How to Text a Girl on Messenger

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: May 28, 2022

It happens all the time. You saw a girl on Facebook or Instagram and you just had to get to know her, but you're not really sure how to start a conversation. After all, you want to seem cool and interesting, without coming across like you're trying too hard. Never fear, we're here to help! Our how-to guide has tons of ideas for how to start chatting in a way that feels really natural.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Mention how you came across her profile.

If you don't know her in real life, give her a little context. Maybe she popped up in your suggested friends, or maybe you saw something she posted in your feed. You might even have mutual friends. However you found her, it can help to include this in your initial message so she doesn't think the message is totally out of the blue.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Try saying something like "Hey Meaghan! Facebook listed you as a suggested friend and I saw we know some of the same people. You seem really cool from your profile and I wanted to introduce myself!"
- You might also say, "Hi Kat, a friend of mine shared your artwork to their page and I just had to meet you!"

2

Let her know what drew you to her.

Think about what it was that caught your attention. Do you have the same taste in memes? Like the same shows? Or maybe you just thought she had an amazing vibe. Don't go overboard with the flattery right way—that can seem kind of intense over text. However, a short, sincere compliment can help her understand why you're reaching out.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- You could say something like, "You seem like you have an awesome sense of humor—I love that!"
- Or you might say, "You're really cute and I just had to say hi."

3

Ask a question about one of her interests.

Scope out her profile and find out what she likes. Then, use that to spark a conversation. It's a natural way to get her talking, and it will give you a chance to get to know her better. For instance, you could say:^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- "I noticed you're a vegan. What's your favorite vegan spot in the city?"
- "It looks like you travel a lot. Is there anywhere you're really excited about going next?"
- "Where did you get those amazing vintage Jordans you're wearing in that one picture?"
- "Where do you like to go on the weekends?"

4

Talk about something you have in common.

This is a natural conversation starter. Has she posted recently about anything you're really into? Maybe the two of you both posted pics from the same restaurant. Or maybe you know a lot of the same people. If you can find anything in common with her, mention it early in the conversation.
- Say something like, "I saw you were FB friends with my cousin Kaylee. How do you guys know each other?"
- Or try saying, "I thought I was the only person in the whole city who loved anchovy AND pineapple on my pizza. We have to be friends!"

5

Send her a picture of something interesting.

Skip the selfies—show her something you've seen or done. You can never go wrong with pictures that show her what you do in your free time, like skating with your friends or throwing epic movie nights. Bonus points if you can tie it into your conversation. For instance, if you're talking about artists you like, you could send her a picture from the last exhibit you went to.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- If the conversation turns to travel, you might share a shot of a great view or cool building you saw on your last trip.
- Don't have any cool pictures to share? Try sharing a selfie sticker as a fun way to react to whatever she's saying.^{[5]
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  Research source}
- You could also send memes or short videos that you like!

6

Link her to a relevant article or event.

Share something that relates to the conversation or her interests. If you're scrolling your news feed and you come across a story that reminds you of this girl, share it with her in Messenger! Same goes for events that are coming up in your area. You could even use it as a subtle hint that you should meet up.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- For instance, if she's really into anime, you might share a story that mentions a new release coming to Netflix.
- If she loves a certain band, share an upcoming tour date that's near your area.

7

Play a game together in Messenger.

Messenger has a lot of fun games you can play in-app. On Facebook Messenger, you can play games like Words with Friends, Snake, 2048, and Pacman.^{[7]
X
Research source} On IG, you can play games like Flappy Bird, Racing Bike, or Jumping Robot.^{[8]
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Research source} Send her an invite and see if she's interested in a few rounds. It can be a fun, low-key way to hang out without the pressure of keeping up a conversation.
- Say something like, "Want to play Jumping Robot for a few minutes before I start my homework?"
- Try turning it into a fun challenge by saying something like, "Wanna play a round of Words with Friends? Loser has to post an awkward selfie and leave it up for 30 minutes!"

8

Share things from your life.

Let her get to know more about you. Talk about something cool you did at work or a recent accomplishment you're proud of. Or, mention upcoming plans you have, like going to a concert. If you give her a glimpse into how you spend your time, she'll be more likely to see you as an interesting, well-rounded person who happens to be reaching out on Messenger.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- For instance, you might say, "I'm going rock climbing tomorrow with my friends. I'll let you know if I survive!"
- Or, say something like, "What are you up to this weekend? My friend Bri is coming over and we're going to binge season 2 of Yellowstone."

9

Ask follow-up questions to build on what she's saying.

Keep the thread of the conversation going. Jumping around from topic to topic can make it seem like you're not really listening to her. Instead, ask questions to learn more about what she's saying, and include some of your own insights or experiences that show you can relate.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- If she's talking about having a fight with her sister, for instance, you might say, "Man that's tough. My brother is my best friend, but we get into it once in a while too."
- If she mentions work, ask something like, "What do you do?" or "What's your favorite thing about your job?"

10

Match the energy of her texts.

Gauge how interested she is and respond accordingly. If she's sending you back-to-back messages, using exclamation points and emojis, and asking you follow-up questions, congratulations! She's probably into the conversation. However, if there are long pauses between messages or you're just getting two-word answers to your questions, she could be busy, or even uninterested in talking to you. In that case, it's best to give her some space.^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Give her time to respond to your messages. If she doesn't answer, it's okay to send one follow-up message later on, but if she doesn't answer that either, move on.
- If she says she's busy or she has to go, wait a few days before you message her again.

11

Ask her if she wants to meet up in person.

Pick somewhere based on her interests. If your Messenger conversation is going well, try taking it offline! Show her you've been listening by suggesting a place you think she'd like, and pick a specific time to meet.^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- For instance, you might say, "Hey, do you want to grab dinner at that Thai place you said you liked? Maybe Friday at 7:30?"
- Or, say something like, "My friends are having a get-together tomorrow. It's super low-key, but I was wondering if you'd like to come?"