How to Practice Self-Love when You Have Nothing Left to Give

Written by Jennifer Butler, MSW | Edited by Dev Murphy

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Overextending yourself can leave you feeling depleted, burnt out, and as if you have nothing left to give anyone, including yourself. You might be feeling weak or even ashamed, but trust us when we say it will get better. If you’re feeling drained and as if you have nothing left to give, read on. We’ve compiled a list of steps to take to overcome your exhaustion—and to help you keep burnout at bay in the future.

This article is based on an interview with our love and transformation coach, Jennifer Butler, MSW, owner of JennJoyCoaching. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Accept that you are overloaded and in need of time to yourself to recuperate. Everyone experiences burnout from time to time.
Practice self-care by doing whatever makes you feel most relaxed. Listen to your body to see what it needs.
Reduce the risk of future burnout by establishing strict boundaries, and sticking to them.
Manage stress by scheduling regular alone time to reflect and relax.

1

Take time for yourself.

The quickest way to alleviate burnout is to drop everything and relax. When you’re feeling like you have nothing left to give, the first step is to take a pause for some much-needed self-care. Cancel plans, set aside worries about the future, temporarily forget about all the items on your to-do list, and just be.
- Pay attention to what your body wants, whether it’s a soothing candlelit bath, fast food, a walk through nature, or just a good long cry.
- If you’re an introvert, your self-care might mean taking time alone to reflect, whereas extroverts may gravitate towards groups of trusted friends.
- As a general practice, set 3 or 4 timers throughout the day as reminders to check in with yourself: Do you need a quick 10-minute walk? A snack?

2

Realize that burnout is common.

Don’t blame yourself for not being able to “do it all.” Everyone experiences burnout from time to time, and accepting that fact is essential to recovering from your burnout. Shame at perceived failure to get everything done and guilt at wanting time to yourself are extremely common—but this tends to only make the burnout worse. Recognize that you are feeling depleted, and that you are deserving of time to recuperate.
- Self-love is a practice, and you’ll fail at it sometimes. You won’t automatically develop good habits overnight.
- Paradoxically, feelings of inadequacy are likely to diminish once you surrender to the fact that you aren’t in control of everything!

3

Ask for help.

Support from friends, family, and coworkers can reduce your overwhelm. Whether you are unequipped to perform a task on your own or simply have too much on your plate to accomplish, support from loved ones is crucial to overcoming burnout. Communicate to those in your circle that you are struggling, and ask if they can help share the load or simply be there to lean on.^{[1]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Loved ones may help in concrete ways—by buying dinner, babysitting, helping to clean—or they may just lend a sympathetic ear.
- It can feel like weakness to ask for help, but it’s not. Your friends are in your corner.
- You may find that the expectations you assumed others had of you were imagined, and that you have higher standards for yourself than others do!

4

Reassess your priorities.

Ask yourself where your energy is going. Are you prioritizing work ahead of your personal life? Are you sacrificing your well-being for the sake of your family? Are you stretching yourself too thin for friends? Consider whether your goals are in alignment with your values, and what steps you need to take to achieve better balance.
- Ask yourself what motivates you. Is it fear of not being “good enough”? Burnout often occurs as a result of insecurity that other people will abandon us if we don’t sacrifice our time or energy for them.
- Burnout is often due to a feeling of lack of control. By understanding where your energy is going, you can regain control of your time.^{[2]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- Once you have reassessed your priorities, make sure your schedule reflects them.

5

Establish boundaries.

Good boundaries will help keep you from becoming depleted in the future. People who struggle with giving too much of themselves often struggle to say “no,” but it’s imperative to maintaining mental health. Practice saying “no” and establish strict boundaries regarding your availability and how much work you are able and willing to take on—and abide by them.
- If you’re having trouble leaving work at the office, communicate to your coworkers and boss that you will only be available at certain hours.
- Don’t be afraid to let people down. As the saying goes, “You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can put on someone else’s.”

6

Make positive self-talk a habit.

