How to Overcome a Midlife Crisis

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 1, 2021 References Approved

A midlife crisis can lead to growth or destruction. While it’s normal to want to make changes as you age, choose things that encourage you to grow positively and don’t end in ruin. Don’t brush off your feelings, deal with them in an appropriate way instead. If you’re experiencing problems, recognize that money won’t solve them. Instead, ask for advice and think about your options.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Dealing with Your Problems

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Determine if a midlife crisis is the problem. Before you begin treating the problems you are having like a midlife crisis, it is a good idea to determine if that is what you are facing. You may want to talk with a therapist to ensure that you are not dealing with a different issue. Keep in mind that a midlife crisis may look different for men than for women. Also, a common crisis married couples go through is when their children leave home or go off to college.
- Men may feel the need to make sudden or drastic changes in their lives, such as by changing careers, separating from or divorcing their spouse, or moving to a new city.^{[1]
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- Women may experience a drop in their motivation to pursue advancement in a career or they may question the reasons why they are doing certain things, such as working towards career advancement.^{[2]
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- Sometimes, what you may think is a midlife crisis is actually a stage of psychosocial development called generativity vs. stagnation. Getting involved with young people by volunteering or mentoring can help you work through these issues. To learn more, go to https://www.verywell.com/generativity-versus-stagnation-2795734.
2
Face your problems. You might come to a point in your life when you notice lots of problems around you. Perhaps you feel stuck in your marriage, want a different job, and want a fresh start somewhere else. While you might feel these things, you don’t have to act on them. If you feel like running from your problems, try working through them first. Think about what specifically is making you unhappy, then try to create solutions around that.^{[3]
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- For example, if you feel unhappy in your marriage, keep in mind that changes often occur in a partnership and you may be able to work through it. Consider seeing a therapist or talking to your spouse about creating solutions.
- Make sure that you are on the lookout for any thoughts of hopelessness. If you notice anything like this, then make sure to use positive self-talk to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
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Find new goals. You might have large aspirations and goals that may not be realistic. While you may need to give up your dreams in some areas, create goals in others. Maybe you never got your book published or achieved fame, but you’ve had a fulfilling life in other ways. You won’t reach your childhood dream of being an astronaut, but you can achieve other dreams.
- Create financial, family, romantic, career, and health goals. For example, aim to finish a marathon or completing a silent meditation retreat.
- Make sure that you do not compare yourself to other people. If you find that you are doing this, then try taking a break from social media to avoid seeing what other people are up to.
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Appreciate the life you have. Accept that you are an adult and have responsibilities. Instead of resenting your roles and responsibilities, find what you can be grateful for in your life. For example, if you envy your children’s carefree lives while you work tirelessly at a job you don’t enjoy, remember that you play a vital role in their lives and are blessed to have a job.^{[4]
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- Instead of seeing things as burdens, see them as gifts that contribute to the life you’ve created and that you’re creating. Keep in mind that there are people who desperately want, pray for, and need the things that you may see as burdens.
- Start a gratitude journal to get into a regular habit of practicing thankfulness.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Making Big Decisions

