How to Read an Ex's Body Language

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 5, 2021 References

Ever wanted to know what your ex was feeling when you meet again? It may be awkward to see your ex after a break-up. Body language can help to identify what they may be feeling. While your ex may not know what to say, or how to talk about feelings, you can better understand what they are thinking by reading their face and body.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Reading their Face

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Study their smile. A genuine smile is a good indicator that they are happy to see you. When there is an "eye twinkle" involved, this may be a smile in which the whole face, even their eyes, are engaged with you.^{[1]
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Research source} On the other hand, a fake smile, such as a plastered, half-grin that lasts more than 5 seconds, likely indicates disinterest.^{[2]
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2
Notice any frowns that your ex makes. If your ex frowns when you speak, they might not want anything to do with you. A frown is a clear indication that they disagree, possibly with what you are saying or doing. Consider asking for clarification if you are confused about why they are frowning. Otherwise, keep the conversation short.

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3
See if they avoid eye contact. While some people may avoid eye contact due to shyness, if this is an ex that you've been dating, or been with for a long time, shyness may be less of a factor, than disinterest. Avoiding eye contact may indicate lack of interest, avoidance, denial, or awkwardness. If you try to have an honest conversation with you ex, but he or she continues to be fidgety and avoiding your gaze, your ex may not be ready to talk with you yet.^{[3]
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- Conversely, if they are engaged when talking with you, and maintaining good eye contact, then they may be happy to have a conversation, particular if other body parts and their smile are engaged.
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Check if their eye brows are raised. If the eye brows are raised high, this may be a sign of discomfort or disagreement. This would often happen along with a grimace, or a possibly a frown.^{[4]
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- If one eye brow is raised and the other not, this may be sign of confusion or disagreement. Consider asking if there is something confusing about what was said. But beware, you don't want to just start another argument with your ex, so it's best to not force anything.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Reading the Arms and Posture

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Observe if your ex's arms are crossed, or relaxed. If their arms are crossed while you talk, this is a sign of frustration, anger, or nervousness. They may not yet be open to having a conversation. Consider changing the direction of the conversation if your ex appears to be impatient, and continues to keep their arms crossed. Or, consider talking at a later point.
- If your ex's arms appear relaxed, and not stiff, this is a good sign. When their shoulder and arm muscles appear less tense, your ex may see you as a calming presence, rather than as a source of stress.
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Notice if they lean in, or pull back, when you are talking. If your ex appears to be leaning in, or moving their body closer, this is sign that they are engaged and interested in talking with you. If they are moving in closer than an arm's length from you, they may be wanting to create (or recreate) greater intimacy with you.^{[5]
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- If they are pulling back, it's the opposite effect. They have disengaged with what you're saying, and are trying to create physical (and emotional) distance. This is a sign to back off, and perhaps talk another time.
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Notice if they are touching their hair, or fidgeting with their hands. If your ex is touching or putting their hands through their hair repeatedly, this may mean a sign of attraction. Touching hair or body parts that are sensitive to touch, like ears, are signs of attraction. They are thinking about you, even when you're not around.
- Be aware that sometimes hair touching is just a nervous habit, that may be nothing to do with you, and is a subconscious way to relieve stress.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Reading the Legs and Feet

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Note the direction their toes are pointing. If your ex's toes are facing your toes and body, this is a sign of affection. Your ex may be still interested in you, or at least willing to be friendly and open to talking. This is a good sign.
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Check if their legs or feet are restless, and appear to be tapping. Restless legs such as shaking, or foot tapping, are generally related to nervousness, impatience, or readiness to move on to something else. Foot tapping shows that your ex is ready to get going, not matter if you two spoke for a brief or long time. They may be nervous about seeing you again, or feel uncomfortable.^{[6]
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- If your ex's feet appear uneasy, your ex is likely uneasy. Don't force your ex into a conversation, but if there is a way to relieve anxiety and awkwardness by talking about something you both enjoy, feel free to try. See if he or she calms down; otherwise, possibly talk another time.
- Conversely, if your ex appears to want touch you feet with their feet, this is a strong sign of attraction, and they are eager to be with you. Think clearly about if this is what you want too.
3
Notice if their feet and knees are facing you. If their feet and knees immediately turn away from you, this may mean they don't want to talk with you, even if their face doesn't give anything away. Feet can be more honest than a facial expression about whether you're talking with someone who dislikes you.^{[7]
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- If their feet are planted strong and solid, they may be showing, or trying to show, confidence.

Warnings

This is not a guide about how to get your ex back, but rather a way to understand better if your ex is even interested in talking with you. Just because your ex is willing to sit and talk with you, doesn't necessarily mean that you are friends, or even getting back together.

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Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment when your ex's body language is clearly indicating something. Your ex may have a different feeling about how to move forward than you.

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