If your boyfriend is feeling blue, figuring out exactly what he needs can be tough. You might want to do everything you can to support him, but knowing what to do and how to do it isn’t always easy. Thankfully, while everyone's a little different, there are some tried and true methods you can use to bring a smile back to your boyfriend’s face.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Listen to him.

  1. Sometimes when you’re sad, a listening ear is all you need. If your boyfriend is feeling bad and he wants to talk about it, sit down with him and let him unburden himself. Try not to interrupt, and ask follow-up questions so he can keep talking.[1] You can offer a few words of encouragement, too.[2]
    • For instance, you might ask something like, “How did that make you feel?” or, “Is that why you’re upset?”
    • Try not to immediately go into “fix it” mode, when you try to give your boyfriend advice or fix his problems. This can make people feel like you aren’t actually hearing what they’re saying.
    • If he isn't talking about it, try asking him if he wants to talk, and ask if something is upsetting him or making him uncomfortable.[3]
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3

Ask him what he needs.

  1. Instead of making assumptions, ask your boyfriend what would help. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what people need when they’re sad, especially if it’s a newer relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend what he’d like you to do—the answer might surprise you.[5]
    • You might say something like, “I want to support you here. What can I do to make you feel better?”
    • You can also take his love language into account. For instance, if your boyfriend likes getting gifts, you could buy him something small. If he craves physical touch, you could simply give him a hug.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What does a man want in a woman?
    John Keegan
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Remember that men are, in many ways, more sensitive than women. You can bet that your partner wants to feel heard and understood. That doesn't mean you have to always agree or go along, but you should listen to him and let him be his own person.
  • Question
    How do I make my relationship not boring?
    John Keegan
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you want to avoid boredom in your relationship, try having a proper physical relationship where you both are feeling touched, kissed and all that stuff! Don’t let the fire burn out! It's all in the little things.
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References

  1. Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
  2. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
  3. Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
  4. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
  5. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.
  6. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202012/when-your-partner-needs-space-and-you-crave-closeness
  7. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
  8. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
  9. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.

About This Article

Laura Bilotta
Written by:
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
This article was written by Laura Bilotta and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms. This article has been viewed 91,209 times.
25 votes - 84%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: March 10, 2023
Views: 91,209
Categories: Relationships
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