How to Be a Bad Boy

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: March 5, 2023 References Approved

Ever wonder why women can't seem to resist bad boys? It's not because they're jerks - no one likes someone because they're a jerk. Rather, it's because they're confident and assertive - in other words, sexy and charming. Use these pointers to build your masculine confidence and show the world (and all the women in it) who wears the pants!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Bad Boy Behavior and Habits

1
Above all, be a man. You have your own time, your own dreams, and your own plans, and you should almost never compromise them to make someone else happy (romantic interest or not). For instance, if you don't like something, don't pretend to like it. Be confident about your likes and dislikes - this will naturally attract like-minded people.
- Discover your values. What do you like? What do you hate? What is unique about you? What makes you happy? Know your self, or you'll find yourself faking values in order to "fit in." Can you really be happy if you're pretending to be someone you're not?
2
Become the center of your world. You exist primarily to make yourself happy - others are secondary. Make yourself and your life a priority. If you treat yourself like you're important, other people, including women, will see you as important too. Most people are naturally attracted to important people - being important is cool!
- With very rare exceptions, never sacrifice your self-image when pursuing a romantic interest. Do you like a girl who doesn't seem interested? Forget about her - you're too valuable to waste time trying to appease her.
- Women will appreciate your self-interest. It shows that you know what you want and you're not afraid to go for it.
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3
Stop caring about everything. Nothing's less sexy than someone who's constantly stressed out about every minor aspect of his life. Bad boys don't sweat the small stuff because they're sure that they have it all under control. For instance, in a situation where you're around women that you find attractive, while you won't necessarily want to act like a complete slob, you'll want to try to remain as relaxed as if you were at home watching TV. Doing this gives the signal to the people around you that you're cool, confident, and in-control of your situation, which, for bad boys, can be downright sexy.
- It's pretty tough to go from being a nervous, worried person to a smooth, confident player overnight. If you're still working at being relaxed, try slowing down your movements and actions — this is a great first step that will make you look (and feel) much calmer. Walk with slow, sure strides. Speak slowly but confidently. Avoid flinching whenever you can.
- Even for bad boys, things don't always go as planned. In the event that something does go wrong, try not to stress. Instead, play it off with a low-key joke. For instance, if you spill a drink all over yourself, don't spend time worrying about how you'll need to bleach it when you get home. Instead, just say something like, "Whoa! Looks like I have a new tie-dye to add to my collection." It's a little cheesy, but it shows that minor problems don't phase you.
4
Stop asking for permission or approval. So-called "nice guys" are always waiting for a sign that it's safe to proceed before taking action. That sign, however, often doesn't come, so they appear indecisive. Be decisive (especially with women) and handle objections as they come. Don't look to others to determine if you're acting "right". Do what feels right for you. You might be surprised by what you've always had permission to do!
- With women: instead of asking "Can I kiss you," just go for the kiss. The same goes for "Will you go on a date with me?" Start talking to her, and say "We need to hang out. What's good for you, Friday or Saturday?" Even if you're shot down, your decisiveness is much more attractive than if you simply asked for her attention.
- Have an opinion on everything, from the restaurants you eat at to how you spend your free time. Know what you want, and take action to achieve it - not only will you be more attractive, but you'll be happier.^{[1]
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- Disclaimer: Real men aren't creeps or pervs. Be confident, but also be very aware of your partner's needs. Never, ever force a kiss (or worse) on someone who doesn't want it. Just as you are keenly aware of your own desires, so are they. Respect their decisions.
5
Lead. As a man, always lead. Don't wait for someone to tell you where to go or what to do. If your group can't make a decision, make it yourself. Being a leader becomes natural once you stop worrying about other people and go and do what you know you need to do. You're not being selfish. Rather, you're taking care of your own life because you don't expect anyone to do it for you.
- Be the leader of your life in every situation - If you want to talk to that girl, or want to get that job, go do it.
- Also be a leader to your peers - If a friend is too chicken to talk to a girl, you can tease him a little as long as you're not cruel and your goal is to help motivate him to gain confidence. Your friends will appreciate your help and women will go crazy for you.
6
Be honest with everyone, especially yourself. One reason girls love bad boys is because they're honest. "Nice guys" often aren't. If a bad boy likes a girl, he will show her. A nice guy tends to hide his interest or beat around the bush. A nice guy tries to be a girl's friend as a stepping stone to becoming her boyfriend, but winds up just being her friend. Most girls know when guys like them. A bad boy knows this and has no problem showing this to a girl. In order to be a bad boy, be honest about your intentions. Most girls will appreciate the honesty - no one likes wading through friendly BS to find a potential partner.
- Girls can even appreciate relatively crude signs of interest. For instance, both bad boys and nice guys will look at a girl's chest. However, a bad boy won't care about being caught. This is much more attractive than trying to sneak a peek but being caught. The bad boy is honest about what he wants and he knows he has no reason to be ashamed.
7
Be independent. Never "need" anyone else - other people are nice to have around, but not necessary for your happiness. Learn to enjoy yourself and your own company. You will realize that the less you need other people, the more other people will need you. Always create your own fun and entertainment. Have a strong passion, and find hobbies and other interests that you would like to spend your time.
- Never make a relationship your first priority or your only source of happiness. Stop looking for others, especially women, to make you happy - you don't need them. Men all over the world waste time trying to find happiness in everything except themselves. When you're happy on your own, others will naturally want to be around you.
- Have a hobby - anything that uses your time and makes you happy. If it's something that lets you come in contact with new, young, sexy people, all the better. It should be something that you're passionate about, something you like, and something that you can build on! If you don't have or want a hobby, at least volunteer. Use your time to better the world - you're a bad boy, but you're not evil.
8
Value yourself - love yourself in a balanced and respectable way. A "bad boy" is bad because he knows that he is more valuable to himself than others are. He cares about himself. A bad boy realizes that he knows himself better than anyone else, thus, his opinion about himself is above the opinion of others. It comes down to having self respect, and you must earn your own self respect before you can expect others, especially girls, to respect you.
- How do you earn self-respect? Create a standard for what you will accept or won't accept from people, and follow it to a T. The most important part of having self respect is to not put up with people (both men and women) who are disrespectful toward you or people who are important to you.
- One problem with nice guys is that they are nice to everyone - even people who aren't nice back. We are all taught to turn the other cheek. In some cases, unfortunately, this only encourages jerks. Don't reward bad behavior. Be nice to people who deserve it. Remember, being nice to someone mean won't make them like you. Surround yourself with good people who have earned your trust and respect.
9
Be strong physically, but more so emotionally. As a man, you should be a pillar of strength that your family, friends, and especially women can rely on. Let go of the need to whine. Realize that no matter how much you complain or vent, your circumstances won't change. Instead, suck it up and handle it. Perpetual victims are unattractive and, more importantly, unable to better themselves.
- When things go wrong, just do your best to make it through the day. It is easy to get caught in the moment when something bad happens, but just remember that you're a man who solves his own problems and you will be able to handle it.
- Make sure the people in your life are taken care of. You shouldn't be anyone's sugar daddy - you are the most important person in your life - but you'll be appreciated and sought-after if you're helpful, strong and reliable.
- Work out or participate in some form of exercise every day. Regular exercise helps improve your mood, energy, and overall health! This is a critical part of helping you improve your emotional control, as it helps maintain the daily stress level. Working out also improves your confidence and your physical attractiveness - there's no reason not to!

