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This article was co-authored by Maria Avgitidis. Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 290,154 times.
Your crush is there, sitting just across from you. So close and yet so far! Just how do you start a conversation with someone you barely know or have such strong feelings for? It's not as hard as it sounds, with a little advice from wikiHow. Get started with Step 1 below to be on your way to kisses and hand-holding!
This article is based on an interview with our professional matchmaker and dating expert, Maria Avgitidis. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Conversational Prep
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1Learn your crush's interests and hobbies.[1] Pay attention to what your crush does for fun. People generally enjoy talking about things that they know and like. Look for common ground between you two for topics to discuss.[2]
- For example, find out what their extracurricular activities are or what they do on the weekends. You can ask their friends or just pay attention to what they say they're doing.
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2Get a feel for your crush's personality. Are they shy? Maybe they are very social and extroverted? Taking cues from their social interactions will give you an idea of how to eventually approach your crush.[3]
- For example, if they're shy, talking to them around other people or being very open with your affection may scare them, and this should be avoided.[4]
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3Get a rough idea of your crush's schedule. You can only have a conversation if you are both in the same place at the same time. This information will increase the likelihood that you will have an impromptu "run-in" with your crush!
- If simply paying attention doesn't help, you can always recruit one of their friends to help you out. Good friends will want to help their friend get a date. Just make sure they're trustworthy.
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4Look good to feel good. You want to look your best, to show your crush that you think they're worth the effort. Feeling comfortable with your outward appearance will also give you an extra boost of confidence![5] Take special care with:
- Hair - Get a fresh haircut or style your hair in a nice way. Don't go for a completely new hairstyle, though... it will look out of place!
- Clothes - Wear an outfit that your crush might like. Above all, make sure your clothes are clean, fit your body, and are free of wrinkles or stains.
- Grooming - Washing, shaving, and smelling pleasant will go a long way!
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Having a Conversation
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1Pick the time and place. Depending on what you learned about your crush, choosing the when and the where of your conversation could be very important. If you want to have an intimate one-on-one conversation,[6] start the conversation when your crush is alone. If you are in a group or in a loud location, the conversation can be more casual.
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2Start the conversation with confidence.[7] Speak clearly and make eye contact with your crush.[8] Your body language says much about your interest. A smile wouldn't hurt, either![9]
- Remember that they are just another person, just like you. You don't have to be nervous, and even if things don't go exactly as you plan, everything will still be okay in the end.
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3Use open questions. These are questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. The goal is to get them talking and keep them talking, because this will give you the most opportunities to have something to respond to, creating a real conversation![10]
- Open questions usually start with "why" or "how", or deal with complex subject matters. For example, you could ask: "What was it like growing up in New York and then having to move here?", "Why did you want to take this class?", or "How are you liking working with _____?"
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4Listen actively and pay attention to your crush's body language. Try asking follow-up questions on topics that your crush seemed genuinely interested in.[11] Tone of voice and body language can give you an idea of how the conversation is going.[12]
- If they seem very disinterested or distracted, quit while you're ahead. You don't want to give them the impression that you're super awkward. Just excuse yourself ("Sorry, I forgot I was supposed to call my aunt for her birthday!") and try again another time.
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5Be yourself and allow your crush to do the same.[13] Once the conversation gets rolling, express your opinions and interests while giving your crush space to express theirs. Just make sure that you're focusing the conversation on them in the early stages of getting to know each other. You don't want them to feel like you're self-centered.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Starting a Conversation
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1Talk about something going on with school or work. You can start a conversation by talking about what you're guaranteed to have in common: school or work (depending on how you know each other).[14]
- "Have you taken Math with Heiser? I'm trying to figure out if I want to take it next semester."
- "Did you hear that they're going to remodel the break room? I'm holding out for a new TV. What about you?"
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2Comment on something happening around you. You can also comment on something that's happening nearby, while you're standing near each other. Just be sure it isn't critical of or insulting to other people (since this will give your crush the wrong impression of what you're like).
- "Did you see that? I wish more people were considerate like that these days. It's so nice to see."
- "Such a shame how he's talking to her. She deserves more respect. She works really hard."
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3Comment on something about them. Comment on something that they're wearing, asking a question about it's origin or story. Try to look for things that they're clearly proud of, such as badge pins, nice shoes, or tee shirts with band logos.
- "That's a cool Burning Man tee. Have you ever gone? I've always wanted to go."
- "Sweet Adventure Time button. Who's your favorite character?"
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4Ask a question.[15] Ask them a question about something that you think they might know about. This is a good way to get yourself talking to them, but the subject will usually need to be changed pretty quickly if you want a conversation to keep going.
