How to Move on After Being Dumped by Your Girlfriend

Written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D | Edited by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 21, 2022

When you get dumped unexpectedly, it can feel like a punch to the gut. With all of these emotions and negative feelings brewing, moving on might seem like a faraway goal. Thankfully, there are concrete steps you can take right now to improve your mental health and start the healing process. Read through this article to lift yourself up after a breakup and start on the road forward again.

This article is based on an interview with our clinical psychologist, Lena Dicken. Check out the full interview here.

1

Go no contact with your ex.

Not talking to her will help you move on faster. It can be tough to break contact with someone you were in a relationship with, but it’s the best thing you can do for your mental health. Don’t call, text, or message her if you can help it—otherwise, it could delay your healing process.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Even if you want to continue the relationship, you need to respect her wishes. Begging and pleading with her probably won’t work, and you’ll only make it harder for yourself to move on.
- You might want to block her number or unfollow her on social media, at least for a little while. That way, you won’t be tempted to reach out.

2

Feel all of your feelings.

Give yourself time to process whatever you need to. After a breakup, it can be easy to shove all of your emotions down and avoid dealing with them. However, try to work through them as best as you can—you might cry or yell, both of which are acceptable.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- Breakups can often cause a grieving process that’s similar to losing someone you love.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lena Dicken, Psy.D
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}

3

Let go of your unanswered questions.

You might never get closure on your relationship, and that’s okay. If your girlfriend dumped you and you still aren’t quite sure why, it can be tough to move on. However, try to let go of the unknown and focus on the future—otherwise, you could get stuck in the past.^{[4]
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Research source}
- There will always be things you’re unsure about, and the specifics of why you got dumped might just be one of them. It might take some time, but eventually, you can learn to be okay with that.

4

Don’t blame yourself.

Dumping you means that your girlfriend wasn’t willing to work things out. Relationships take two people to make them work. If your girlfriend wasn’t willing to work things out with you, that’s not your fault. Often, we think that if we had just been a better partner or paid a little more attention, we wouldn’t have gotten broken up with. However, that’s rarely the case—if you were blindsided by this decision, there’s probably nothing you could have done to prevent it.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}
- Try reframing any self-blaming thoughts that you have. For instance, instead of thinking, “I wish I had been a better partner,” try, “I was the best partner I could have been. We broke up because we weren’t meant to be together.”

5

Talk about how you’re feeling with others.

Vent to your close friends about what you’re going through. Bottling up your emotions can make them harder to process, and it might make you feel lonelier, too. Reach out to your loved ones and tell them what you’re dealing with.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you don’t feel like talking to anyone right now, try keeping a journal about your emotions instead.

6

Try not to talk badly about your ex.

Talking behind her back will only backfire on you. It can be tempting to vent to friends about your ex, especially if she dumped you out of the blue. However, doing that could prolong your heartbreak, and it might even make her resent you. Keep your negative feelings to yourself so that you can move on with grace.^{[7]
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Research source}
- If you do need to talk about your ex, do so with a loved one who you can trust. Ask them not to repeat what you say to anyone else so that it doesn’t get spread around.

7

Create a daily routine.

Make yourself get up, exercise, and eat healthy meals. It’s tempting to spend all day in bed watching TV or eating ice cream after a breakup, but that can actually make you feel worse. Instead, try to wake up around the same time every day, get 8 hours of sleep, and eat 3 healthy, balanced meals.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}
- If you need to, spend a day (or two) sitting on the couch doing nothing. Then, pick yourself back up and get into your routine again.

8

Practice self-care.

Do one nice thing for yourself every single day. A little bit of kindness goes a long way, especially when you’re feeling down. Try making yourself a nice cup of coffee, going on a nature walk, listening to music, or reading a good book for a little pick-me-up.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}
- You could also soak in a bubble bath, paint your nails, play with a pet, or go shopping.
- Self-care looks different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to try a few things before finding something that sticks.

9

Treat yourself with kindness.

Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a best friend. After a breakup, it’s easy to get down on ourselves or think that we aren’t worthy of love. Keep in mind that getting broken up with doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means that you two weren’t right for each other.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}
- For instance, you wouldn’t tell a friend, “You’re not good enough.” Instead, you’d tell them, “This doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. It just means that there’s someone else out there for you.”

10

Spend time with people that care about you.

Distract yourself with your loved ones. Instead of isolating yourself after a breakup, make an effort to reach out to people. You don’t even have to talk about the breakup if you don’t want to—instead, help them keep your mind off of things by going out and doing something fun together.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- It’s natural to shy away from people right after a breakup, but try not to do it for too long. Keeping to yourself for a long time can delay your healing process.

11

Try not to cope with alcohol.

While it might seem like a good idea, alcohol can prolong heartbreak. Stuffing down your feelings with alcohol could prevent you from moving on. Try not to use alcohol instead of dealing with your feelings, since you’ll have to confront them sooner or later.^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Getting drunk also lowers your inhibitions, which could lead to you reaching out to your ex (which is the last thing you want to do right now).
- Stay away from drugs or other negative coping mechanisms, like sleeping too much or trying dangerous activities.

12

Be single for a while.

Let yourself heal before jumping back into the dating world. You probably aren’t ready to start a relationship with someone else, and that’s okay. Before you decide to put yourself out there again, give yourself some time just to be on your own. You can focus on yourself much easier that way, and you won’t have to rush into anything with anyone.^{[13]
X
Expert Source

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.}

13

Look forward to new relationships.

Remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Even if it seems impossible now, time will help you move on, and it will lessen the impact of your feelings. Keep looking ahead at the future, and remind yourself that you’re going to find someone who loves you for you.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}