Practice positive affirmations to uplift yourself. Almost everyone struggles with negative self-talk sometimes. These are the thoughts we have telling us we are worthless, selfish, weak, or unlovable. Implementing positive mantras—like “I am strong,” “I am worthy of love,” and “I am creative”—will help diminish those negative thoughts over time.
- Instead of ignoring negative self-talk, analyze it. What’s the narrative you have been telling yourself for years? Analyzing your self-thoughts will help you to overcome them.
- Think about what you would say to a child or a friend who was feeling the way you are. Can you say those things to yourself?

7

Develop a good morning routine.

Establish a morning ritual to set a positive tone for your day. Everyone’s morning routine will look a little different—some may involve going for a jog and others may involve sipping coffee on the porch. Whatever shape your routine takes, give yourself plenty of time to perform your morning ritual so that you aren’t rushing and carrying negative energy into your day.
- You may find it helpful to wake up a little earlier to make sure you've got enough time to move slowly and intentionally into your day.
- You don’t need to wake up 2 hours earlier instantaneously. If you’re struggling to wake up earlier, start small: wake up 10 minutes early this week, then 20 minutes early next week.

8

Regain your sense of wonder by trying something new.

A small deviation from the norm can give you new energy. And getting out of your comfort zone may also boost your self-esteem!^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source} You don’t have to take an elaborate vacation to make life more interesting: try taking the scenic route to work one morning, or eating at a new café for lunch. Embrace small adventures.
- Remember what it was like to be a child. What did you value as a kid? How can you reframe your current reality to reflect your inner child’s passions and playfulness?

9

Make (and keep) doctor’s appointments.

Stop putting off that checkup! When you’re drowning in work or other responsibilities, making doctor's appointments can feel like...well, more work. But healthcare is self-care, so make those appointments—and stick to them. Just by taking the steps to tend your health, you'll feel more empowered and confident.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute
Research and education center within the National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Many medical professionals offer telehealth appointments, making doctor’s appointments even easier to stick to.

10

Tidy up.

A clean living space will ease stress and boost self-esteem. When you’re burned out, the last thing you might want to do is clean, but tidying up your home and workspace will alleviate anxiety or frustration, making it easier to relax. Decluttering will also help you regain a sense of control over your life, which will elevate your confidence and help you feel more grounded.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- A cluttered bedroom can also inhibit a good night’s sleep. Cleaning up will make it easier for you to get plenty of rest.
- You don't have to go full Marie Kondo, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed. Focus on a small task at a time, like making your bed, or doing one load of dishes.
- Or set a timer for 20, 10, or even 5 minutes and do as much cleaning as you can before time runs out. You'll be surprised at the progress you can make in a few minutes.

11

Move your body.

Regular exercise will improve your mental health. Exercise releases endorphins that elevate your mood and alleviates stress due to burnout—and it will also help you take your mind off your responsibilities. When you have nothing left to give, move your body, whether it’s a few 10-minute walks throughout the day or an intensive hour-long jog.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- If the thought of exercising when you're burned out is too overwhelming, start slow: tell yourself you'll exercise for 5 minutes, or even 1 minute. Once that minute is up, you can rest, or keep moving if you feel up to it.

12

Practice healthy eating habits.

Burnout can affect our eating habits—and vice versa. When you’re busy, it might be tempting to skip lunch, but missing a meal can augment burnout. Being overstressed can also lead to binge-eating, which can negatively affect your mental health as well. Self-care means eating when you are hungry, implementing a variety of healthy foods into your diet, and staying hydrated.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute
Research and education center within the National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Healthy eating is about feeling empowered and listening to your body. So focus on fueling up with foods you love, not crazy, restrictive diets.^{[8]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Developing healthy eating habits won’t happen overnight: start small, introducing new foods or habits into your diet bit by bit.
- Explore new recipes to find foods you enjoy, such as delicious smoothies.
- Or adapt foods you already love to make them healthier—for instance, try your daily latte with honey instead of cane sugar to reduce anxiety.^{[9]
  X
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}