How to Respond to a Homophobic Comment

Last Updated: October 22, 2021

Anti-gay comments can be hurtful and alienating, especially to any LGBTQ+ people in the vicinity. Whether you're LGBTQ+ or just a good person, you may feel at a loss about how to respond to such inappropriate remarks. Homophobic comments are very common, especially on the internet. Here are some things you can say.

Steps

1
Recognize that disapproval, not logic, is your best tool here. If you give them a logical argument, then they'll start trying to look for holes in your argument and suck you into a debate about logic. If you show them disapproval, however, it's hard for them to argue without looking like a jerk.
2
Ask or tell them to knock it off. Anti-gay and anti-LGBT+ comments are unacceptable behavior, and you can treat them accordingly. Calmly and firmly let them know they have crossed a line. Here are some options:
- "We don't talk that way around here."
- "You need to stop."
- "That's enough."
- "Not cool, man."
- "Really?"
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3
Consider mentioning your personal connection to LGBT+ identity, if you so choose. When the person realizes that real human beings are involved, they may think twice about speaking carelessly.
- "My sister is lesbian. She's one of the kindest, most virtuous people I know."
- "You know I'm bisexual, right?"
- "My son is gay, and I don't appreciate you talking about him and his friends that way."
- "My best friend is trans and he is the most wholesome person I know."
4
Give the person a chance to backtrack and apologize. Once it's been pointed out that their remark was inappropriate, they may get flustered and they may say they're sorry. Expect them to fumble over their words. Accept their discomfort, and allow the conversation to move on. Assume that they've learned from their mistake.
5
Show cold disapproval to a repeat offender. If the person doubles down, or refuses to learn from their mistakes, make it clear to them just how awkward they've made the situation. Give them a chilly stare, and say something to briefly let them know that they've crossed a line.
- "No."
- "Wow, okay then."
- "Seriously?"
- "Really?"
6
Walk away from a hater. If the person starts going on a diatribe and refusing to care about how unacceptable their behavior is, don't argue. (In some cases, they might be attention-seeking, so don't give them attention.) Walk away. You may choose to end it with a comment like this:
- "Your behavior is making me reconsider our friendship."
- "I'm not interested."
- "If you're going to continue behaving this way, I'm going to leave."
- "Obviously we can't have a productive conversation. I'll see you later."
- "Dad, if this is what happens when I visit you, then I'm going to start rethinking how often I stop by. Especially because I don't want my daughter hearing this."
- "Goodbye."

Warnings

Don't start a debate with a homophobe. Some homophobes are determined to be a jerk, and it'll only aggravate you. Instead, show your disapproval and walk away.

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Some homophobes go to public places, wave signs, and try to make people angry at them. They want a fight, so don't give them one. Instead, deny them the attention they're desperate for, and pretend you don't even see them.

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