Sext Your Ex-Boyfriend

Co-authored by John Keegan and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: January 9, 2023 References

Excited to pick up the phone and sext your ex? We'll help you out by telling you how to use the perfect timing and the best approach to totally woo your old flame. After we’ve covered that, we’ll give you a bunch of texts that are sure to entice your ex! Jump right in to fire up your former SO’s appetite with some spicy ideas.

Things You Should Know

Check in with yourself and your ex before sexting to establish boundaries and consent.
Connect over how taboo it is to sext after a breakup.
Reminisce about hot times you had when you were together.
Send a revealing selfie or video to amp things up.

Section 1 of 3:

Is it a good idea to sext my ex-boyfriend?

1
If you keep emotions out of the equation, sexting can be thrilling. When you and your ex are on the same page, then it’s less likely that either of you can get hurt. Once you’ve made it clear that neither of you want to revive a relationship that just didn’t work, you can probably let your imaginations go wild.^{[1]
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- If you’re going to try to escalate from sexts and start an in-person FWB situation, though, it’s ideal if you both establish new ground rules.
- In order to avoid getting emotionally exhausted, it’s best to be 100% certain that you don’t still have feelings for your ex.
2
If you want to get back together, sexts can rekindle things with your ex. A seductive message that reminds your ex of the sweetest and spiciest parts of the past can be powerful. Your tempting text may inspire them to start up a romance all over again and explore the new adventures you two can get into.^{[2]
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- If your former SO is also feeling sentimental, it's fine to go down memory lane.
- Discuss whether you just want to flirt or if you actually want to give your relationship another go.
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3
If you or your ex need space to heal, it’s best to hold off on sexting. If one or both of you still are really sad about your old relationship, then suggestive messages will probably lead to heartache. Plus, if either of you are feeling withdrawal but want to move on, then sexts might make you really crave a connection that already ended.^{[3]
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- If you want to start swiping right on Tinder or go out on dates again, you might want to skip sexting your ex so you can give someone else your full attention.
- Also avoid sexting to "use" your former partner or get revenge. If you're motivated to "get back" at them, it's a sign you need to fully get over your ex.

Section 2 of 3:

How do I know if my ex-boyfriend would be down to sext?

Check in with your ex to see if sexting is okay or off-limits. Be clear and polite so your former partner can express what they’re comfortable with. Start off slow with a question like, “Is it okay to flirt with you?” If they say yes, then ask if sexting is appropriate. On the other hand, if they’re not interested, respect their choice.^{[4]
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- If your ex says they’re totally fine with sexts, then establish boundaries. For example, say, "Nice! So, what's fair game? Texts? Pics? Vids? Just want to be clear."
- If your ex doesn’t want to sext, thank them for advocating for themselves. Make a comment like, "I totally respect that. Thanks for letting me know. I'm fine just being friends."

Section 3 of 3:

How to Sext an Ex

1
If you both want to reminisce, share a hot memory. Bring up a special and intimate moment that still makes your heart race. As long as it’s full of excitement but doesn’t make either of you pine for an old romance, then you’re good to go.^{[5]
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- “Remember how we kept each other warm during that winter in Tahoe? 🔥”
- “That was the first time I’ve ever used cuffs. I’d love to try them on again…👮”
- “I can’t get our post-gym showers out of my mind. 😍 🧼"
2
If you both want to have fun, tease about how taboo it is to sext an ex. Have fun with how rebellious and unexpected it is to go down this road with an old flame. Feel free to play around with fantasies about how you “shouldn’t” be texting, but you’ll do it anyway because it’s so mouth-watering.
- “I know we shouldn’t be doing this, but I love how wrong it is…🤤”
- “What would all our friends think?! 😳 I don’t want to stop, though.”
- “This probably isn’t recommended after a breakup. Still, it's delicious. 🍭”
3
Feel free to be sappy if you two want to reboot your romance. If you both have been swapping texts about the good old days and want to give love another shot, add some sweetness to the mix. Fawn on your ex and talk about some tender moments you'd like to share with them.
- "I want to make you feel like royalty tonight. 👑 You deserve it."
- "I can't wait to look into your eyes again. 😍"
- "I'm so glad we're back in touch. You make my heart race."
4
Gush about how irresistible your ex is. Make them blush with a ton of compliments. Place a ton of emphasis on your physical attraction. When you dote on them with praise that’s focused on their appearance and incredible magnetism, then you’ll create a no-drama dynamic.
- “Your body is to die for. 🖤 I need to get my hands on it again.”
- “Not sure I’ll ever get you out of my mind. You’re hypnotic.”
- “You might be my ex, but you’re still a smokeshow. 🤷🏽‍♂️”
5
Rave about your ex’s performance in bed. Steer the conversation toward their amazing “talents.” Reflect on all the special ways they wound you up and made you feel great. You’ll probably get a sparkling review right back. It’ll be a fun way to stroke each other’s egos and leave it at that.
- “I’ve never met anyone who has the techniques you do. Just…wow.”
- “You’ve got a magic touch. It’s left me spellbound. ✨”
- “You know every move to wind me up.”
6
Cut straight to the chase with a quick and dirty text. If you’ve both agreed to a no-strings-attached FWB arrangement, or at least discussed the possibility, then hit them with a sassy one-liner. If your ex is available, then you might just get lucky.^{[6]
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- “You up? 😈”
- “Hey, are you DTF?”
- “I’ve got nothing on and nowhere to go. 😏”
7
Make a playful comment about how fiery sex can be after a breakup. If you both understand each other’s sense of humor and think breakup sex is a hot idea, then crack a joke. Offer them a wild night and see if they’d like to let loose with you.
- “I think we’ve got a lot to ‘work out.’ 🛏️”
- “Why don’t we just let go of all the tension tonight? 😘”
- “Let’s go at each other like animals. No strings attached. ✂️”
8
Send a revealing selfie to rev up your ex’s appetite. If they said they were totally fine with more “graphic” content like pics and vids, then grab their attention with an NSFW text. Make sure it’s a good time for them, then make their jaw drop.^{[7]
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- “You left your shirt here…still want it?”
- “I’m home all alone in this sexy little set. Can you get me out of it?”
- “I’ve been hitting the gym every day. 🏋️ What do you think of the ‘progress’?”

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it wrong to sext with your ex?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It's wrong to sext your ex if you both have different expectations for the relationship. For example, it wouldn't be very nice to sext your ex if you knew that they wanted a committed and loving relationship while you were just looking for something sexual.