How to Secretly Tell Someone They Are Being Cheated on

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 2, 2022 References

When you find out that someone’s being cheated on, the last thing you want is to get swept up in the drama. Figuring out how to let someone know without them finding out who you are can help relieve your conscience without dragging you into any uncomfortable situations. In this article, we’ll help you decide whether or not you should tell someone they’re being cheated on and give you some clever ideas for how to do it anonymously.

Section 1 of 3:

Should I tell someone if they’re being cheated on?

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Deciding to tell is a personal choice that really depends on how well you know the person and the situation. If your close friend is being cheated on, telling them might be the right thing to do. After all, if you were in their position, you'd want a close friend to tell you too, right? On the other hand, if it's someone you don't know very well (or a total stranger), you might be more reluctant to say something. You may not know the whole situation and not want to get involved. Or, you might feel compelled to say something even if you don't know the person. It's up to you and what you feel is right (and would want if you were in their shoes).^{[1]
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Make sure you’re 100% certain that they’re being cheated on. If you’ve just heard a rumor or you think your friend is being cheated on by their partner, you need to make absolutely sure. Otherwise, you could be ruining a relationship that’s actually completely fine—and being accused of cheating is hard to come back from.^{[2]
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- If you aren’t totally positive that someone is getting cheated on, consider talking to the person who you think is cheating. You can give them a chance to either straighten things out or come clean to their partner on their own.

Section 2 of 3:

How to Anonymously Tell Someone They’re Being Cheated On

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Make a fake email address. If you have your friend’s email address, you can send them an anonymous message from a burner email. Create a fake email account that doesn’t use your name or any identifying information, like “Anonymous123@gmail.com.” Then, send your friend an email with details about the cheating and what’s going on.
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Create a fake social media account. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be used to send someone a direct message. Create an anonymous account that doesn’t use your real name, and keep the profile picture and the bio blank. Then, send the person a message letting them know that their partner is unfaithful.
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Send them an anonymous letter. Write out what’s going on in a note, then put your friend’s address on the envelope. Put a stamp on it, but don’t put a return address in the corner. When your friend gets the letter, they won’t know who it’s from, and your identity will be safe.
- If your friend might recognize your handwriting, consider typing and printing the letter instead.
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Call them from a blocked number. You can hide your phone number so that your caller ID remains anonymous. Simply type *67, then your friend’s number right after it. When you call them, your name won’t show up, and you can tell them the message anonymously.
- Keep in mind that if the person you’re talking to can recognize your voice, they might figure out that it’s you.
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Send an anonymous text via email. If you know the person’s phone carrier (like Verizon, AT&T, etc.), you can send them a text message from a fake email address. Create an email that doesn’t contain any identifying information, then figure out what phone carrier your friend has. Take their phone number and put it in the “To” box of the email, then add in the carrier domain. For instance, if your friend’s number was 502-555-6678 and their carrier was Verizon, you would type, “5025556678@vtext.com.” Common carriers include:^{[3]
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- AT&T – @txt.att.net (SMS), @mms.att.net (MMS)
- Verizon – @vtext.com (SMS), @vzwpix.com (MMS)
- T-Mobile – @tmomail.net
- Sprint – @messaging.sprintpcs.com
- Alltel – @message.alltel.com
- Boost Mobile – @myboostmobile.com
- Cricket – @sms.mycricket.com, @mms.mycricket.com
- Metro PCS – @mymetropcs.com
- Nextel – @messaging.nextel.com
- SunCom – @tms.suncom.com
- US Cellular – @email.uscc.net
- VoiceStream – @voicestream.net
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Try an anonymous message service. Apps like Signal, Text Me Up, and Phoner will block your number so that you can send anonymous texts. Download the apps or log on online, then enter in your friend’s phone number. They’ll get an anonymous text detailing what you know, and they’ll never find out that it was you.^{[4]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Tell Someone They’re Being Cheated on in Person

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Consider telling them face-to-face. Sending an anonymous note is fine, but telling someone that they’re getting cheated on is not an easy task. If you know this person well or you care about them, consider contacting them and meeting up in-person. That way, they can ask you questions about what you know and you can explain things a little better for clarity.^{[5]
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Stick to the facts. Tell them what you know, and try not to embellish or overstate anything. You want to tell them exactly what you saw or heard, but nothing else. If you have any proof, feel free to include that as well.^{[6]
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- For instance, you might say, “Jeremy, I saw your wife out at a bar with another man. It didn’t look platonic, and at one point I saw them kissing. I thought you should know.”
- Or, “I’m so sorry to say this, but I saw your husband comment on another woman’s Instagram photo. When I looked at her profile, I saw pictures of them together on vacation.”
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Be as kind as you can. Hearing that your partner is cheating on you is never a welcome thing. When you tell them, add in things like “I’m so sorry,” and, “I understand this is hard to hear.” It may help soften the blow, at least a little bit.^{[7]
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Try not to tell them what to do. You might assume that they want to break up with their partner, but you never know. Just tell them what happened, and don’t tell them what to do next. They’ll figure out how they’d like to handle things, so let them work through it on their own.
- In some cases, couples can have a healthy, productive conversation about what was missing in the relationship, and can come up with a plan on how to change things.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}