How to Show a Shy Boy that You Like Him

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: November 22, 2020 References

In many cases, boys will be able to get up the courage to tell you they like you. However, if you’ve set your sights on a shy boy, you might have to do most of the work to get him to admit that he likes you too. Showing a shy boy that you like him takes a bit of courage and a lot of patience, but it can certainly be worth it!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Showing Him You Like Him

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Use your body language. Using your body language to show him you like him means that you use subtle signals, such as facing him or touching his arm, that will hopefully catch his attention. Try to sit by him when you can, and when you’re talking with him make sure that you have your whole body facing him. Don’t cross your arms while you’re talking as this creates a defensive position.^{[1]
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Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Don’t forget to smile when you’re talking to him.
- Realize, though, that some boys won’t really be paying enough attention to notice your body language. He may feel too nervous around you to be paying any attention to subtle signals.
2
Compliment him. Giving him a compliment will show him that you are paying attention to him. You can think about things he is really good at, or something you really like about how he dresses and compliment that.^{[2]
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Research source} Giving him a compliment every now and then may give him the confidence to tell you that he likes you.
- For example, you could say, “Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I think your outfit makes you look really nice today.” If he plays a sport, you can tell him how good he is at it, for example, “I saw your soccer game yesterday. That was a really awesome goal you scored!”
- Don’t overdo it. A compliment every now and then is OK, but giving a compliment multiple times a day may make him feel uncomfortable.
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3
Make eye contact. A shy guy may be reluctant to look you in the face, but if you can, try to make eye contact with him. If you do catch his eye, flash a quick smile, and hold the eye contact for about 3 seconds. Then get on with whatever you were doing. If you are able to do this, he’ll get at least an inkling of an idea that maybe you’re into him.^{[3]
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Joshua Pompey
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Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Making eye contact doesn’t mean staring. If you make eye contact for too long he may get embarrassed.
4
Engage him in conversation. It may be that you are only around this shy boy in front of his or your friends, so you may not get to spend much time talking to him. When you are together, try to focus your attention on talking to him without ignoring everyone else. Ask him questions about things he likes, or what he thought about a new movie that came out.^{[4]
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- Try to ask questions that will require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. For example, don’t say, “Did you like the game on Friday?” instead say, “Tell me what you thought about the game on Friday.”
- If you are in a group don’t ignore everyone, just casually try to engage him in conversation while everyone else is talking.
- If you are alone this will be easy. He may seem as though he has nothing to say, but if you keep coming up with new things to talk about he’ll (hopefully) come out of his shell a bit.
5
Flirt with him. One of the most common ways to show someone that you like them is to simply flirt with them. When most people think of flirting, they think of doing it in person, but if that seems to scary, you can also try flirting with him over text message, email, or chat.
- When flirting via text, use emojis. One of the most common emojis used when flirting is the winky face, which keeps things light and fun.
- Try to make a bit of physical contact when flirting in person. For example, if you are sitting next to each other you can subtly let your knee touch his knee, or you can brush some imaginary dirt off of his shoulder.^{[5]
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  Joshua Pompey
  Relationship Expert
  Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- When flirting, don't forget to smile! Flirting is supposed to be light and fun. If you are being very serious he probably won't think that you are flirting.
- Tease him just a little bit. With shy guys you definitely don't want to over-do this. However, teasing him just a little bit might show him that you are interested. When you tease him, be sure to smile and laugh, and maybe gently touch his arm to let him know that you aren't trying to be mean at all.
6
Ask him to help you with something. Most boys like to be reminded of their masculinity. Getting him to help you with something may help him feel courageous enough to make a move. When asking him to help you, try to think of something that will make him feel tough.^{[6]
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- For example, ask him to lift something a bit heavy. Don't be unrealistic here, and make sure that you choose something he can actually lift. You could say something like, "Hey Josh, I'm trying to put these big heavy books back up on the shelf, but they're too heavy for me. I know you're strong, could you help me?"

