How to Tell if He's Flirting

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: June 18, 2021 References

It can be hard to read a guy, especially a guy you fancy and are hoping fancies you as well. While you can't tell everything from body language, actions, and words, there is a lot that you can tell. Pay attention to how he acts around you and you'll be on your way to decrypting his behavior.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Reading His Body Language

1
See if he initiates touch. While touch doesn't necessarily guarantee that he's interested or flirting, there are definitely certain touches make it more likely. You want the touches that are more charged, and less "friends."^{[1]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Friendly pat-on-the-back touch means that he’s comfortable and friendly with you, but not necessarily flirting. Likewise, high-fives, fist bumps are more likely a friendly action than a flirtatious gesture.
- A lingering hand touch or a hug that goes on a little longer than with his friends are more likely to be signs of flirting, or that he's interested in you.
2
Notice his eye contact. Eye contact is one of the biggest parts of flirting. It creates a charged between two people and it can mean that he can't take his eyes off you. Lingering eye contact, eye contact that goes on for longer than normal, is especially a good sign.^{[2]
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Research source}^{[3]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- He’ll want to look at you, especially if he’s teasing you (teasing is another good sign of flirting), this way he can see what your reaction is, or just admire how you look.
- If he’s smiling or grinning at you, even better; flirting should be fun, smiles between two people can signal communication and interest
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3
Look at how he’s sitting or standing. People tend to subconsciously mirror the actions of those that they like. When you're with him, notice if he mirrors your actions, such as taking a sip of coffee a few moments after you do and so on.^{[4]
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- Notice things like: is he seated facing towards you? Does he make sure to keep in your line of sight so he can look at you? Does he lean forward when you speak?
- If he’s facing away or looking elsewhere, turning away in a middle of the conversation, crossing arms or legs and pulling back, probably he’s not flirting with you.
4
See if he lifts his eyebrow while in conversation with you. Men tend to raise their eyebrows slightly upwards when they're talking to a woman they're interested in. You'll want to observe what his eyebrows are doing when you're with him and when he's with other people to see whether it's different.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Paying Attention to What He Says

1
Notice whether he asks for your recommendations. A guy who likes you, wants to connect with you.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} This will mean borrowing books from you, taking movie or music recommendations. He may even turn this into a chance to get in a little verbal flirting, by teasing you about your choices^{[7]
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- This shows that he values your opinion and wants to connect with you on a deeper level. It also probably means that you've got awesome taste!
2
See if he teases you. Gentle teasing can be a big part of flirting, so a guy who is teasing you is probably trying to flirt with you. This means teasing you about something you're doing, or making jokes about your terrible sense of direction, for example.
- He might also make jokes around you more often than normal, because he's trying to get your attention by making you laugh. This could be anything from making bad puns to making gentle fun of himself (his bad sense of direction).
- Make sure that he isn’t saying mean or hurtful things. Teasing shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. He might be trying to flirt, but he's not doing it in a very kind way. Give this sort of guy a pass.
3
Notice whether he compliments you. A guy who's interested in you and wants to flirt is going to be paying attention to you. Complimenting can also be a part of flirting, especially if he couples if with teasing.^{[8]
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- He might compliment your appearance, your smile, what you're wearing, and so on.
- He might also compliment you on things other than your appearance. Things like your writing ability, your story-telling abilities, your head for math, your skill with videogames, etc.
4
See if he asks dangling questions. These are the kinds of questions that keep you talking, as well as see if he can hang out with you more, or flirt with you more. Pay attention to whether he drops these into the conversation.
- A couple examples of dangling questions are: “So you’re single because…” or “You’re doing what this weekend…”
- These questions indicate his interest in your relationship status or whether or not he can see you, but in a flirtatious manner.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Noticing His Actions

1
Pay attention to whether he’s around. A guy who's interested in you and who wants to flirt with you is going to be around. End of story. He's not going to be busy all the time, he'll make time for you. Even if he's shows his interest by ignoring you, he'll make sure to be ignoring you in person.
- Remember, it's hard to flirt if he’s not even there. If he's never around, he's not likely to be flirting with you.
- Even if he's not physically around, he'll make his presence felt by sending texts, calling you, and making sure to show up at the same things you’re going to.
2
See if he tries to impress you. A guy who's interested in you and wants to spend time flirting with you might try to impress you. When he's doing or saying something "cool" he'll make sure to check in to see if you're paying attention to how awesome he is.
- See if he tries to outdo his friends when he’s around you. He outdoes them in terms of the cool things he's done, he wants to outdance them on the dance floor (and show you what a good dancer he is), he wants to try out that new bike trick.
3
Pay attention to whether he laughs at the things you say. A guy who likes you is going to laugh at your hilarious comments (even if they aren't that funny, especially if they aren't that funny). Your flirty banter is going to make him laugh, if he's into you.
- Just remember, mean laughter is not a good sign. He can laugh at you when you're acting silly, but if his laughter hurts, run away from that guy. You don't want to flirt, or do anything else, with that guy.
4
Notice if he is thoughtful towards you. Again, a guy who is interested is a guy who is paying attention. If he's acting very kindly towards you, doing nice things for you, helping you out, there's a definite chance that he might be interested (especially depending on the types of things).
- For example: if he brings you flowers, or a little something because he thought of you (even if it's something silly), that's a very good sign.
- He also might do something like bring you soup when you’re sick. It shows that he's thinking of you and it shows that he's willing to help you out, especially if it's out of his way.
5
Observe how he treats you. This is a big one. A guy who has a flirty personality might be flirting with you, but that might be how he treats everyone. A guy who is looking to flirt with you because he's interested in you is going to treat you differently than he's going to treat other people, especially his friends.
- For example: even if he’s giving lingering hand touches and flowers, if he’s doing that for all the ladies or gentlemen, then he might be flirting, but that’s simply how he operates. It’s probably not specific to you.
6
See if he jumps to your defense. There's nothing like a guy who steps in to take your side. If you're having an argument with someone, or someone is being mean to you, see if the guy takes this as his cue to help you out.
- If someone is hurting your feelings does he step in? Even if he was teasing you earlier? This is a good sign that not only is he interested, but it goes beyond simply flirting.

Warnings

Guys and girls are taught from a young age that if a guy likes a girl he'll do the equivalent of pulling her pigtails. This is really not an okay way to treat someone. A little gentle poking fun is fine, but if he's being mean, he might still like you and be flirting with you, but he's not someone you want around.

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