How to Cope With Being a Diaper Lover

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 27, 2021 References Approved

Diaper lovers (DLs) are people who enjoy wearing diapers, for medical or non-medical reasons. A DL may wear a diaper for convenience, sexual pleasure, or as a preference over regular underwear. Realizing that you are a diaper lover can be difficult, and sometimes even traumatic. However, you can learn to accept yourself and explore your love of diapers.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Accepting Yourself as a Diaper Wearer

1
Know you are not alone. You may feel alienated or strange to realize that you enjoy wearing diapers. It’s important to recognize that many other people share your affection for wearing diapers. You are not the only person with these feelings and behaviors. There is nothing "strange" or "abnormal" about you.
- You may be surprised to learn that communities exist to bring diaper wearers together. It is possible to meet other people that have the same feelings and behaviors as you.
2
Learn about your feelings. You may feel strange or ashamed about wearing a diaper and feel unclear where this feeling originates. Accept the positive feelings you have about wearing diapers and being a diaper lover, such as pleasure, excitement, and satisfaction. If you are overcome with guilt, shame, and fear about wearing a diaper, look at these feelings, too. It may be easier to disregard or ignore these emotions, but move closer to them.^{[1]
X
Research source} Instead of worrying what people may think if they find out, learn to be comfortable with yourself and your feelings first.
- Explore the feelings you have about wearing a diaper and acknowledge all of them, both positive and negative. Ask yourself how wearing a diaper contributes to your self-perception and identity.
- Some negative feelings that may come up are fear of others finding out, or feelings of guilt or shame. You may be experiencing a lot of self-criticism.
- Especially if you want people to be understanding of you, it’s important that you understand your own motivations and feelings first.
- One way you can confront and work through these feelings is through journaling. The process of journaling allows you to define and get some distance from your emotions. Taking even just a few minutes each day to write down how you are feeling can bring clarity to your thoughts and feelings.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
3
Accept yourself for who you are. Part of full self-acceptance is choosing to accept the parts of yourself that are difficult to accept.^{[3]
X
Research source} Examine any negative feelings you have regarding wearing diapers and refuse any judgments you have toward yourself for wearing diapers. If you have a difficult time coping with your love of diapers, allow yourself to experience self-compassion.
- When dealing with shame, you can say, "I feel ashamed because society looks down on adult diaper wearing, but I don't have to conform to societal expectations" and “I accept myself as I am.”
- Remind yourself that it’s okay to find pleasure and satisfaction in wearing a diaper.
- Try treating yourself as you would a dearly loved friend. Show yourself the same care and affection you would show your friend.
4
Deal with guilt and shame. You may be feeling a lot of guilt and shame about your lifestyle. Guilt is the feeling that something you've done violates a moral code, that something is "wrong." Shame is the feeling of embarrassment, powerlessness and may come from self-disapproval or the disapproval of others. There is no need to feel guilt or shame about being a diaper lover. If you can successfully work through these feelings, you will be better able to accept yourself.
- Guilt is supposed to signal a person that he is doing something wrong or harmful — if you feel guilt after eating an entire cake, that's your brain telling you that this behavior is unhealthy and harmful.^{[4]
  X
  Research source} Or, to put it another way, guilt is the feeling you have done something bad, shame is the feeling you are bad.^{[5]
  X
  Research source} But experiencing guilt over your identity as a diaper lover is "unhealthy" guilt, because what you are doing is not hurting you or anyone else. If guilt exists to help us learn from our mistakes, what you must learn is how to change your mindset and accept this part of you.
- One way to heal shame is to accept that you have no control over the feelings and behaviors of others. People have the choice to be open and understanding, judgmental and closed off — and these choices have nothing to do with you. Once you stop taking other's behavior personally, you may begin to feel your shame lessen.^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
5
Act on your feelings. You may associate wearing a diaper or deviating from the "norm" as shameful. It may be hard to suppress the urge to wear a diaper, so stop suppressing. Suppressing your emotions and needs can be very damaging.^{[7]
X
Research source} Allow yourself to experience the pleasure of satisfaction you feel from wearing a diaper.
- If you are concerned about other people discovering your diaper wearing, you can choose to wear diapers in private or while you are alone.
6
Make friends who share your interests and feelings. There are communities of diaper lovers and adult babies, and many exist on the internet. If you seek understanding and companionship with other diaper lovers, join a community that shares the same values.
- If you’ve previously felt misunderstood or if you feel the weight of carrying the secret of being a diaper lover, being a part of a community of diaper lovers can be a huge relief to help you realize that you are not alone.
- Not all people who wear diapers want to belong to a community. It’s up to you to decide if you want to engage with other people who also wear diapers.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Understanding Diaper Wearing Behavior

