How to Dump Your Boyfriend over Text

Expert advice for breaking up with your boyfriend by text

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: August 25, 2022 References

While it’s usually the most respectful to end a serious relationship in person, it’s okay to send a breakup text if you’ve only been on a few dates, have something casual, or don’t have another safe option. We know that it’s tough to go through any sort of breakup, so keep reading our list of all the things to include in your message so it’s the most mature and respectful!

1

Lead with a compliment.

Saying something nice about the person helps lessen the blow. Avoid gushing too much about your partner, or else they’ll get a lot of mixed messages. Instead, reference something about one of the dates you went on or make a vague compliment about their personality.^{[1]
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- For example, you could start your text, “Hey Adam, I really appreciated you getting me coffee at the cafe last night.”
- As another example, you could say, “Hi Zack. You seem like a fun and sensitive guy.”

2

Start the next sentence with “to be honest.”

Beginning a sentence this way breaks the news more gently. Letting him know that you’re genuine shows that you put some thought into the decision so he’s less likely to get upset. Tell him the truth, but don’t say anything harsh that will hurt his feelings.^{[2]
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- For example, the next sentence could read, “But to be honest, I’m not interested in a romantic relationship anymore.”
- As another example, you might say, “To be honest though, I’m just not feeling the spark we used to have.”

3

Mention you’re not a good fit.

Being direct with your breakup avoids sending mixed messages. Tell the guy clearly that you want to end the relationship so he doesn’t get confused. Avoid casually hinting at breaking up or sending vague messages leading up to your conversation. Even though that may seem kinder at the moment to avoid saying it, it’s better to be upfront about it.^{[3]
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- For example, you could say, “I just don’t think we’re a good match for the long-term.”
- As another example, you could try, “I haven’t felt a good connection and think it's time to move on.”

4

Give a reason if you want to tell them.

Mentioning a short reason keeps the person from questioning your decision. You can be as specific or vague as you want with your response, but don’t feel like you need to tell him everything. It’s okay to just let him know you weren’t feeling anything without going into more detail.^{[4]
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- For example, you could say, “It doesn’t feel like we’re compatible, so this relationship just isn’t working.”
- As another example, you might say, “I’ve noticed we’ve argued more and more lately, and I don’t want that in a relationship.”

5

Use “I” statements.

Focus on how you’re feeling rather than shifting the blame on your partner. Avoid telling the guy about all of his flaws since it’s only going to hurt him more. Instead, focus the message on how you’re feeling and what you want to do. You’re the one breaking up with him, so take responsibility for your feelings.^{[5]
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- For example, instead of saying, “You go out and party with your friends too much,” you could say, “I feel left out and alone when I’m not invited out.”
- As another example, you should say, “I feel like we’re having trouble talking through things,” instead of saying, “You always start arguments.”

6

End on some positives from the relationship.

Some closing sentiments let them know that you appreciated them. Even though you’re breaking up, reflect back on the good times you had with your partner. Bring up how they’ve changed you for the better or how they affected your life. This shows that you care about how the other person feels and that they left an impression on your life.^{[6]
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- For example, you could say, “I’ll always appreciate how you made me more patient, and I wish you the best moving forward.”
- As another example, you might say, “Thank you for all the good times we had even though things didn’t work out in the end.”

7

Be respectful when you reply.

You can still deliver bad news without being mean or harsh to the person. The guy might have questions about the breakup, so stay polite as you respond. Look at it from their point of view and show that you understand where they’re coming from, but stay firm on your decision.^{[7]
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- For example, you might say, “I know that you’re feeling upset and I completely get why, but I have to be honest with my emotions.”
- As another example, you could write, “I hear you and I understand what you’re saying, but I still think breaking up is the best decision for us.”

8

Keep your message and conversation brief.

Only say as much as you need to so you don’t back out of your decision. Even though you might be feeling a lot, try to keep it short and avoid listing a lot of reasons why you’re dumping him. Keep your text as short and to the point as possible so your message comes across clear.^{[8]
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- For example, your text in full might read, “Hi Alex. You’ve been a really fun and supportive guy, but to be honest, I’m not feeling the spark we used to have. I’m noticing that we’re not talking as much anymore, and it’s probably best if we break up. I enjoyed all the good times we had even though it didn’t work out for us. I wish you the best.”

9

Cut it off completely.

Let him know it's over so you don't could lead him on. Avoid saying anything that implies you could get back together in the future or be friends, or else the guy might feel like there’s still a chance. After you break up, avoid reaching out and make it clear that you don’t want to see each other again.^{[9]
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- If the guy doesn’t leave you alone after the breakup, block his number and his social media accounts so he can’t reach you.

10

Break up in person if you’ve been dating for awhile.

It’s disrespectful to cut off your relationship over text if things were serious. Even though it may feel easier to send a text to end it with your guy, it’s going to be a lot more hurtful later on. Show your boyfriend some respect and that the relationship was important to you by having the discussion face-to-face.^{[10]
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- An in-person break-up gives your partner an opportunity to get closure.
- If you don’t feel safe seeing him in person, at least do it over the phone or on a video call instead of over text.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it better to break up in person or over text?

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Dating Coach
Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”

Patti Novak Williams

Professional Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It's always better to break up in person. If you've decided to end things, your head isn't in the game anymore, but theirs still might be—so, it's really important to be sensitive to the other person's feelings. You owe each other mutual respect and kindness!

Warnings

If you’ve been on more than 4–5 dates or are in a long-term relationship, dumping your partner over text could really hurt their feelings or come across as disrespectful. At least give them a phone call or try to meet in person if it’s safe to do so.^{[12]
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Breakups are tough even if you do everything the “right” way. It’s okay if you feel sad or depressed afterward. Let yourself experience those feelings and reflect on why it was the right choice for you.^{[13]
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