This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.
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When love turns sour and depression sets in, is there a way out? There is most certainly; everyone has the capacity to reach deep inside and find a way through love gone wrong, or unrequited love. Here are some ways to start improving your outlook about your own future and the role of love in your life.
Steps
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1Be accepting that you can't make other people into something they are not. This includes trying to make someone love you; it will happen if it's meant to be but if they change and their love for you also changes, it isn't a good idea to take out their choices on your own self-esteem.[1]
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2Be patient. Love is a very varied ideal and no two people have the same notion of what it is, or is not. This is often the reason behind why love relationships don't always work out because both parties have different viewpoints of what love is and how it should be impacting their lives. In being patient, you can do several important things for yourself:[2]
- You can get on with your life and the activities you enjoy
- You can cultivate your interests to the greatest extent possible
- You can open to all the incredible possibilities that are still awaiting you, including and especially love
- You can learn self-patience and apply that to everyday life
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3Find and make the most out of distractions. Pursue your hobbies, watch your favorite movies, head outdoors with a trusted friend, etc. When love is getting you down, do something to get on top of the blues. Action is always the best antidote to moping and negativity.[3]
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4Look for the lesson. Being rejected is never pleasant but each time something like that happens to us, there is something we can learn about ourselves, about how relationships develop or fade. Look for what you can take from this to apply to future relationships rather than trying to go over what could have been different. A lot could have been different but hindsight does not changes the past; it only informs the future.[4] [[Image:Determine-if-You-Are-Safe-Coming-Out-As-LGBT-Step-5.jpg|center]
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5Remember that you're not alone. Most humans will experience love at its best and at its worst as they grow through life. Many people know how hard it is to hurt over a lost love; however, the reality is that people move on. Picking up the pieces, taking the lessons with us, is part and parcel of being human.
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6Stay involved. Keep seeing people, keep getting out and doing things. Depression has a habit of keeping a person at home, where it feels worse. Getting out more is a key to moving on.[5]
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7Relax, there's plenty of time to find love. It will come, even if you're in your 90s.
Community Q&A
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QuestionI don't want to lose my love for him. He lost interest in me. What do I do to get him to love me again?
Community AnswerIf your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore, there's nothing you can do to change that. You should focus on other things, like yourself, and stop worrying about a guy that isn't smart enough to realize how great you are. -
QuestionHow can I stop being depressed about love and get over someone?
Community AnswerLook at all the bad things about them and remember it's their loss and not yours. If someone doesn't like you back, you should try to find new people. -
QuestionWhat are the chances of a girl coming back after a breakup?Community AnswerIt depends on what happened that precipitated the breakup. If it was just a small fight that escalated into a breakup, it's possible you could get back together, but you should really operate under the impression that she's not coming back and just try to get over this.
Warnings
- Think before you act - don't do something you will regret!⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Avoid eating or drinking excessively to try to fill your pain. You want to look and feel your best for moving on!⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience
- ↑ https://www.uhhospitals.org/Healthy-at-UH/articles/2020/04/strategies-to-redirect-your-thoughts-and-distract-your-mind
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201806/the-easiest-way-rebound-rejection
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201610/tips-making-friends-when-youre-depressed
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