7 Friendship Myths Debunked

Friendship is one of those things that a lot of people take for granted and don’t think too deeply about. Sometimes, it feels like friendships form out of nowhere, while other times it seems like friendship is something you have to actively work at. The whole process can be very mysterious, and there are a lot of common myths out there about friendship as a result. Luckily, we’ve taken the time to debunk some of these common myths for you!

1

Myth: The more friends, the better.

  1. Image titled Myths About Friendship Step 1
    Fact: Quality matters more than quantity. If you had to choose between having 10 friends you kind of got along with or 5 really good friends, you’d probably be happier off with the 5 really good friends. While it’s certainly important to have multiple friends, it isn’t just the number of friends that you have that has the biggest impact on your satisfaction or comfort.[1] [2]
    • When you get stressed, your body releases a hormone called cortisol. Studies have shown that when you don’t have friends, or the quality of your friendships is poor, your cortisol levels rise.[3] However, the other end of the spectrum has the same problem. Studies have shown people with too many friends actually experience the same thing! It may just be super stressful trying to maintain all of those relationships, so it isn’t just about the number.[4]
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2

Myth: Real friendships are forever.

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    Fact: Friends can change and drift away, but that’s totally normal. Sometimes friendships fade over time, and that's okay! That doesn't mean they were never real or important. There are also “situational” friends who are only in someone’s life for a period of time when they work or live in a certain location, and those relationships can be super valuable, even if they’re only temporary.[5]
3

Myth: Straight men and women can’t just be friends.

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    Fact: This is definitely false; mixed-gender friendships exist. There are tons of straight men and women out there who are platonic friends. It’s also perfectly possible for someone to find another person attractive and still be platonic friends with them. It’s not like that automatically discounts a friendship from existing.[6]
    • Scientific studies have provided some evidence that in male-female relationships, men are much more likely than women to be open to the possibility of dating their opposite-sex friend. That doesn’t mean they aren’t friends in the first place, though.[7]
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4

Myth: Everyone needs a best friend.

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    Fact: It’s nice to have a single best friend, but it isn’t mandatory. Some people don’t think about friendship like this, and they don’t sort their friends into different groups or tiers. Other people feel kind of boxed in by having a single “best” friend, and they don’t particularly like that kind of commitment. No matter the reason, there are plenty of people out there who don’t feel like there’s any one friend at the top of their social pyramid, and that’s perfectly okay![8]
    • If you want a best friend, that’s great! You just shouldn't feel bad or pressured into having one if you don't want one.
5

Myth: A good friend will never let you down.

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    Fact: Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including your friends. Nobody is perfect. But just because someone disappoints you, it doesn’t mean that they’re a bad friend or person. People make mistakes sometimes, and it’s okay so long as they own up to it and apologize. If someone isn’t intentionally going out of their way to hurt you, you don't have to hold it against them.[9]
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6

Myth: True friendships always happen organically.

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    Fact: Making friends requires effort sometimes! There may be times where you meet someone and the two of you just click immediately. But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes you have to go out of your way to try and connect with people. This could mean that you’ll need to find the strength and courage to talk to someone new, or sign up for a club or sport where you can meet new people. And then, you need to put the work in to make time for your new friends![10]
7

Myth: There’s something wrong with you if you have no friends.

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    Fact: Some people are perfectly happy to have no friends. People come in all shapes and sizes. Some people feel empty if they aren’t always surrounded by people, but some people feel more fulfilled if they don’t have to worry about maintaining those relationships! Some people just aren’t compelled to pursue a bunch of friendships, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.[11]
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References

  1. ↑ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0208083
  2. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26514598/
  3. ↑ https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-10/sfri-fma101911.php
  4. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453015009385
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201706/not-all-friendships-last-forever
  6. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2016/11/12/500733094/can-men-and-women-be-friends-without-benefits
  7. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/
  8. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/43j7x9/young-people-loneliness-no-best-friend-feature
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201606/9-questions-you-have-ask-when-someone-lets-you-down
  1. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/i-hired-friendship-coach-help-me-make-friends-here-s-ncna1141571
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/comparatively-speaking/201905/why-you-dont-need-friends

About This Article

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Co-authored by:
Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California. This article has been viewed 8,945 times.
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Co-authors: 8
Updated: March 8, 2023
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Categories: Friends
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