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Make informed choices. If you think making a drastic decision is the only way out or the only thing that will make you happy, think again. You likely have more than 1 option to choose from. For example, if you’re unhappy at your job, consider shifting positions, working at another branch, or asking to move up in your company. While it can be fun to make impulsive decisions, don’t let them rule your life. Gather information and examine your choices first.^{[5]
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- If you feel like buying fancy things is the only way you experience happiness, find other ways to feel fulfilled, like growing a garden or learning how to dance. Get into the habit of waiting 24 to 48 hours before buying items that you suddenly want.
- Carefully and thoughtfully consider your options before moving forward. You don’t have to make drastic choices to be happy. Try to give yourself a few months to think about making a big change, such as changing careers or moving to a new city.
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Get some advice. If you feel ready to make some big decisions, seek some wise counsel from someone you trust. This might be a parent, friend, therapist, or spiritual leader. Listen to what they have to say, even if you don’t like it. They may share some perspectives you haven’t considered.^{[6]
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- If you’re planning to quit your job, leave your spouse, or make a big purchase, talk it over before going through with it.
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Move forward, not backward. Many people who hit mid-life think that turning back the clock is the answer to moving ahead. While acting young, looking young, and dating young people might feel good for a few moments, it won’t solve your problems. You may postpone feelings of confusion but they will likely not go away. No amount of fancy things or nice cars will actually turn back the clock. It’s best to acknowledge your age and be okay with it.^{[7]
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- For example, if you’ve put your worth into your looks all your life, try to find worth in yourself in other more enduring ways, like your kindness and generosity. Everybody ages and gets older, it only matters how you handle it and grow from it.
- However, keep in mind that it is okay to invest in your appearance in healthy, non-invasive ways, such as by getting a personal trainer to work on your physique or getting your hair and makeup done professionally. This can be great for your self-esteem.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Coping with Stress

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Spend some time alone. If your life has been taken over by taking care of kids, pleasing your boss or co-workers, and being a loving and dutiful spouse or parent, you may need some time just for yourself. Set aside some time each day you can spend alone. Allow your mind to wander and reflect on how you are doing. Give yourself some space to think, feel, and live on your own terms.
- Go on a walk, spend some time in nature, or meditate.
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Nurture your friendships. Spending time with your friends can also be a helpful way to cope with stress. Set aside some time each week to meet up with a friend and catch up, such as going for a walk or getting a cup of coffee together. Just make sure that the people you are spending time with are healthy for you to spend time around, and are not people who you feel uncomfortable around.
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Relax. Especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed with being in this phase of life, start dealing with stress effectively. Doing daily relaxation exercises or practices can help you find calm and cope with stress as it arises instead of letting it build up. Take some time and give yourself some nourishment.^{[8]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Aim to do some relaxation every day for 30 minutes. You might try yoga, qi gong, or meditation.
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Avoid turning to alcohol and drugs. It might seem fun or exciting to engage in drugs or drink alcohol in this stage of life. You may feel like there is less to lose or want some new experiences that excite you. Yet, drugs and alcohol are not fulfilling and can hurt you or even ruin your life, such as by causing you to lose your job, lose the respect of those around you, get separated or divorced, or have health problems. If you’re experiencing stress or financial difficulty, turn to healthy coping instead of drugs or alcohol.^{[9]
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National Institute on Drug Abuse
Agency in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services devoted to researching drug and drug abuse and educating the public
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- If you have a problem with drugs or alcohol, seek help and find treatment. Attend inpatient or outpatient treatment, go to a sober living facility, and get clean.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Handling Your Emotions

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Work through depression and anxiety. Some people feel anxious or depressed around mid-life. Perhaps you feel sad about not accomplishing your goals or having a different life than you expected. You might also begin to feel anxious about the changes you experience physically and impending old age and death. Don’t ignore your feelings or brush them off. Acknowledge how you feel and don’t be afraid to get help.^{[10]
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- Identify symptoms of depression and anxiety and get help if you need it.
2
Journal. Consider keeping a journal, or an autobiography of sorts. Writing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you reflect on the kind of life you’ve led and the kind of life you want. Keeping a journal can also help you maintain perspective and see situations and events from multiple standpoints.
- Writing about your life can help you gain some perspective about your choices and what you’ve learned from them. Even if your life isn’t what you wished it was, you can reflect on all the ways you’ve grown as result of your experiences.
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See a therapist. Choose a therapist who will help you move through the process of your crisis, not end it as quickly as possible. Work toward a rediscovery of who you are and what you want. Be open and honest and allow yourself to express your thoughts and emotions while in therapy.
- Find a therapist by contacting your insurance provider or a local mental health clinic. You can also ask for a recommendation from a physician, friend, or family member.