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Building Bad Boy Confidence

1
Know yourself. Much of the advice above requires you to have high confidence and a good self-image. If you don't have these fundamentals, it's difficult if not impossible to be a true bad boy. Ask yourself questions like, "are there situations that make me nervous?" and "am I being the best that I can be?" If you don't like your answers, use the following steps to build healthy confidence. You'll be on your way to badness in no time.
2
Get fit. You don't need to be a body builder to be a bad boy, but you do need to be healthy. Scientific evidence has shown that physical exercise has a positive effect on self-esteem and can help thwart depression. The effects are both immediate (through the release of stress-reducing endorphins) and long-term (through the improvement of self-image and overall fitness)^{[2]
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Research source}. Don't put it off - go to the gym today, not tomorrow.
- One study found that moderately intense aerobic exercise produces the greatest immediate psychological boost.^{[3]
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  Research source} Any exercise routine that improves your physical fitness, however, will make you more attractive to yourself and others.
- For tips on starting an exercise routine, consult one of our many how-to guides on exercising, such as How to Exercise.
3
Start winning. Constantly work towards your career and personal goals. You don't need to be rich to have high confidence, but you do need to be proud of yourself. Working hard and succeeding will make you feel valuable and important - the cornerstones of a confident personality.
- Everyone (including bad boys) suffers personal setbacks. If you're experiencing difficulty in your career or personal life, keep it in perspective - by persevering through your difficulties, you're building a stronger personality. Never give up!
4
Treat yourself with value. Allow yourself to enjoy the things you like. You don't have to spend lots of money to feel valuable - simply cook the foods you like, enjoy your favorite drink in moderation, and reserve time to practice your hobbies. If you're doing the things you like, you'll naturally be happier, and if you're happier, you'll be more confident.
5
Address any personal psychological issues. Sometimes, low confidence can be-deeply rooted. Childhood abuse and traumatic experiences can cause psychological difficulties throughout your life that can negatively affect your self esteem.^{[4]
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Research source} Try to seek treatment for any issues that are affecting you mentally or emotionally. A variety of treatments, including counseling, biofeedback techniques, and the prescription of medicines, are available.
- Remember that seeking help for psychological issues is a sign of strength, not of weakness. Real men don't ignore their personal problems, they fix them. Sometimes, this requires the help of someone else. Never feel embarrassed to see a counselor or a therapist - over a quarter of US adults received some kind of mental health treatment within two years of a 2004 poll.^{[5]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Bad Boy Dating

