11+ Signs the No-Contact Rule Is Working After Your Breakup

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: January 30, 2022 References

We all go through breakups in our life, but if this breakup was particularly tough, you might have instituted the no contact rule. While this rule might be able to help you get your ex back, it can also speed up your healing process and allow you to process your emotions. But how are you going to be able to tell the rule is working if you aren’t contacting your ex? We’ve compiled a list of surefire signs that the no contact rule is working (and why it works so well).

1

Your ex tries to text or call you.

It might take a few weeks, but this could happen if you go no contact. Your ex will probably sit back and think, “Hmm… I haven’t heard from them in a while.” When they realize that you’re not trying to reach out at all, they’ll get worried, and maybe even a little confused. They’ll probably try sending you a text or even giving you a call, just to see how you’re doing.^{[1]
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- This is a good sign, but don’t give in yet! It’s important to hold off on responding to anything your ex says or does until the no contact period is up.

2

Your ex likes all your pics on social media.

This is a subtle way of reaching out to you. If you post a cute pic on Instagram, they’ll be one of the first people to like it. If you update your Facebook status, they’ll probably react to it. Since they haven’t heard from you in a while, they’ll probably stalk your social media accounts just to learn a little more about what you’re up to.^{[2]
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- They might also try to DM you on social media if they haven’t been able to get ahold of you via text.

3

Your ex posts about the breakup.

They might not mention you directly, but they may talk about how tough it’s been. It could be something vague about how they’re wishing you well, or even something about how sad they are. Chances are, when they post about the breakup online, they’re doing it so that you’ll see it (and reach out to them about it).^{[3]
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- Again, the key here is to not respond to it in any way (don’t even give it a like).

4

Your ex shows up to places where you hang out often.

They’ll probably just “happen” to be in the neighborhood. Maybe your ex knows you always get drinks on Fridays at a certain bar, or they know you play golf on Saturdays at the golf range. When they show up, they’re definitely looking for you, even if they have an excuse.^{[4]
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- If this happens, be polite and say hello, but don’t give them much of an interaction. You can ask them how they’ve been or share what you’ve been up to, but don’t dive deep into the relationship, and keep the conversation short.

5

Your ex asks your friends about you.

Your friends may tell you that your ex has been asking around. Your ex might say that they’re just concerned for you or worried about you, but really, they’re trying to get an update on you. Ask your friends to only share a few things (not everything) to leave your ex wanting more.^{[5]
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- If you and your ex were together for a long time, they might even reach out to your family members to ask about you.

6

Your ex sends you angry messages.

When you’ve ignored them for a while, they might start to get mad. If the messages they’re sending you change from sweet to angry, you’ll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can’t get ahold of you, they’ll probably realize that you’re not going to come around, and they’ll get sad about what they’ve lost.^{[6]
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- If the messages get too much to handle, don’t be afraid to block them, at least for a little while.

7

Your ex sends you gifts.

They may do this if they’re getting desperate to talk to you. If you start getting little gifts in the mail, you’ll know that the no contact rule is working to your advantage—your ex wants to talk to you so bad that they’re trying to buy your love. It could be something small, like a bouquet of flowers, or even something big, like concert tickets to your favorite band.^{[7]
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- These gifts might come with a note, like “I’m sorry,” or, “Can we just talk?”

8

You feel better.

You were probably sad at first, but after a little while, you might feel okay. Breakups can take a while to get over, but when you go no-contact with your ex, it can actually speed up your healing process a lot.^{[8]
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Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} If you haven’t talked to your ex in a little while and you realize that you’re actually feeling pretty good, that means the no contact rule is working perfectly.^{[9]
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- If you don’t feel better right now, that’s okay, too. Everyone’s healing process is different, and it might just take you a little longer to feel good.

9

You’re getting to know yourself more.

When you don’t talk to your ex, you can focus on yourself. Maybe you’ve been hanging out with friends more or diving into a hobby that you used to do. You can use the no contact rule to your advantage and really fall in love with yourself.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} Take yourself out, spend time with yourself, and work on loving and accepting yourself for who you are.^{[11]
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- This is the other side of the no contact rule that’s so awesome: without distractions, you only have yourself to worry about!

10

You’ve regained some confidence.

As you start to heal, you might notice that you have a higher self-image. This means that the no-contact rule has allowed you to focus on yourself and work through your hurt feelings. You’re probably nurturing your relationships well and focusing on the future, not the past.^{[12]
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Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} This might also be the stage when you’re open to dating people again, although it doesn’t have to be.^{[13]
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- Feeling good about yourself and who you are can only lead to good things.

11

You start getting asked out more.

Your confidence boost might get you noticed more when you’re out. If all of the sudden you start getting second glances or even people approaching you, you’ll know that the no contact rule was the right move for you.^{[14]
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Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} Moving on from your ex and getting back on your own two feet makes you look way more attractive, and people around you are going to notice!^{[15]
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- Your friends might even comment on how good you’ve been looking lately.

12

Your ex wants to talk to you after the no contact period ends.

If they didn’t want to talk before, they probably do now. Once the no contact rule is over (you can set this period yourself, but usually it’s around 30 days), it’s up to you whether or not you want to reach out to your ex. If you do reach out, they’ll probably be more than happy to talk with you, and they might even ask if you want them back.^{[16]
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- You may want to take a second and think about reaching out to your ex again. If you’re in a good spot and you could see yourself moving on, it might be worth keeping the no contact rule in place for a little while longer.