1
Understand common factors uniting diaper lovers. Many adults who enjoy diaper wearing and infant behavior report desires of this lifestyle beginning in adolescence, around age 11 or 12.^{[8]
X
Research source
Hawkinson, K., & Zamboni, B. D. (2014). Adult baby/diaper lovers: An exploratory study of an online community sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 863-877.} Diaper wearing occurs more often in men than women. Diaper behaviors include wearing a diaper, wetting and/ or messing in the diaper.^{[9]
X
Research source
Hawkinson, K., & Zamboni, B. D. (2014). Adult baby/diaper lovers: An exploratory study of an online community sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 863-877.}
- Most diaper lovers are male, employed, and in their mid-30’s.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
- Some adult diaper lovers express a different gender than the one assigned at birth or express gender fluidity.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
2
Distinguish between adult diaper wearing and acting like a baby. Wearing a diaper does not automatically mean you want to act out infant or baby behaviors. Adult babies like to act and be treated like an infant: taking a bottle, playing with baby toys, or sleeping in a crib. Some diaper lovers solely enjoy wearing a diaper and may wear one discreetly and otherwise live a "normal" life. You may want to act as an adult baby or you may not; it’s up to you to explore and decide.
- Some people use diapers to feel comfortable or for sexual foreplay. The behavior is not necessarily tied to baby or infant lifestyle.
3
Accept that wearing a diaper may be associated with features of incontinence. You may first experience diapers when faced with increased incontinence. You may then begin to enjoy wearing diapers and begin to explore their role in sexuality or pleasure.
- It’s okay to enjoy wearing diapers whether you experience incontinence or not.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Respecting Your Privacy

1
Decide whether you want to discuss your diaper wearing. You may want to tell people that you wear a diaper, or you may not. It’s up to you to discuss wearing a diaper with those around you. If you are in a romantic relationship, you may want to disclose this information before the relationship progresses to a point that the discussion becomes overwhelming. You may want to tell close friends and family or choose to keep the diaper wearing to yourself.
- Don’t fear relationships or telling a partner about your diaper wearing. While some people may not understand, you may be surprised that many are willing to engage the behaviors and lifestyle.
2
Talk to your romantic partner. If wearing a diaper is an integral part of your identity or regular activities, it’s important to share this with your partner. This is especially true if you enjoy diaper wearing during sexual activity. It can be nerve-wracking to tell your partner, but go for it and don’t leave it hanging if it’s something important to you.
- Let your partner know you want to talk to them about something intimate that’s important to your heart. Say, “It’s important to be honest with you and show you all of who I am. Part of who I am is a diaper lover.” Be open to answer any questions your partner may have.
- Appeal to your partner. If your partner believes in being sexually adventurous, say “I know you enjoy being sexually adventurous, and this is a new adventure to practice together.”^{[12]
  X
  Research source}
- Create boundaries that both you and your partner feel comfortable within. For instance, you may want to start small and work your way up, such as wearing diapers around the house at first, then bringing them into more intimate settings. Use clear communication to make sure you both feel comfortable and are happy with the boundaries.
3
Use discretion in your appearance. Diaper lovers and adult babies are a huge group that is still on the sidelines and not "in the open" yet. Many people misunderstand the feelings and motivations of diaper lovers. It’s up to you whether you want to wear diapers in public or at home or both. This largely depends on your motivation for diaper wearing, whether you use a diaper for comfort or for sexual reasons.
- If you’d like to discreetly wear a diaper in public, wear loose clothing to hide the diaper bulge and keep diaper-wrinkling noise to a minimum.
- Wearing diapers to bed is a popular option.
4
Have a hiding place for diapers when you have visitors. If you prefer to keep your diaper wearing private, plan ahead when visitors enter your home. Keep the diapers in a safe spot where they will not be found. This could include the washer/dryer, your bedroom, or a secret spot only you know of in your home.
- If it makes you feel more comfortable, have a good story for why you might own them for those "just in case" scenarios.

Warnings

It's possible, no matter how secretive you are, to be discovered. If you are, it's not the worst thing in the world and life goes on. Don't take it too hard.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 55 Not Helpful 6