- "Do you know where the Smith Building is?"
- "Do you know how to open this? I've been struggling with it but I can't tell if I'm dumb or just have really weak wrists."
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5Ask for help. Ask them for a tiny favor, something that takes less than a minute of their time. People like to feel useful and it will give you a way to start a conversation with positive feelings.
- "I don't suppose you could help me reach the stuff on the upper shelf? None of these chairs are safe to stand on."
- "Can you hold this coffee for a second while I put this away? I don't want it to spill."
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6Ask about their history. Ask them about how or why they're in a specific place. For example, if you're at a party, ask how they know the host. If you're at school and just hanging out in class or with other friends, ask them if they've always lived in the area.
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7Talk about a current event. Talk about something that's happening in the news, either nationally or in your local area. This can be a good way to launch into more serious topics, if you're really wanting to get to know them as a person.[16]
- "Did you hear about that protest rally for this weekend? I was thinking about going."
- "Did you hear the city is planning on tearing down that highway? Traffic is going to be murder."
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8Talk about a movie or TV show. Comment on or ask about a recent movie or TV show, either one that you like a lot or one that you haven't see yet. Get their opinion and use it to launch into a conversation. Even if they haven't seen it, you can turn the conversation into a usable topic.
- "Have you gone to see the new Spider Man yet? I'm trying to figure out if it's worth seeing."
- "Oh man, please tell me you watch Game of Thrones because I need someone to be excited with! You don't? You should...it's awesome!"
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9Compliment them![17] A compliment about something not-creepy is a great way to start a conversation. Try to compliment them on something they control, like their clothing choice or something they've done or made, instead of something that they don't, like their hair or eyes. Complimenting things like hair or eyes might as well be a compliment for just about anyone and isn't unique to them.[18]
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10Be honest.[19] Just tell them that you want to talk to them because they look interesting or fun and you want to get to know them. Many people will appreciate the honesty, especially people who are on the attractive side and are used to people trying to be manipulative or coy in order to talk to them.
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Sample Texts
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I impress my crush?
Maria AvgitidisMaria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
Matchmaker & Dating ExpertJust be yourself so your crush gets to know you. This way they'll like you for who you are. -
QuestionWhat should I text my crush?Maria AvgitidisMaria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
Matchmaker & Dating ExpertTry asking them about their hobbies or interests. You might also send them a post related to their hobbies and interests that you think they'll like.
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References
- ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Matchmaker & Dating Expert. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
- ↑ https://www.themuse.com/advice/3-surefire-ways-to-find-common-ground-with-strangers-you-have-to-talk-to
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201402/three-techniques-read-people
- ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/shytalk
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201407/10-ways-feel-better-about-how-you-look
- ↑ https://kftc.org/sites/default/files/docs/resources/how_to_have_one_on_one_conversations_for_website.pdf
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/speaking-confidence-work-life/
- ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Matchmaker & Dating Expert. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
- ↑ https://socialself.com/outgoing-chapter-4/
- ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/social-briefing-8-better-conversations-asking-open-ended-questions/
- ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Matchmaker & Dating Expert. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
- ↑ https://fremont.edu/how-to-read-body-language-revealing-the-secrets-behind-common-nonverbal-cues/
- ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Matchmaker & Dating Expert. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
- ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/how-connect-find-common-ground-any-conversation-ncna791206
- ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-ask-questions/
- ↑ https://nypost.com/2014/12/03/why-you-should-talk-about-current-events-on-a-first-date/
- ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/too-seldom-is-heard-an-encouraging-word-why-and-how-to-offer-more-compliments/
- ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/6-tricks-giving-good-compliment.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201506/5-ways-build-trust-and-honesty-in-your-relationship
About This Article
Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
This article was co-authored by Maria Avgitidis. Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist. This article has been viewed 290,154 times.
Co-authors: 36
Updated: January 12, 2023
Views: 290,154
Categories: Crushes
Article SummaryX
To start a conversation with your crush, ask them a question about something you both have in common, like school or work. For example, you might say, “Have you ever taken math with Mr. Jones? I’m thinking of taking it next semester.” When you can’t think of anything you have in common, talk about something going on around you, like commenting on the way a couple is arguing with each other. You could also ask them where they got a special item of clothing, such as a band t-shirt or a nice pair of shoes. If you’re at a party or other event, ask your crush something about the occasion, like how they know the host or why they chose to come along. However you choose to strike up the conversation, make sure to speak clearly and make eye contact with your crush, since this shows them that you’re a confident person. For tips on how to keep a conversation going after you’ve got it started, keep reading!
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