Is Your Ex Being Friendly or Flirty? 10 Signs They Want You Back

Co-authored by John Keegan and Eric McClure

Last Updated: September 2, 2021 References

If you and your ex have recently reconnected, you may be wondering if they’re just being nice, or if they have a serious desire to get back together. The good news is that your intuition is going to be extremely reliable here—you know what kind of person your ex is, so trust your gut. However, if it feels like your instinct could use a little bit of help here, we’ve got you covered. Read on and run through the list to learn more about the common signs that your ex is still into you.

1

They go out of their way to touch you.

Physical touch is a big sign that they’re interested. If you spend any time around your ex and they “accidentally” bump into you, graze your shoulder, or touch you, it’s a major sign that they want you back. People don’t go out of their way to make physical contact if they’re just being friendly!^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- Smiling and making eye contact can also be big signs that they’re interested in you romantically, but they could also just be signs they’re being friendly. You know your ex better than anyone else—if they tend to avoid eye contact but they can’t stop looking at you at a party, it’s a huge sign!

2

They lean in towards you when you talk.

Physically moving closer to you is a huge signal that they’re into you. Think about how you talk to coworkers or classmates. You probably just stand straight up (or even lean away if you aren’t into the conversation). If your ex is physically leaning towards you when they talk or listen to you, they’re probably interested in getting back together.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- In a group conversation, they might even position themselves so that they’re standing right next you, or face you with their feet even when you aren’t talking.

3

They ask slightly invasive questions.

If they have a sudden interest in your private life, they could like you. They might tactfully try to ask what’s going on in your love life, or outright ask you if you’re dating anyone. Alternatively, they may ask what’s going on in your career, or what your living situation looks like. If they seem to be doing a lot of probing, they’re likely trying to figure out if there are any barriers to getting back together.^{[3]
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- A question like, “How are your parents doing?” is pretty innocuous. It’s just casual small talk. A question like, “Do your parents ever mention me?” is fishing though, since they’re digging for information specifically about themselves. Pay attention for these little wording cues, since they can reveal a lot about how their intentions.

4

They compliment your looks.

Comments about your physical appearance are big giveaways. If they were just being friendly, they wouldn’t go out of your way to make comments about the way you look. Those kinds of comments can be taken the wrong way, and if they don’t want to get back together they’d be actively avoiding that. Compliments about your eyes, hair, or other physical features are a signal that they’re still attracted to you, and they may even be digging to see if you like them back.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- Pay extra attention to any compliments about things that they openly admitted they liked about you before. If they used to say how cute your glasses were when the two of you dated and they keep talking about how they love your new spectacles, they’re almost certainly into you.

5

They talk about how free they are.

Making it obvious that they’re single or open to hang is a big sign. If someone is just being friendly, they won’t go out of their way to talk about how available they are. They might mention that they aren’t dating anyone multiple times, or continue to reference the lack of events on their calendar. These are cues that if you were to ask them to hang out or go on a date, there’s no reason they’d say no.^{[5]
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- This is an especially powerful sign if they joke about how open they are. People often do this to hint that they’re available. If they’re complaining about how nobody wants to hang out with them and they’re all alone though, they may just genuinely be lonely.

6

They bring up fond memories of the two of you.

Reminders of the good times are often an attempt to rekindle things. If a lot of your conversations start with them saying “remember that time we…” it’s a huge sign that they’re interested in getting back together. If they were just being friendly, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to play up all of this nostalgia for the past.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- If your relationship ended on a rather chaotic or negative note the first time the two of you dated, be careful with this one. They may be attempting to paint a prettier picture of how things were to convince you that things will be different this time.

7

They ask your friends about you.

If they’re asking mutual friends about you, they’re probably into you. This is a sign that they just can’t stop thinking about you. They might ask mutual friends if you ever talk about them, or if you’ve been dating anyone recently. If they were just trying to reconnect as friends, it would never occur to them to poke around for this kind of information.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- If you’re going to check with any friends about whether they’ve been asking about you, be sure to ask friends that won’t tell your ex about it if you aren’t sure you want to get back together just yet.

8

They bring up things only you understand.

Leaning on inside jokes or references could indicate they like you. Romance is all about intimacy. If they’re referring to things that only the two of you will understand in front of other people or on social media, they’re trying to establish that deeper connection. They might post a song the two of you used to dance to on Facebook, reference a fond memory in front of mutual friends, or share a photo with some deeper meaning for you two on Instagram.^{[8]
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9

They “fixed” something that used to bother you.

Pointing out how they’ve changed for the better is a sign they like you. If the two of you used to argue because your ex always dressed like a slob and now they look super well put together, they may be trying to show you they fixed something that was holding the relationship back last time. This kind of corrective behavior is often an attempt to woo you by showing they’ve changed.^{[9]
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- If there was friction in the past over how your ex was kind of argumentative, they might go out of their way to play peacekeeper in casual disagreements, or post online about finding peace.
- If there was tension in the past over your ex’s lack of ambition, they might talk about going back to school or applying for new jobs. On social media, they might share motivational posts or talk about how hard they’re working.

10

They’re acting differently than they used to.

If your ex has had a sudden personality change, they may be into you. You know your ex better than anyone else. If it feels like they’ve suddenly become friendlier, less judgmental, or sentimental, it could be a sign that they’re going out of their way to try and impress you. Take everything that you know about your ex and ask yourself, “Are they trying to show me they’re different somehow?” If the answer is obviously yes, they’re probably trying to sweep you off of your feet.^{[10]
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