11+ Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Realize Your Importance and Worth

Co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 25, 2021 References

When you first started dating your boyfriend, he probably treated you like royalty. After some time, though, it can start to feel like he doesn’t appreciate you as much as he used to. Maybe he ignores you more than he used to, or maybe he's taking you for granted, even though he doesn't mean to. In this article, we’ve detailed some ways that you can get your boyfriend’s attention again, along with a few ways you can strengthen your relationship as a couple.

1

Let him make time for you.

If you’re always on his schedule, let him plan around you instead. Don’t cancel plans with your friends or rush to get your work done so you two can hang out. Instead, tell him your schedule for the week, and then let him figure out when you two can hang. If he has to rearrange his life a little bit for you instead of the other way around, he’s going to appreciate just how much effort you’ve been putting into the relationship so far.^{[1]
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- The same thing goes for texts and calls, too. If you feel like you’re always reaching out first, let him do it for once. He might just realize that he’s been slacking a bit in his communication efforts.

2

Stop doing favors for him.

He might feel like you’re obligated to do things for him. If that’s the case, take a week off. Don’t cook for him, don’t do his laundry, and don’t remind him about his appointments. When he confronts you about it, say something like, “Oh, that slipped my mind. I thought you were going to take care of that since it’s your responsibility.”^{[2]
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- It’s fine to do favors for your partner every once in a while. It only becomes an issue when your boyfriend starts to expect (or even demand) them from you.

3

Go out with your friends.

Let him see just how much fun you’re having! Go out to eat or have a fun afternoon with your friends. If your boyfriend asks what you’re doing, tell him that you’re going out, and he probably won’t be able to reach you for a while. He’ll most likely wonder where you are and who you’re with, and he’ll realize just how many other people you have in your life.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. Thursday, September 30, 2021.}
- Another good way to work your plans into conversation is by telling him you’re too busy to hang out. When he asks why, you can tell him that you’re hitting up a new bar or club with a group of friends.

4

Post some pics on social media.

Your BF will get to scroll through your socials and see you having fun. This will help him realize how fun you are (and how hot you are, too). He’ll probably regret that he didn’t take you out or put more of an effort into date night, which can motivate him to plan something fun in the future.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. Thursday, September 30, 2021.}
- You could also send him a few Snapchats or even text him some pics from the night.

5

Give yourself a makeover.

Make some changes in your appearance to draw attention to yourself. Color your hair, try out some new makeup (if you wear it), or go on a shopping spree. When you spend time on yourself, your boyfriend is sure to notice, and he might just remember why he was attracted to you in the first place.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. Thursday, September 30, 2021.}
- You don’t have to do anything drastic or even expensive. You can find tons of new wardrobe pieces for fairly cheap at your local thrift stores.

6

Flirt with other guys.

This can be a little risky, so use this technique with caution. If you’re out with your BF and he’s not really paying any attention to you, try going up to another guy and getting a little flirty. When your boyfriend notices, he might just be reminded that other guys are attracted to you, too.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. Thursday, September 30, 2021.}
- If your boyfriend has jealousy issues that you’ve talked about in the past, this probably isn’t the best option for you. Flirting with other people can be a deal breaker for some, and it’s not worth risking your relationship over.

7

Dive into your hobbies.

What are some things you liked to do when you were single? Spend time and effort on those instead of putting them on the backburner.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. Thursday, September 30, 2021.} When you tell your boyfriend about all the cool stuff that you’re doing, he’ll be reminded about just how awesome you are.
- If you don’t have any major hobbies that you’re into now, try something new! What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t make the time for? Now’s your chance to test it out.

8

Go out on dates together.

If your boyfriend has been neglecting you, gently remind him about dates. Ask him to take you out to a nice dinner, or plan a fun afternoon for the both of you.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Use the time together to reconnect, and remind yourselves why you got together in the first place. Over time, you two can grow closer together and value each other like you did in the beginning of the relationship.^{[9]
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- You could even make date nights a fun thing that you implement every week! Try switching back and forth between who plans them; that way, no one feels left out or like they’re taking on all the work.

9

Talk about how you’re feeling.

Tell your boyfriend that you’re feeling a little underappreciated. It’s normal to fall into a bit of a routine in long-term relationships, and chances are, your boyfriend doesn’t even know that you’ve been feeling neglected or taken advantage of lately. If these methods aren’t working or you want to open up a dialogue, sit down with your boyfriend and talk things out together.^{[10]
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- For instance, you might say, “I’m not sure if you realize it, but I do a lot for you in this relationship. Lately, I’ve been feeling like you don’t really appreciate it, and it’s getting me down.”

10

Work on your relationship together.

You and your boyfriend can work as a team to make you feel better. If you tell him that you're feeling underappreciated, let him know a few things he can do to fix that. Maybe ask him to take you out once a week or give you compliments when he notices that you look good. Then, you can check in about how you're both feeling to make sure you're on the right track.^{[11]
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- In some cases, people will put less effort into their relationship because there's an issue they aren't addressing. Ask your boyfriend if there's anything he wants to talk about, and if there is, try to work through those problems together.

11

End the relationship if your boyfriend can’t change.

Unfortunately, there may come a point when it’s time to break up. If you and your boyfriend have talked about how you’re feeling (maybe even multiple times) and he’s still not able to change, it could spell disaster. You don’t need to make any rash decisions, but it’s something to think about—when one partner refuses to work on the relationship, the other partner is only going to get more and more resentful.^{[12]
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- If you’re in a long-term relationship, consider seeing a couple’s counselor. They can help you articulate your feelings and express what you need to your boyfriend.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I keep my boyfriend interested in me?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

The wording of this question is concerning because it implies that a boyfriend should lose interest, which in turn implies that the attraction was based on shallow qualities. My advice is to build the relationship from a deeper place. I am not discounting the value of physical attraction, because physical attraction is definitely an important part of the picture, I am merely telling you to make sure you are also bonded in other meaningful ways. For some people, their partner is the only person in the world who knows their story, think about how special that is and how unreplaceable you are to your partner. Another lasting bond would be working towards a common dream. As you two grew closer and learned of each other's dreams, the more you two integrate your efforts and direction, the stronger your bond will become.