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Telling Him You Like Him

1
Decide how you’ll tell him. Telling a shy boy that you like him is tricky because, in a face-to-face encounter, he might get too embarrassed and react differently than he really wants to. You can tell him face-to-face, but make sure that you do it when you two are alone, and well out of sight of any of his or your friends.
- When you tell him, try to keep it casual. If you’re not certain that he likes you, or you’re afraid he will get embarrassed, you can make it light-hearted and easy. For example, instead of saying “I really like you, and I want to be your girlfriend,” you can say, “I was thinking that since we get along so well, and have so much fun together that maybe we should go to the dance together next Friday.” This will give him a way to agree that he likes you without actually having to say it out loud.
- If you are friends on social media, you can tell him via chat, you can tell him over email or text, or you can even just write him a letter. However, if you are worried that he maybe doesn’t like you back, he might show what you have written to his friends. Hopefully he won’t do this, but be aware that spilling your feelings in written form leaves a record of what you’ve said.
2
Be sweet. When you tell him you like him, try to be friendly and sweet to him. Realize that for a shy boy, talking to a girl he likes is probably one of the scariest things in the world. He might react strangely to your confession, even if he does like you too. Try to be ready for this possibility, and if he does react weirdly, or says something defensive try to stay friendly.
- You can say something like, “OK, don’t worry about it. I just wanted to see what you thought. Let me know if you want to talk about it more some time.” This has the added benefit that if he truly doesn’t feel the same, then you have easily and gracefully left the conversation without embarrassing yourself too much.
- Being sweet and friendly may also encourage him to feel less afraid to talk to you.
3
Be patient. If you tell him face-to-face, you’ll get some sort of reaction right away, though the reaction he gives you may not be the one he meant to give you. If you write him a text or an email, you may not get any reaction at first. There are lots of reasons that he may not respond to you right away. On the other hand, if you wrote him weeks ago on social media, and you know he’s seen your message, then he may just be afraid of hurting your feelings.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Give him a few days to respond. He may need some time to think about what he wants to say, or he may just be really busy. Maybe he doesn’t get on social media everyday or doesn’t check his email often.
- If he hasn’t responded after a week or two, consider taking him aside to ask him about it. Tell him it’s no big deal if he’s not interested, but you just wanted to make sure he got your message.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Knowing Whether or Not He Likes You Back

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Observe how he acts when you’re around and when you’re not around. Of course, it may be hard to find out how he acts when you’re not there, but try to observe him from afar. If you see him across the lunch room, see how he is acting with his friends. Is he talking a lot or is he quiet? If he’s very talkative around other people, but quiet around you, there’s a good chance that he feels nervous about saying the wrong thing in front of you.^{[8]
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- If he is a quiet person all the time, it may be hard to tell this way. Look for other ways to know if he likes you too.
2
Think about whether or not he seems nervous around you. When you’re around does he avoid looking directly at you? Is he sweating? Is he defensive if someone teases him? If he is not normally like this, but seems to be when you’re around he may be worried about doing or saying the wrong thing in front of you, especially if he is shy.^{[9]
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- If a boy likes you, he’s more likely to seem as though he is nervous or anxious when you are around. If he isn’t really in to you, he will be more stand-offish.
3
Read his body language. A shy guy is likely to be fidgeting with his hair or his clothes when you are around or he may cross his arms in front of his chest. Shy boys are more likely to feel nervous around their crush, so they may seem defensive, when in fact they are actually very interested.^{[10]
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- You may find that your shy boy often tries to be around you, but not really near to you. For example, he may find excuses to hang out with your group of friends, but he’ll always try to sit as far away from you as possible. Don’t take this as a sign that he doesn’t like you.
4
Think about his social media behavior. If you are friends on social media, think about how he treats you. Did he find you and friend you? Is he constantly liking everything you post? If so, there’s a pretty good chance he is interested in you, but hasn’t gotten up the courage to do anything about it.^{[11]
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- You can also try to hint to him that you’re interested by friending him (if you’re not already friends), and showing appreciation for his posts by liking them or making a comment. Don’t overdo it though! You don’t need to like every single thing he posts, rather just a few to show him that you are paying attention.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if a shy guy likes you secretly?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

Two of the common signs of attraction are frequent eye contact and light touching (brushing against your shoulder, hugging you for a long time, and stuff like that). Since they're shy, they may be nervous about doing these things with you. However, another common sign they like you is if they go out of their way to talk to you. If they text you a lot, sit down with you at lunch, or intentionally find ways to hang out around you, they probably like you.
Question

What do yo do when you are both super shy?

Community Answer

Get a friend to help you. You may also ask them out online, or by passing notes through friends, if you're too nervous to talk.

Warnings

Unless you’ve lost interest, don’t flirt with other boys. If a shy boy sees you flirting with another boy he is likely to assume that you don’t like him.

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Be prepared for the fact that he may not like you back. If he doesn’t like you back, remember that it isn’t the end of the world. Remember that there are lots and lots of other boys out there, many of whom will be interested in you.

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