As you and your children adjust to your lives post-divorce, there’s one more adjustment you might have to tackle: the dating world. For a child, hearing that their parent is dating again can be scary, and it can make them worry about the future. In this article, we’ll list the ways in which you can tell your child that you’re dating again while reassuring them at the same time.

1

Adjust the conversation according to your child’s age.

  1. Young children might need different talking points than older children. If your child is younger and doesn’t understand the concept of dating, you might talk about your new “friend” (usually, this works well for any children under 10). Older children might know a little bit about dating and relationships, so you can use more realistic terms, like partner, or boyfriend / girlfriend.[1]
    • For instance, for an 8-year-old, you might say something like, “Mommy’s new friend is coming over tonight.”
    • For a 15-year-old, you might say, “I just want you to know that I’ve gotten back into the dating scene a little bit.”
    • Even if your child is old enough to know what dating is, calling your new partner a friend can actually help soften the news a little bit. You know your children best, so use the terms that make the most sense to you.
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3

Be clear that your new partner isn’t a replacement.

  1. They will always have your ex-partner as their true parent. For some children, it’s hard not to see the person their parent is dating as a “new” parent. Remind them that you and your ex-partner will continue to co-parent as a team, and that the person you’re dating won’t ever replace them.
    • For a younger child, you might say something like, “I know it might sound a little weird, but Daddy is still your Daddy, okay? My friend Richard can be your friend, but he doesn’t have to be your Dad.”
    • Or, for an older kid, “You might see me and Jessica together, but you don’t need to call her ‘Mom.’ Your mom is still your mom, and Jessica won’t replace her.”
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5

Address any concerns your child has.

  1. Try to quell any anxieties that your child is feeling after you two chat. Kids have a lot of emotions, and if your child is old enough to express them, you might have to reassure them. Let them know that they’re still the priority in your life, and that they’ll always come before anyone you’re dating.[4]
    • For instance, younger kids might ask something like, “Is your new friend going to live with us?” You could say something like, “No! Not for a while, and maybe not ever. But even if that did happen, it would always be you and me first and foremost.”
    • While it’s great to listen to your kids and understand where they’re coming from, you don’t have to let them dictate your love life. Hear out their concerns, but don’t stop dating just because they’re not comfortable with it.
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7

Check in with your child often.

  1. Keep the line of communication open in case they have more concerns. If your child is younger, try checking in with them once a week or so to see how they’re doing. This is very important if you’ve already introduced your partner to your child—if they have more questions or concerns, hear them out, and try to make them feel better.[5]
    • You can ask things like, “How do you feel after meeting Nancy?” or, “Any more thoughts about our chat the other day?”
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10

List your partner’s positive qualities.

About This Article

Jade Giffin, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC
Co-authored by:
Art Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Jade Giffin, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Jade Giffin is an Art Psychotherapist based in New York, New York. She brings over a decade of experience specializing in the treatment of trauma and grief, pre and post-partum and parenting challenges, anxiety and stress management, self-care, and social, emotional, and learning difficulties for adults, teenagers, and children. Jade holds a BA in Psychology and Visual Arts from Barnard College and an MA in Art Therapy from New York University with distinction. She is a Hughes Fellow and Lehman Award recipient for providing outstanding clinical work. Jade's roles also encompass clinical supervisor, therapeutic program developer, published researcher, and presenter. This article has been viewed 14,053 times.
3 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 3
Updated: December 29, 2022
Views: 14,053
Categories: Children and Divorce
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