message so you don’t regret your choice.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}

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