1
Know what you want. A bad boy knows what he wants from a partner and is honest about it (see step six under Part One.) There's no shame in pursuing purely sexual relationships as long as you're honest about it. Similarly, having a long-term girlfriend doesn't mean you have to be less of a bad boy. Below are some tips for handling the fairer sex like a true bad boy.
2
Have your own life. The goal of a relationship shouldn't be to dedicate your life to your partner. Even if you're married, make your own plans. Reserve time for yourself. Spend time with your friends. If you treat yourself like a valuable commodity, your time will be highly sought-after by your partner. Conversely, if you're constantly making yourself available to your partner's whims, your time will become less valuable. Keep your backbone in any relationship - make sure you're not so dedicated to your partner that you forget about yourself.
3
Be cocky. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you need to worship them. Tease them! A lighthearted back-and-forth keeps a relationship passionate and fiery. It's also a good sign of a confident "alpha" personality - you're showing you're not afraid to engage in a little verbal swordplay.^{[6]
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Research source} Think about it - would you really want to be in a relationship with someone you always have to be nice to?
- Don't be too cruel with your teasing. Avoid subjects that your partner is sensitive about - for instance, her looks or her career. Keep it light.
- Be prepared to receive some teasing yourself - don't dish it out if you can't take it!
- If you accidentally hurt your partner's feelings, make a genuine apology. Remember, bad boys are honest - if you're truly sorry, say so. Don't feel like you need to withhold a well-deserved apology to be a bad boy. That's not "bad" - it's just jerkish.
4
Wear the pants in your relationship. This doesn't mean to boss your partner around or prevent her from making decisions. Rather, it means you should aim to be decisive in situations where it's appropriate and to have a plan at all times. For instance, if you're going out, pick a place and make reservations ahead of time. Take her hand to lead her through crowds without being asked. Kiss her when the mood suits you. Show her that you're confident about what you want for yourself and her. Choose a topic of conversation that you're passionate about. Talk your family, or an event that strikes home for you. Don't gossip; speak from the heart, and let your darling know that you have a sensitive side and show her your true family man side.
5
Be surprising. In a long-term relationship, it can be difficult not to fall into certain habits and routines. Still, make an effort to be spontaneous sometimes. Plan weekend getaways when you both have the time. Surprise her with tickets to an evening concert when she wakes up in the morning. Breaking the routine of a relationship keeps it fresh and exciting.
- It might seem paradoxical to plan seemingly "spontaneous" activities ahead of time. However, it's necessary - nothing's worse than making an impromptu trip to an ice-skating rink only to discover that it's closed. Skating rinks aren't very bad boy anyway.
- Remember that the goal of being spontaneous is not to shower her with gifts. Maintain your personal value - if you're unsure of what to do, try to plan activities that you like. You'll be happy to go, and your happiness will reflect in your partner.
6
Give her space and make sure she gives you space. Bad boys and their partners aren't dependent on each other. They maintain their own lives, friendships, and hobbies. This makes the time that they do spend together more valuable.
- Balancing time between your friends and your partner can be difficult. Luckily, since this is a common problem, it's been the source of much thoughtful (and some thoughtless) online writing. Consider consulting a sensibly-written article for advice.

Expert Q&A

Question

What is the difference between bad boy and a jerk?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It's more about assertiveness! A typical bad boy doesn't care that much about trying to please others—he's comfortable speaking his own mind. The line really gets crossed when he starts being disrespectful and going too far. That's not saying you have to bend over backwards to be respectful, but you also don't have to be a complete jerk about things.
Question

Can I still be sweet and caring to my girlfriend?

Community Answer

Yes, being a "bad boy" doesn't mean being a jerk, it means having lots of self-confidence and being you. If you don't act sweet and caring to your girlfriend, you risk losing her!
Question

What do I do if I try to be a bad boy and people think I'm creepy?

Community Answer

Fix your hygiene, look good and don't hide your intentions. Don't stare, don't be a stalker, and show a little emotion but keep it masculine. Bad boys are self-centered but aren't cruel. You can keep to yourself but don't be anti-social. Ask your friends for more specific advice.

Warnings

Women will sometimes test you to see if you're the real deal or just an actor. Follow these steps until you internalize them.

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Remember that being a bad boy isn't the same thing as being a jerk. Bad boys are confident without being arrogant or cruel. They know they're valuable, but they never pretend like they're better than they are.

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Being a bad boy will set you free of your old needy habits and your old needy friends.

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It isn't easy to change yourself, and it can be almost impossible to escape years of programming. However, you can always become better. For the most efficient results, don't try to change yourself completely - concentrate your efforts where you can improve the most.

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