How to Date Without Your Parents Knowing

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: February 16, 2023

Everybody's parents have some time when they want you to date, but sometimes, it's not when you want. Generally, disobeying your parents and going behind their backs is not encouraged, but if you must do so, do it the right way. This guide can help!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Questioning your decision to date without permission

1
Consider how dating without telling your parents affects your relationship with your parents. You're going to be lying to your parents constantly about something that is a big deal. Yes, it is a big deal. It matters enough to them to consider that you're not yet ready to date, so you must really think through the consequences of lying constantly and the potential of being caught out. Think about the following before going ahead with dating without telling them:
- You cannot share the joy of your feelings with your parents.
- You are lying all of the time. Not just once, twice or thrice, but constantly. That will wear you down eventually.
- Things are bound to slip up somewhere. A mistaken word, a chance meeting, another parent making a comment...
- Your parents have a good reason for forbidding the dating. Perhaps it's best to talk about that reason thoroughly before making your decision.
2
Remind yourself that you're still young. You have decades ahead of you to find that special person. This isn't a do or die decision, even if it feels like it at the time.

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3
Think carefully about actually asking if you can date. Tell your parents that a guy or girl would like to date you and that you would like to do so. Explain that you understand they don't wish to permit it but give them plenty of reasons why you can be trusted, and give them plenty of leeway to make conditions that control the dating, such as being in a group only and getting home early after each date. This may be much better than creeping about and lying all of the time.
- Read How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend for more information to help you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Making things seem like normal

1
Hang around your date with other people. This way, your parents won't get suspicious as your date will be just one of the group.
2
Use your best friend as an excuse. If your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you on a date, tell your parents that you're going out with your best friend, who has to be the same gender as you. Your best friend must be willing to cover for you, if needed. Another alternative is to say that you're going on a girls/guys night out.
3
Avoid using social media to connect. Think twice, and even three times, before using Facebook or Myspace to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend.
4
Don't text your date loving stuff if your parents check your phone so often!

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Dealing with your evident signs

1
Don't do anything that would make the fact that you're dating easy to notice, like getting hickeys.
2
Stay calm and on an even keel. Once you start dating a guy/girl, it's probable that you'll be feeling really excited and happy. Most people will notice this change or "glow" that has come over you, and will surmise what's up. It's going to be even more evident if you're normally morose or glum. If your parent asks you what's up, just say something like "I just don't think that it's right to be gloomy all the time, I'm trying to change and be more appreciative of everything".
3
Keep covering as best you can. Realize that this charade may have to go on for ages, and that's something you've got to carry within you and keep acting as if things are normal on the outside. Try to hide your relationship as much as possible until the pair of you break up or your parents decide you can start dating. When they tell you that you can start dating come home from school the next /weekday, and tell them the news.Just be sure not to tell them you have a boyfriend/girlfriend too quickly or you parents will get suspicious on why you happened to date right after them allowing you.
4
Deny it. If your parents pop the dreaded question, "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?", tell them that you don't, nor have you thought about getting one. It's an outright lie, and if they have evidence to the contrary, realize that you'll have walked right into a trap and things will probably not proceed that well from here.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Dealing with friends and your date

1
Keep it from friends if possible. If you can't hide it from your friends, only explain it to a few mutual friends and make them swear not to tell anyone. If they do tell someone, tell them that you are upset and not to tell anyone else. If the person that your friend told starts telling people, tell them to stop. If they don't stop tell them that it was a joke that you and your friend are playing on each other.
2
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to meet your parents, be ready to explain. Explain why you can't do this at the time.

Community Q&A

Question

My boyfriend wants to hang out with me but I can't go out in public by myself and my parents won't let me date. How do I talk to him about this without hurting our relationship?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

Being honest is the best option for your relationship. Express how you feel about him and how you value your relationship, and explain why you have to listen to your parents regarding their rules about you dating. Maybe you could talk to your parents about having your boyfriend (or "friend") spend some time at your home so they can get to know him better. That may make them feel more comfortable with you going out on an actual date.
Question

What should I do if my boyfriend's guardian is homophobic and my parents are suspicious that we are dating?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

You have a few options for what you could do. The first would be to talk to your parents and tell them the truth about the situation. You could say something like, "He and I are friends and like each other, but his guardian is homophobic and he isn't ready to come out to them yet." If your parents know you're gay, they may be understanding of keeping your relationship private. The other option is to insist that nothing is going on between the two of you, though that could make it harder to tell your parents you ARE dating at some point in the future.
Question

How do you date in secret if you're in middle school?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

It can be really hard when you're in middle school because you can't drive yet, and that will make it harder to actually go on dates. Try arranging group hangouts or inviting the person over to your house. Also, consider talking to your parents about why it is they don't want you to date. Maybe you can come up with some kind of compromise so that you don't have to lie to them.

Warnings

Seriously consider not dating this person without your parent's permission. You will get found out eventually. People cannot help but talk and even if you think you're being careful, you are living in a world of digital image capturing at every possible place you could think of being.

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